Page 99 of Degradation

I don’t know if it’s relief or fear that racks through me. Our Grand Master has never been kind, none of our leaders are kind, but surely, he’d want to make an example? Surely, he would not allow a Chapter Lord to so openly disobey him?

“Please,” I stammer, shifting, dropping to my knees. “Please, tell me he’s going to do something, that he’s going to help me.”

Please. I need him to say this. I need him to promise me. I need… but his mouth doesn’t move, his body doesn’t either.

Oh god. Oh god.

He’s not going to, is he? He’s going to leave me here, he’s going to let Gunther get away with all of this, he’s going to… my mind panics more, my heart slams into my chest so hard I can’t even breathe.

I’m going to die here. I’m going to die.

And none of these men, none of them will do a thing to help me.

“Paitlyn,”

I barely hear his words. I’m spiralling, panicking, becoming half as mad as my husband in this moment. A shriek seems to escape my body and what little strength I have left evaporates. I crumble, I collapse, I sink down onto that ridiculously plush rug and I claw at my throat.

“Paitlyn,” Antonio says again, more urgently.

He grabs me, hauls me up and holds me against his body and he rocks me the way a parent does their hysterical child.

“I can’t do this. I can’t…” I gasp.

“You can. You can, Paitlyn.” He murmurs back.

“He’s going to kill me. He’s going to lose his temper one day soon and he’ll go too far.”

It doesn’t matter that I tried to kill myself, it’s not the same, because in my head, me choosing to die is a very different thing to my bastard of a husband hurting me so badly that ends up being the result.

He doesn’t reply. He just holds me, soothes me, but there is no real comfort here. There never will be.

“Please…” I whisper again.

“Listen to me.” He says gently, “I am getting you out. But it will not be easy. There are things at play, politics. A marriage such as yours cannot easily be put aside.”

I can’t help wondering if that’s true or simply an easy ‘get out of jail free card’ he’s using to shut me up.

“I will do anything.” I reply. “Anything you ask of me, anything our Grand Master asks…”

His finger shushes my words. His head shifts and I realise he’s looking to the door, to where it’s shut. Does he think Gunther is listening? Or is he concerned about the guards?

“It’s Devin.” I state.

“What?”

“The guard is Devin Blake. He won’t…” I fall silent as I realise that what I’m about to say might not be true. I don’t know forcertain that Devin is actually on my side. He may have been kind to me one fucking time, he may have confessed things, treasonous things, things that would have us both executed and yet, he too could be playing his own game, his own manipulation.

And he was the one who took my eyes. He was the one who stole my sight.

“Blake?” Antonio repeats. “As in Magnus Blake’s brother?”

I nod.

His hand sweeps my hair back from my face and he lowers his voice so much, I know he doesn’t want even the flies to hear our words.

“This will end. Gunther will be sorted out. But I need you to be compliant, to do whatever he asks, to do whatever you have too, until it is over.”

Like I’m not doing that already.