Page 36 of Definitely Not a Thing

amelia

Not even ten minutes later,we were seated next to each other on my living room floor, sipping drink pouches by candlelight while that little air conditioner blew on us.

“Ay – I love your mom,” Calvin said, eyes closed as he stretched his long legs out in front of him.

I giggled. “You don’t even know her!”

“I know she’s out here saving lives,” he quipped.

“Fair enough. Thank you for setting it up – and for this second drink. These have a little kick to them. Or maybe I’m just a lightweight.”

“Nah, these are definitely a two maximum situation,” Calvin chuckled. “That third one would sneak up on you, so we’re gonna leave it where it is.”

“Probably wise.”

For a moment – a long one – neither of us said anything, just enjoying our drinks and the frigid air.

“You said you were crying over that nigga?”

My eyebrows went up at Calvin’s words, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Huh?”

“Earlier, out on the balcony,” he said, pulling my attention to his face in the flickering light from the candles. “When I asked if you had a roster.”

“Yeah?”

“You said something like… you wouldn’t be crying over the one if you had a roster.”

“Something like that.”

“So I’m asking… you still crying over him?”

I frowned. “I mean?—”

“Hey – no judgement,” he explained, holding up a hand. “I’m literally just asking.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I get it. And… I guess typically… not reallyover him. More about just… the failure of it all, I guess.”

“That’s kinda what you were talking about this morning, right? Processing it.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “And ironically… he actually hurt my feelings today.”

“Today?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

Calvin listened while I explained how I’d –kinda—run into Hunter at the coffeehouse earlier.

“So I guess it’s not really thathehurt my feelings. More like… the situation did. Like… logically speaking, I didn’t need or evenwantany acknowledgement from him necessarily, you know? But emotionally… I don’t know. It’s weird to spend three years of your life loving somebody, growing with them, thinking you’re building a future, just to wind up… strangers in the same room.”

He nodded. “Yeah… it’s fucked up. This is why you didn’t want to talk about him earlier?”

“Yes – and I see you couldn’t help bringing him up again,” I teased.

“My bad – I’m just working through my process of figuring you out. We don’t have to talk about this.”

I shrugged. “It’s fine. The margarita has kicked in now.”