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Chapter Fifty-Seven: Rhea

I had always thought of grief as something unchanging, something stagnant. I had so little to hold on to in my life that when I actually lost the parts that mattered the most, it felt like utter anguish. It was like leaping on rocks to avoid a raging river, only to discover that the next one I had jumped to was nothing more than a mirage. I plunge into the icy waters below and get swept away with the current until I’m nowhere to be found.

I was in pieces after Alexi’s death. Those pieces shredded further after Bella’s. Yet, since then, I have come to learn that grief is just as multifaceted as life. I hardly knew Immie, but I mourn her senseless death. My grief is jagged; it stings the sensitive, still healing parts of me as if it were a dagger slicing beneath my skin and into the scarred muscle below. A woman was murdered because we happened to stay at her inn—because my uncle is obsessed with creating the love story with me that he never had with my mother. This sort of grief is different than the kind I feel over Alexi. Over Bella. Different from what plagues me over the two lives my shadows had taken that night in the Mortal Kingdom.

But I am also different now.

I have begun to turn weakness into power and anguish into peace. I have made friends and found a home. I am in love, so desperately in love, that I often think that the agony of the first twenty-one years of my life has been worth it if it all leads to Nox. I would relive it over and over again to end up with him. It doesn’t erase the way my heart drops when I close my eyes and see Immie as King Dolian’s victim, but it does remind me that I’ve come too far to let this break me.

I mourn Immie’s death, but I will not let myself succumb to the darkness that took months to crawl out of. That doesn’t honor her life; it just gives my uncle the control over me that he so desperately wants. Never again will I lie down and let a monster devour my soul piece by piece until I fear there is nothing left to salvage.

Never again .

“We don’t have to do this today,” Nox says as he ties off my braid and wraps his arms around me from behind. He had already postponed the meeting by a few days. “If you need more time, I’ll get it for you.”

“I know, but I don’t want to delay it any longer. It feels like we’ve been stuck in the shadow of the council for a long time.” I spin in his arms to face him, my fingers sliding into his hair as I gently drag my nails over his scalp. “I want to do this for us .”

Nox brings our foreheads together, closing his eyes as he leans into my touch. “When the meeting is over, I want you right back here in this room with me.”

“And why is that?” I ask, a breathless tease to my voice.

“Because,” he drawls slowly, kissing my temple and cheek before dragging his mouth to my neck and the space beneath my ear, “it’s been too long since I’ve worshiped you on my knees. Too long since you’ve come on my tongue—my name on your lips as you do.”

“You have the filthiest mouth,” I whisper, tugging on his hair until his eyes meet mine. “And it’s only been a few days.”

“ Exactly, ” he rumbles, his husky voice causing goosebumps to rise over my skin. I smile at him before leaning in to join our lips, his taste making a soft moan dance in my throat—drawing an even deeper one from him. “Are you sure we can’t delay it?” His hands move down my sides to rest on my hips before tightening as he pulls me flush against his hard lines.

“Ravage me after I make a bunch of other men like me,” I say against his mouth, kissing the corners of it before pulling back.

“Don’t joke about that,” he growls, but I watch as his gray eyes move from a storm of desire to something more tender. “I love you. Regardless of what anyone else says, that will never change. My love for you will not falter.”

My exhale is soft, and it takes a minute to find my voice again. “The moon may have the stars, but I will always have you.” I had told Nox the importance of those words, how I had never said them to anyone else but Bella. How they became an anchor of love and truth when I needed it most, and now they feel like the only ones strong enough to truly convey how much I care about him.

His responding smile is soft as he places one more kiss on my lips and then takes my hand. We turn for the door and for what I hope will be the first step towards a future where neither of us has to pretend to be anything other than what we are.

Upon arrival, Nox is asked to wait outside the council room. We had figured this might be a possibility, if only because the council recognizes that he is very vigilant over me and, as a result, they are afraid he will interfere if the line of questioning gets too intense .

“Are you ready?” Sadryn asks me as he walks up, placing a hand on Nox’s shoulder. He’s dressed casually just as he always is, his shoulder-length hair pulled back and tied at the base of his neck.

“I think so.”

“Good.” He sends me a wink before turning to Nox, chuckling at the tense look on his son’s face. “She’s answering questions in a council room not going on a deadly mission.” Nox doesn’t smile and instead glares at his father, who laughs again.

Nox turns to look me in the eye as he promises, “I’ll be right outside these doors waiting for you.”

I nod, giving him one last smile before turning and accepting Sadryn’s extended arm. Together, we enter the council chambers.

“Please, come have a seat,” Daje’s father says as he gestures to an empty chair on his left. I glance at the council—all men with the exception of a single woman—as I move to the indicated seat, the fabric of my skirt shuffling as I walk. My steps seem to echo loudly, the weight of every pair of eyes on me making my shoulders round. The concentration of all the magic gathered here is suffocating, as if my head is being pushed below water.

King Sadryn sits at the head of the table, Daje’s father to his left and the other eight council members spread out on either side so that the only empty chair remaining is directly across from me. As I take my seat, I look out at the rest of the room. I’m not necessarily surprised to see Daje sitting in a chair against a wall given who his father is. He nods his head sharply, a small grin accompanying the movement, before his eyes dart back to his father’s. I am, however, surprised to find Haylee at his side. She avoids meeting my eyes, instead staring off to my left.

“You’ll have to forgive Councilwoman Mora; she is out ill today and unable to attend,” Daje’s father says, his voice deep as he focuses entirely on me. “My name is Councilman Kallin, and I am the king’s lead advisor and head of this council. I will be asking most of the questions, but the other council members may ask any additional ones they have as well. Do you understand?”

I nod in silence.

“Before we begin, can you please confirm for the record what your name is?”

I look at Sadryn, the corners of his mouth rising as he subtly nods his head. “Rhea Selene.”

Councilman Kallin’s gray eyes bore into me from my right. “And where are you from, Miss Selene?”

“The town of Santor,” I answer, fighting the urge to nervously chew on my lower lip. I can do this. I will do this.

“And where did you and His Highness meet?” I answer the question and a handful of similar ones, feeling myself grow more at ease. We had prepared well so far. When I finish explaining how Nox asked me to come here to Galdr with him, Councilman Kallin gestures to the other council members. “You may ask any questions you have.”

An older gentleman with kind brown eyes and graying-black hair sits up taller in his chair to the right of Sadryn, his elbows leaning on the table. “Hello, Lady Rhea. I’m Councilman Hadrik. We’ve heard the logistics of how you and Prince Nox came into your courtship, but I’d like to hear more about what drew you to him. What was it that made you fall in love?”

The councilman sitting to my immediate left scoffs, his hand running over his bald head. “The girl needs to answer questions that are actually relevant, Hadrik.”

Councilman Hadrik tilts his head, his lips curling up the slightest bit. “ Lady Rhea has indicated that she was not aware Nox was the crown prince when they met. I think it is relevant to have her prove to us that this is true by listing what she does in fact love about him. The entire existence of this line of questioning is to make sure someone isn’t marrying into the royal family for the wrong reasons, is it not Councilman Borris?”

The other councilman grumbles under his breath but gestures for me to continue. I look around the table at the collection of faces here—some observing me like I’m something of mystery, while the majority study me as if I mean them harm. But thinking about the reasons I fell for Nox is easy because I did fall for him before I knew that he was a prince.

“It was his kindness,” I start, willing my breathing to calm and my heart to beat steadily. “It was the gentle way he spoke to me and how he made himself aware of the things I didn’t or couldn’t verbalize that I needed. He is selfless and sweet and funny but also brave and incredibly smart. He loves his kingdom, his people, his family and friends. And he isn’t afraid to show that love or to make it known. He is… everything. ”

The room is silent when I finish, so I flash another look to Sadryn, who sends me a wink in what I hope is approval of my answer.

“Hmm,” Councilman Hadrik says, leaning back in his chair. “A lovely answer.”

“Our current queen is quite involved in leading the kingdom with His Majesty. Should you and Nox marry, what kind of queen do you see yourself becoming?” the lone councilwoman asks from farther down the table to my left. She looks to be about Sadryn’s age, her long black hair braided back from her face and resting over her shoulder in a style that’s similar to my own.

I had thought long on this question, often writing down my thoughts in my journal on the rare mornings I would wake up early enough to do so. “I would hope to be the kind of queen that leads with heart. One who understands what it is to not always make the right choices but to persevere despite the mistakes made. One who is brave.”

The councilwoman smiles as she laces her fingers together on the table. “You speak of bravery, yet you avoided this council meeting for a long while. Is the burden you placed on Prince Nox by doing so an example of how you will support him as his queen?” The man next to her—Councilman Osiris, I believe—snickers from where he leans back in his chair.

My mouth opens and closes, soundless words gathering behind my teeth that I can’t voice. How could I explain that we needed time to prepare? That I was mage but wasn’t from the Mage Kingdom?

“Councilwoman Naji, there is no need for this to get contentious,” another councilman tuts, his seat next to the empty one across from me. He’s younger than the others, his blue eyes and blond hair making him stand out amongst everyone else gathered here. He stares at me with a look of commendation, a small smile tugging on his thin lips. “We are all here because we care about Prince Nox and the future of the kingdom, isn’t that true Lady Rhea?”

I nearly let loose a small sigh of relief as I nod my head. “Yes, it is.” His grin widens as he twirls his light blue magic in his hand. The sight is distracting, as I’ve never seen someone just casually play with their power before.

“You have quite unique features for a mage—something I can relate to,” he says with a chuckle as he gestures to his paler skin. “I am from Galina, are you familiar?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t say that I am.”

The councilman nods his head in understanding, the blue in his eyes reminding me of a winter morning. They are darker than Cass’s but brighter than Daje’s. “It’s another border town, similar to Santor.” His voice is gentle as he talks, my nerves easing as he continues to twirl his magic over his knuckles as if he were rolling a coin. “Because of where I grew up, I have a soft spot for those who come from the smaller cities, and I’ve done my best to get to know the people from them. In fact, just yesterday, I attended the Flame Ceremony of a young girl from Santor.” Something shifts, in his gaze or in the air or perhaps both. Studying the councilman, I no longer feel like I am speaking with an ally. He draws his bottom lip between his teeth, letting it pop free before continuing. “Why don’t you tell us of your Flame Ceremony? It’s such a memorable time in a mage child’s life; I’m curious to hear what you recall of it.”

“Is that necessary, Arav?” Sadryn asks, attempting to sway the conversation. Nox hadn’t told me much about Flame Ceremonies, only that they were performed to determine the strength level a mage would reach. “I don’t see how it is relevant to Lady Rhea dating my son?”

“Oh, I believe it’s quite relevant, Your Majesty. For one, it will give us a little more insight into Lady Rhea’s magical strength and how it might pair with someone as powerful as Prince Nox. But, also, I’m always curious to learn the perspective that one takes away from the ceremony. Particularly if their magic is, let’s say, weaker . As I’m assuming Rhea’s is, or we would have heard about it. Although I’d be happy to comb through our records until I find her ceremony to verify, if you would prefer not to answer the question, My Lady.”

Oh Gods. There is no record of my Flame Ceremony. There is no record of me in this kingdom. My mouth dries out and swallowing becomes impossible, but I force out an answer. “I’m afraid that I don’t remember much of my ceremony. Just a small flame.” I had no idea if a small flame was a better or worse thing to say, but it seemed like somewhere in the middle.

Councilman Arav dissipates his magic, his hands clasping together. “Do you remember the sting of the knife as it dragged along your palm?”

Daje shifts in his chair, the squeaking drawing both my and Haylee’s gaze. She gives him nothing more than a passing glance before turning to look at Arav, whose scrutiny of me makes my cheeks burn.

“Yes, of course I—”

“Enough, Arav. This has nothing to do with anything other than your own odd curiosity,” Sadryn interjects, saving me from myself. Yet, despite the fact that I hardly got four words out, the councilman’s blue eyes dance with intrigue at my answer.

“Of course, Your Majesty. I’m finished.”

“Let us test your knowledge, then, girl,” the man sitting next to me huffs.

“Councilman Borris, if you call this young woman a girl again, I will insist you see the healer to have your eyes checked.”

The brashness of Sadryn’s voice draws my shoulders up towards my ears. Any confidence or self-assurance I had is slowly being chiseled away, picked apart like a scab revealing the harsh truth underneath—they don’t like me, and they don’t want me with their prince.