Page 84 of Definitely Not a Thing

I snuck back to my apartment while Arthur and Calvin were fussing about the pizza oven, which needed to be completely cool before it could be moved. I took a shower, then dressed for bed, hitting my group chat with Kae and Claire in between.

I absolutely needed them to be real with me.

“Babe… you need to be real with yourself. – Kae”

“Yeahhhhh… that’s your man, sis. – Claire.”

I tossed the phone down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

As soon as I closed my eyes, a knock sounded at the door.

I was up immediately, already knowing who I was going to find on the other side.

“I really thought we were better than this, Li-Li,” Calvin said, breezing past me to come inside. “I can’t believe you left me outside to argue with Arthur.”

“My bad,” I laughed. “I was trying to avoid an awkward moment.”

“Of saying goodnight?”

“Of sayinggoodbye,” I corrected. “Aren’t you headed to Blackwood super early in the morning? We won’t see each other again before you leave.”

“So you opted to just… not?”

“I never said it was agoodplan.”

Calvin shook his head, chuckling as he grabbed me around the waist to pull me close. “Stop being a?—”

“Donotcall me a weirdo,” I warned, laughing when he pressed his lips to mine.

“You’re doing your best impression of one though, how can I not?”

“I’m not trying to be weird, I’m trying to do what too many people avoid – process my feelings, instead of ignoring them, if that’s okay.”

His eyebrows went up. “you know what… fair point. Niggas do begoing with the flowright into some bullshit.”

“Exactly,” I agreed. “And not even on any…you’re paying for the last man’s mistakeskinda stuff, just… being careful. So if Iget a little quiet, or withdraw, it’s not because I’mnot vibing. I’m just assessing.”

“And what am I doing while you’re assessing?” he asked.

“Giving me a little patience, and grace, and knowing that I will never leave you in limbo about where I stand. You’ll never have to wonder.”

He nodded. “And I… can offer the same. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Good,” he said. “Now… bring your ass on and give me a proper send off.”

19/

calvin

Two-a-days were supposed to build.

Endurance, strength, character, plus some other traits I was too exhausted to even pull to mind.

Because actually, the two-a-days were beating the shit out of me.

For all my conditioning and preparing and supposedly staying ready so I didn’t have to get there… man.