Page 72 of Definitely Not a Thing

He laughed. “Good point. Uh… Let me see… you definitely lost points for me having to call somebody a bitch on your behalf.”

I scoffed. “Hey – the designation of bitches has been equally distributed tonight – that word got a used alot. Inyourdefense – they were talking shit about you!”

“You know… that’s fair. You should actuallygetpoints for that. But… to be clear, those niggas were plus-ones for somebody who is practice teamat best. Nobody was sweating them, and you shouldn’t either.”

“It was just a little too fake for me – they literally interrupted us to dick ride, just to turn around and hate,” I whined, crossing my arms. “I don’t like that.”

“Who does?” he laughed. “It’s just… life, you know? Don’t let it bother you. I appreciate you holding me down though.”

“Aw. That’s what I was there for, babe,” I replied, tagging on a little kissy-face expression for extra seasoning.

“Babe?”

“I called you that as my character – don’t get excited.”

“Too late,” he quipped. “You’ve given me an opening.”

“It’s a trap, actually -- I’m waiting with a bat for you to walk through.”

“Damn,” Calvin laughed. “You’re talking like it would beso badto fuck with me – you think I’d be a bad boyfriend or something?”

“I think it could go either way, actually,” I admitted. “Extremes, though.”

“Huh?”

“You’re either anexcellentboyfriend, or someone’sdid I tell you how I almost ended up in jail for killing this niggastory. No in-between.”

“That’s intense,” he chuckled. “How can you make that judgement before you even know what’s in the benefit package?”

“Benefit package? Is that like my – wait, I didn’t get my gift bag!” I fussed, realizing my –supposed—primary reason for attending this little shindig was indeednotin my possession.

“Oh, shit – I’ll make sure you get it,” Calvin said. “Because I’m what? Anexcellentboyfriend,” he answered his own question. “The fuck you think this is?”

“Some bullshit,” I replied. “An excellent boyfriend wouldn’t have let me leave without it.”

“Correction – an excellent boyfriend is human, and therefore makes the occasional mistake. The true showing of merit comes from how he pivots – but your last nigga was wack, so you probably don’t know anything about that.”

“Uh,ouch,” I scoffed, frowning at him. “That’s actually a little offensive.”

“My bad, baby,” he said, reaching to grab my thigh. “How can I make it up to you?”

Immediately, my chest felt hot. “Baby?”

He grinned. “I can’t be in character too? You don’t like my method acting?”

His hand was still on my thigh.

Gripping.

My gaze skirted up to his. “I’m not sure that’s what’s happening, but… sure?”

“You’re a hater, damn.”

The rest of the ride was spent bantering back and forth, and I still had a grin on my face as he helped me out of the car in the building parking lot. All the way to our hall, in fact.

“Wow – you’re not going to walk me to my door?” I asked, surprised when he stopped at his.

“I’ve got something for you real quick.”