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Chapter Seven: Rhea

“What is it?” I ask quietly, afraid to move. Flynn has never looked at me like this before, like I might actually break from what he’s going to say. “Flynn, what is it?”

He swallows, slowly running a hand through his hair as he says, “When I came to the Mortal Kingdom, I could feel that the magic was coming from somewhere in the castle. It’s how I knew to enlist in the King’s Guard—so that I could have more access to search.” His fingers tap his knee in a staccato pattern as he takes a deep breath before continuing. “Moving up through the ranks was an incredibly slow process. King Dolian was paranoid about who he allowed to be in the guard for the castle, even more so when it came to which ones would get near you. After nearly four years, I had narrowed down that the magic was coming from the tower specifically, but I couldn’t get anywhere near it without raising suspicions. I needed a way in.”

Dread begins to prickle over my skin as my magic coils tightly within me, poising to strike, but the only threat is what Flynn will say next.

“You have to understand. I was desperate. Four years of pretending to be someone I wasn’t had slowly chipped away at me. I wanted to keep my people safe, and in order to do that, I needed to get into the tower and figure out what the king had that was emitting so much magic. I needed answers so that I could finally leave. ”

“What did you do?” I ask, but it’s not really a question so much as an accusation. And Flynn doesn’t miss the connotation in my words.

“I began to spy on the guards for your tower. To see if there was a weakness I could exploit to get inside,” he says, the cadence of his voice laced with regret.

A fear I had never even thought to consider begins to take root within me. The words are said a bit harsher when I again ask, “What did you do ?”

“I noticed that Alexi would often leave his post in the middle of the night. He’d go into the tower for about an hour and then come back out. A few times a week he would do this, but you already know that.”

My mouth parts as breathing becomes difficult again. Blood rushes into my ears, my throat constricting like the very grip of death is on it, squeezing until there’s nothing of me left.

“Please, tell me you didn’t,” I whisper, forcing my gaze to stay on his. Begging, begging to be wrong in my assumption of what he is going to say next. Please, no.

“I knew King Dolian wouldn’t tolerate a guard, no matter how tenured they were, leaving their post for any length of time. Anyone who paid attention could see that he was obsessed with you, and—”

“No.” That single word is all I can manage between the tight pains in my chest.

“I reported to my commander that I had witnessed Alexi leaving his post—”

“No,” I whisper again, shaking my head vehemently. As if doing so will reverse time and make Flynn’s words untrue.

“And he started observing him too, until—”

“No!” My hands dig into my hair as I stand and begin to pace in front of the couch.

“I didn’t know that my actions would lead to his death, and that is a regret I have carried with me since I learned who Alexi was to you,” he insists, his voice a shaky murmur as he stands. “ I didn’t know . You have to believe me when I say that. Please, tell me you believe me.” I hear his words, but they do not resonate.

“You—you lied to me!” The imaginary shields and walls I built for my own mental and emotional protection crumble completely, leaving raw turmoil to devour me fully in their wake.

Memories of the night of my failed escape—when Flynn confessed his feelings for me—come to the forefront of my mind. He had said those things knowing what he had done. To Alexi. To me.

I never want you to doubt anything when it comes to me .

“You let me fall in love with you knowing that your actions led to his death !” I scream.

The truth is, I find you so captivating…

“You consumed me, as if I was nothing more than fuel to your fire, and I—” I fall to my knees as the ringing in my ears intensifies. My body aches with this betrayal, and my magic within me hums coldly in response.

The truth is that when I look at you, it’s like peering into a blazing sun.

“Rhea, please ,” Flynn begs.

The truth is, I feel that there is no limit to the things I would do for you…

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies .

Looking up at him—his eyes red and filled with anguish—I let my anger power my next words. “I burned for you, and now, all that’s left of me is ashes at your feet. I don’t want your words, Flynn . They mean nothing to me now.”

He stills, looking more pained than when a sword was driven through him. Dark, foreboding power explodes from my heart and down my arms and fingers, the icy tingling unstoppable as I scream and scream and scream . Distantly, I’m aware that Flynn is kneeling before me, but it is like someone has placed a dark veil over my eyes. All I see is infinite inky black. Sounds echo around me as the world shakes, and I hover over my knees.

“Rhea!” He shouts my name, but it sounds so muffled—so far away. How could we ever move past this? He used Alexi as nothing more than an opportunity—a pawn in a game neither of us asked to be a part of.

I love Flynn with everything that I am—every single shattered part of me. Even now, I can still feel that love trying to prod its way through the swirling oppressive nothingness .

But I don’t know if it’s enough anymore. And that realization… It fully wakes whatever that dark beast inside of me is. My body feels completely numb, my heart a frozen chamber hidden behind more layers of ice than ever before. I am no longer Rhea Maxwell; instead, I am whatever this pain that dwells within molds me to be. Hadn’t that always been the case anyway?

I hand over control to my magic and sink down deep within myself. While I cower in a corner of my mind, the consuming darkness wraps its icy, sharp talons around me. The screaming continues, but I can’t tell if it is me or Flynn.

“Hello, Rhea.”

My eyes flutter open at the sound of her voice. Her ethereal cadence instantly calms my heavily beating heart. I hadn’t been to this place—the Middle—since I had nearly drowned in the river.

“That was a terrifying day indeed,” she says softly, as if speaking the words too loudly will make the memory of the ice water filling my lungs real again.

Coming up onto my elbows, my head tilts back as I search the sky, but it’s like shadows are obscuring my view. The stars and galaxies of blazing color I’ve become used to seeing here are muted, distorted. When I don’t answer her—knowing she can either read my mind or hear my thoughts—she sighs.

“You have expelled some of your other magic,” she says, causing me to jerk as I look around for her.

Able to sit up fully, while simultaneously floating in this space, I turn around in all directions, but I see nothing but those half-lit dots and swirls of light. “What do you mean other magic?” I whisper, looking down at my hands.

“There are two halves to your magic. Now that you are somewhere safe, you need to learn how to wield both, and he can teach you.”

“Safe,” I say with a scoff, shaking my head as I hug my knees to my chest. “I am not safe there.” A gentle breeze laced with the scent of jasmine caresses me, the feeling like a tickling of fingers on my shoulders. “I don’t want him to teach me anything else—not anymore.” The words taste bitter as they leave my mouth, but I pretend that I believe them anyway.

“He loves you. Even those not of this world can see it. Feel it.”

“You do not lie to the people you love! Not about something like that.”

“Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we end up hurting the people we care for most.” There’s a sadness to her voice, heavy even in this wide expanse of space. “Did you not lie to him as well?”

“That’s different. I had to lie. I had to protect myself.”

“Hmm. And what do you think he was doing?” she asks.

My fingers curl in on themselves, anger rapidly replacing any moment of reprieve I had from my spiraling thoughts. “He knew he was a part of Alexi’s death, no matter how unintentional it was, and he didn’t tell me! That only protects himself from my anger; nothing more.”

“He was afraid . Certainly, you can relate to that. He speaks true about his remorse. His regret.”

“And yet that cannot bring Alexi back,” I seethe, the universe around me going even darker than it was before. I sigh, rubbing my hand over my chest.

There was a part of me that had hoped a future with Flynn meant leaving behind the pieces of myself that were damaged. As if I could sort through my fractured memories and that pitiful existence in the tower and handpick the things I wanted to bring with me to this new life. I realize now that this might have been my biggest dream of all: not escaping the tower or hoping to find love or a family, but pretending that I could sift through the mess that I was and find enough parts of myself that I felt were worthy of something better.

“Unfortunately, there is no locking up and simply forgetting about the experiences that we’d rather not relive. Each event and memory and story you have—good and bad—makes up who you are, Rhea. Like threads on a tapestry, they weave together to form a larger picture of the person you will become. But only you can choose how you will let them define you.”

I huff another breath, playing with the ends of my hair. “So many nights I had looked up to the stars and wished with all my might that I could be free. Free to leave the tower. Free to make my own choices. Free to fall in love. Free to live a life for myself.”

“I know,” she says softly.

“What if being here—being with him—isn’t the freedom I thought it would be? I already feel like everything between us is untrue.”

“But was it not your plan to leave? If he had told you all of these things upon your first meeting, would you still have gotten to know him? Still gone east with him?”

“I—” I stumble over my response because I don’t know . If I had learned everything about who Flynn was and all the secrets he had kept, would we have been able to work through it? He was persistent in the beginning—showing up and making sure that I knew he was thinking about me. Was that truly just him, or was he still trying to piece together why he could sense magic coming from me? I feel like I have to question everything between us now. How can he possibly love me without motive when he didn’t love me enough to tell the truth? When I don’t even love myse—

“Rhea,” she interrupts. The feeling of something warm settles over me like a comforting hug. Inside, however, I’m still numb. Frozen. “You are suffering. You have been for a long time.”

“Yes, well, I’m not sure what you are aware of from this magical world in which you exist, but my life only ever afforded me the opportunity to suffer.” I was stunted in every way that made a person, well, a person. I was denied everything I lusted after until—

“Until he came into your life. And he saw who you truly are.”

I stay silent, unsure of what to say to that. The woman, her voice still achingly familiar to me in a way that I don’t understand, chuckles.

“It is true that he lied to you by hiding things. Not a move I would have used, personally, to woo someone. But sometimes, men can be quite dense.”

A shocked laugh scrapes out of me as I, again, look around. “Unfortunately, my experience in that area is basically nonexistent,” I say though I suppose she already knows that. Wait… “Can—can you see what I do on Olymazi?”

“I can.”

I cringe, thinking about all of the intimate moments I shared with Flynn.

“You needn’t worry about that. I can block things from my view at any time.”

“Am I the only one you can speak with?”

Steady and calm moments pass before she replies. “I’m afraid that I cannot tell you that.”

“Why can’t I see you?” I ask, the flickering of the stars above me brighter than before.

“Because of a deal I made a long time ago. Not being able to show my face is the price I pay for being able to share my voice.”

“I do remember you saying that before,” I answer, extending my legs out in front of me as I lean back on my hands. Silence falls between us—one that feels far too easy to share with this stranger who is not quite a stranger. The breeze around me begins to pick up, the tendrils of hair loosened from my braid snapping against my cheeks. “I’m not ready to leave. I can’t— I don’t know if I can face him. After learning everything, I don’t know if we can fix this.”

She hums as sparkling stardust floats in front of me.

“Can’t I stay here for a little longer?”

“This is not supposed to be a place for you to linger,” she responds, firm but not unkind.

“Please.” The word is a heartbroken plea, a desperate attempt to try and stay in the one existence that hasn’t shown me any pain or heartbreak.

The woman sighs though the sound isn’t one of annoyance. It is more resigned, as if she had known this was going to happen. “Rest here for a little while, Rhea. And then you will have to return.”

I nod my head, lying down on my side and curling in on myself. And though I know I am not in the world of Olymazi anymore, and that she cannot reach me here, I still wait for my white fox to settle in next to me. But Bella never comes.

She is dead because of me.