Page 21 of Definitely Not a Thing

“Good morning,” she returned my greeting with a smile –pretty ass smile –that immediately dropped from her face when I extended my arms in her direction. “Oh! I… uh… you’re actuallyreallysweaty and I?—”

“Sweat is natural, and you’re about to work out anyway, right? I see the yoga mat. Come on and get in here,” I teased, knowing I wasn’tactuallyabout to touch her, even as I moved closer.

She gagged, though.

Like…bad.

“Oh, shit – I’m fucking with you,” I explained, backing up as she clutched her stomach and nodded.

“Did you cut onions this morning or something?”

“What?!” I asked – appalled, quite frankly – at what she was insinuating. I put my nose to my arm as Arthur cackled in the background.

“She said you smell like one of them bougie salads!”

“Nigga shut up!” I yelled, then turned back to her. “Ay – whatever you smelling, it’s not—Oh.”

I cut off my defense mid-sentence as I clocked the self-satisfied smirk on her pretty face.

“You got jokes this morning, huh?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Just a little. Youaredisgustingly sweaty right now though, please stay back.”

I grinned, and took a step closer. “What, you sweat-phobic or something? Is there a word for that?”

“Backthefuckupis the word for it,” she said, putting up a hand. “But no – I’m notsweat-phobic, it’s just… a bodily fluid.”

“You don’t like swapping bodily fluids?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Outside a very,verylimited set of circumstances, no.”

“Okay, tell me the circumstances,” I shrugged. “We can arrange that shit. Startingnow.”

“Boy!” she laughed. “Tell me – do women usually respond favorably to this kind of blatant propositioning?”

“Looking like I do? Yeah,” I laughed. “They love the candor, the interest is reciprocated… the inevitable is obvious…”

Her eyebrows shot up. “The inevitable is obvious?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Like… right now?”

I shrugged. “I’d say so.”

Her gaze locked onto mine, determined. “You know I’mnevergoing to fuck you, specifically because of this conversation, right?”

“I’ve come to a very different conclusion from it.”

She scoffed. “Yeah…never.”

“Why would you deny yourself the pleasure of my dick?”

“Wow,” she laughed. “You aresofull of yourself.”

“And you could be full of me too, but you playing around.”

“Can you leave me alone?” she asked, then bit down on her lip – trying herdamndestnot to smile before she added a “please?”