Page 106 of Degradation

If I can escape this Palace, if I can be free of Gunther, then… then what? I’m blind. Fucking blind. If I leave this place with Devin, how the fuck will I ever manage to get away from him?

I tremble harder, my mind whirling with both hope and disappointment.

One thing at a time, I guess. I just need to focus on the now, on the existing now. Antonio said he was getting me out, Antonio was helping me. I know I can’t tell Devin that without facing his wrath. I just need to keep my mouth shut, play along, play it safe until my real protector comes back.

“We can’t escape them.” I state, trying to sound like I’m his partner in crime now. “We can’t escape the Brethren. It’s not possible.”

I think for a second he’s going to call me out on it, on the fact that I haven’t said ‘those three words’ back, but instead he says, “there are ways.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means the Brethren aren’t as all-reaching as they believe themselves to be. There are gaps, chinks in their armour.”

This feels like traitor talk. Fear creeps up my spine and I turn my head towards the door, wondering what would happen if we were overheard right now.

“Leave it to me.” Devin says. “Let me take care of this. Take care of you.”

I wakeas the sunlight starts to stream into the room. I’m still in his arms. I’m still curled up here with Devin holding onto me in front of the fire.

It feels so alarmingly safe, and I don’t understand it. How can this man suddenly feel so peaceful? How can he go from a raging tornado into this, this?

He told me he loved me. I know that’s bullshit. I know that’s just another fucked up bit of manipulation and yet, in this moment, I could almost believe it, believe him.

Some desperate broken part of me wants to stay like this, wants to lay here and pretend that nothing outside this exists.

But it does. And we can both hear as the door creaks open.

Fear. Adrenaline so many emotions explode in my stomach.

The gasp tells me it’s Ada. From the distance I’d say she’s stood on the threshold, staring in. She walks in, taking those quick practised steps I know so well. “He’s coming.” She says quietly.

I turn my head towards Devin, and for the briefest of moments, I wonder whether this moment will be it. Whether he will have his vengeance now.

But his body seems to sink a tiny bit. He scoops me up, carries me back into the bedroom and he lays me down. As quickly as he can, he slips the needle out before folding my arm up into itself. “Put some pressure on. It’ll stop the bleeding and the bruising.”

I wish I could see his face, I wish I could see his expression because I have no idea what’s going on in there, what thoughtsare swirling inside. He stalks back out and I want to call after him, to scream, to beg him to just say something.

But instead, I hear his massive frame slip out, I hear him disappear into the corridor and my tears stream uncontrollably.

“Paitlyn,” Ada says, kneeling beside the bed, tucking the covers up to make it look like none of last night went down the way it did. To make it look like this was where I slept, this was where I woke too. Alone.

It feels like there are so many unspoken things between us. She shifts her body to the door then back to me and I know then that she knows. That she can tell that whatever this was, it wasn’t just a guard looking out for me, ensuring I lived for his master. She knows.

I open my mouth but fall silent as a shadow covers me.

“Well, I see you’ve made a recovery.” Gunther says.

I gulp, nodding.

“How do you feel?” He asks, like he doesn’t give a damn about my reply.

“Better.” It’s the only word I can muster.

He grunts. “Seeing as God’s seen fit to spare your life, you will spend the rest of this day giving thanks in the Chapel.”

The Chapel? That means I’ll be on my knees all day. I shudder, praying that that damned priest won’t be there, because I know he delights in my torture as much as my husband does.

“Did you not hear me?” Gunther growls, yanking the covers off, dragging me from the bed by my arm.