Page 1 of Definitely Not a Thing

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amelia

If you asked me– with full recognition that no one did, actually – fatalism was a character flaw. Like it was actually wild to me to wake up with movement in your limbs, breathe in your lungs, and logic in your mind, andnotbe able to find anything to be positive about.

However.

I would be a liar if I pretended that, at this particular juncture of my journey, I didn’t understand and unfortunately relate to the age old adage of:

Fuck my life.

Like… I felt that shit.

Real bad.

“You already back? That was quick!” Arthur cackled from the front stoop as I hopped down from the elevated seat of the moving truck. My gaze cut in his direction, finding his eyes under the weathered brim of theArthur’s Refrigerationcap he thought hid his premature balding.

“Literally shut the fuck up!” I yelled, wiping the goofy grin off his face.

Okay.

Fine.

I didn’t actually say that.

I really,reallywanted to though.

Instead, I settled on, “Mind your business,” which only generated more – annoying ass – laughter as I trudged up the front steps of the building with a box of immediate essentials under my arm and a set of unfamiliar keys in the opposite hand.

He did at least open the door for me.

I ignored his commentary as he did that “favor”, knowing that if I engaged, the chances of me crashing out were through the stratosphere.

I was determined to be cool.

I was cool.

Everything was cool.

Why wouldn’t things be cool?

Whatwasn’tcool about getting broken up with by a man you’d moved in with less than six months ago, signing a lease for your dream brownstone only for it fall through because of construction issues, forcing you to move back into the same building as your ex?

Your own unit, though.

So… it was cool.

It was so,sofucking cool.

Icy, even.

Fuck my life.

The “new” unit was on the second floor, so I didn’t even bother waiting for the elevator – I took the stairs up, hoping that the music radiating through the building would be somewhere in the distance.

Which, was probably where I went wrong.

Because why would I hope that?