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Chapter Thirty-Five: Rhea

His fist meets my side before I crumple to the floor, the cold wood biting into my knees and palms. Sweat beads at my neck, my magic flaring beneath my skin—pushing and prodding—begging to be released. But what can it do? What can I do?

“I will make you worthy, Rhea. It would all stop if you just showed me that you understand your role.” He’s so angry—he’s always so angry with me. Tears leak down my cheeks as his fingers yank back on my hair, my sharp yelp of pain lancing the air of the tower. His hazel eyes are illuminated by his fury— like he’s got a flame inside of him that is burning so hot, it needs to destroy anyone else that comes too close as well.

He looms over me, an imposing force that I’m powerless against. His face inches closer, the cruelty not a mask he wears but his truest self. The warmth of his breath hits my face—my nose. His lips are so horrifyingly close, and I try to jerk away, but I can’t. His chuckle is foreboding, reverberating into my bones as lips graze over my own.

“Oh, Rhea darling, the things I can do with you now.”

I gasp for air, launching up to sit, the remnants of my scream still echoing in the room.

“Rhea? What’s wrong?”

I rub my face with my hands, holding them over my eyes as I try to banish any thoughts of my uncle back into whatever dark corners of my mind they leaked from. “I’m sorry,” I mumble against my palms. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

The sheet and comforter rustle as Nox sits up, his arm going around my back while his other hand gently pulls on my wrists until my bleary eyes meet his. “Sunshine, what’s wrong?”

I know I have to reveal how my uncle tortured me in that tower and how he continues to do so in my nightmares. What his plans for me were and how I fear that he won’t ever give up trying to get me back. I thought there would be a perfect time for those confessions, a clear moment where I could reveal all the oily parts of me that are tainted by him . But I didn’t realize how often I only dreamed of terror.

I turn my body to face him, my hands trembling as I grip the comforter gathered at my waist. Gray and silver-flecked eyes lit only by the scant moonlight inspect me, Nox looking for a wound that can’t be seen.

“I was fifteen the first time it happened.”

I can feel the questions—the confusion—radiating from him, but he doesn’t speak, instead interlacing his fingers with mine and squeezing my hand tightly.

“King Dolian always had a horrific temper that only grew worse the older I got. He rarely visited me before I entered my teenage years, and as a small child, I was too frightened by him to do much but cower on the sofa while he walked around the tower. As I grew more into… myself , apparently looking more like my mother, it seemed to light a fuse within him. He’d yell at me so loudly that my ears would ring, claiming I had to earn my title and become worthy of it. I still don’t know what he means by that, as the title of ruler in the Mortal Kingdom is— was —mine.”

“It still is yours. And if ruling the Mortal Kingdom is something you want—”

“No,” I interrupt, holding his gaze. “That isn’t what this is about.”

I can’t tell if he looks relieved or not by that answer, but he gestures for me to continue.

“It was the day after my birthday, and he had come up with his Trusted as he always did. I don’t remember what I said to set him off, but suddenly, there was a stinging burst of pain on my cheek and I was on the floor. He walked towards me so slowly that I should have had time to brace myself for the next hit, but I was so shocked that he had actually slapped me, that I didn’t do anything to defend myself against the next one. Or the next. Or the next.” Somewhere in my retelling, I start to cry. Shame-filled tears run down my cheeks and plop onto our joined hands. Nox is unnervingly still, only his eyes bouncing back and forth between mine indicating that he’s absorbed everything I’m saying. “I woke up still on the floor, my head aching and my face completely bruised. Nearly every time he visited, the outcome was the same. I sometimes showed defiance, but most of the time, I let it happen because I knew I couldn’t fight back. That it wouldn’t matter if I did.”

Nox’s eyes darken, and his magic pulses thickly from him. It brushes against me, my own magic surging to answer its pull even with the spelled dragon pendant resting over my heart. He drags a hand through his hair, pulling the dark waves away from his face. “That time I found you, before we escaped the tower, that wasn’t the first time he laid a hand on you?”

“No,” I whisper, another tear falling under Nox’s watch. “I don’t know how many times the king hit me. Nearly seven years of those visits meant that I stopped keeping track when the number grew to a point that I simply didn’t want to know anymore.”

Nox’s breathing gets loud, and his chest rises and falls with the force of it. “Did Alexi know?” I don’t answer, but the slight rounding of my shoulders tells him enough. “Gods, I should have gotten you out so much sooner,” he mumbles more to himself than to me, letting go of my hand to stand from the bed.

“There is more,” I whisper, shrinking under his stormy gaze. “The day you found me, King Dolian had revealed his plans for my future. After Summer Solstice, I was to become his bride and—” My voice breaks, and I can’t force the rest of the words out. The rest of the vile things he said.

Nox doesn’t move, his body rigid with anger . “I shouldn’t have spent so much time fucking around. Everyone failed you, Rhea. We failed you, and you suffered more than you ever should have.”

I blink, stunned at his words and the sharpness of his tone. “Alexi didn’t fail me,” I respond firmly, but Nox doesn’t hear me.

“I knew Dolian was vile . When he fucking kissed you after I had been stabbed, I should have unleashed my magic then. I should have let the shadows kill him and then ripped everyone else apart who stood in my way.”

“Nox.” I shuffle forward on the bed, trying to reach for his hand, but it’s like he’s stuck in a trance as he pulls away from my grasp. The shadows cast on the dark wooden floor shift. They slither towards him and gather around his legs as if he’s walking through churning dark water.

“Ask me why I didn’t just kill him when I had the chance.” His eyes are wild, the silver in them bright as his magic fills the room. When I don’t answer, he shakes his head. “It’s because I was a fucking coward . I didn’t want to leave the Mortal Kingdom in chaos, despite the fact that it’s better off without him. I didn’t want you to hate me. I made a terrible call because I was terrified you’d choose to stay there. That you’d find it to be the lesser of two evils. I replay the moment that he held you against him, when you begged him to let me go, all the damn time. All the time. ” His voice drops down to a dejected rasp. “And then he fucking kissed you, and it took everything in my power not to show my magic because I didn’t want you to think I was a monster. But I’m starting to believe that I am, Rhea, because I would choke this world in shadows if it meant you were safer for it. I should have already—”

“Nox! Stop .” Climbing off the bed, I grab his hand and pull him towards me, his shadows wrapping around my lower half like an icy wind. They are soft in their touch though, oddly comforting both to me and my magic. My hands frame his face, and I force him to look at me. His body shakes under my grasp while his eyes— It is as if liquid starlight is reflected in them. I lower one hand from his face and glide my fingers down his arm, his attention focused on my touch. Once I reach his hand, I force his arm to wrap around me. I do the same to the other side until he pulls me closer and I can feel him begin to settle. “There is nothing you or Alexi could have done. He was bound by the blood oath not to help me escape. Anything else would have resulted in his death. You know King Dolian never visited without his guards. I didn’t tell you any of this on purpose because I was ashamed. Embarrassed .”

His fingers flex against my back, his breathing still ragged.

“And maybe you could have convinced me to leave earlier with you. Or shown your magic to me sooner, killing Dolian like you said. But there is no guarantee that it wouldn’t have resulted in something worse happening. Or that we would even be here together right now. We can play the ‘what if’ game every day until we are one hundred years old, and all it will do is rob us of the present. For the first time in my life, I want to live in the present. We both made mistakes, and I do not fault you for anything, Nox. I just want to be here with you.” My thumbs brush his cheeks as his head tilts forward.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs, kissing my forehead. “For then and for now. Lately, my magic writhes furiously within me whenever I think about someone hurting you. I—” He pauses, replacing his lips against my forehead with his own as his eyes fall closed. “I have never felt this way about anyone. Never. ”

I believe every word that pours from him because it isn’t the first time he’s said it, but also because I’ve felt it to some degree as well. Despite putting on the spelled pendant, we’ve spent most of our time since here, in Nox’s room. Wrapped up in each other and simply getting to know one another better. We did visit the library again—much to Elora’s delight—and Nox also took me on a walk hidden amongst the trees. Even with the block of my magic, I can still sense this connection we have—like a whisper of string tied around my heart. It doesn’t feel like a restraint but more like a tether home. Something I could simply tug on if I lost my way.

“I have never been in love before you, but if reading copious amounts of romance novels has taught me anything”—his relaxed snort tips my lips into a smile—“it is that we just take it day by day. Together. I love you, Nox, and not just because of what you did to help me, but because I know what is in here .” I place my hand over his heart, feeling it beat soundly against his chest. He squeezes me closer to him, until my ear is resting next to my hand.

“Promise me that you will tell me if I am suffocating you. If I’m hurting instead of helping,” he whispers. I draw back to look at him, my brows furrowed in confusion. His large hand cups my face as his thumb traces underneath my lower lip. “Promise me.” All I can do is nod, watching as the final bit of tension that lines his body melts away. “There is one more thing we should discuss.”

I groan, pulling him towards the bed as exhaustion begins to weigh on my eyelids. Nox smirks, sitting at its edge before pulling me into his lap, his hands lazily moving on my back. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss both cheeks and his chin, working slowly down his jaw. When it stays silent, I pause, my lips still on his skin. “Nox.”

“Right,” he huffs with a laugh. “I need to look in your eyes when I tell you this.” Kissing my way back up, I give him a quick peck on the lips before leaning back. “I don’t think I can or should ignore the council any longer, especially knowing what they want to plan with Haylee.”

We hadn’t talked much about what Sadryn and Alexandria had told us—how the council would propose that Haylee and Nox get betrothed. Nothing beyond Nox ensuring me that either I would rule at his side or he would give up the throne all together. I wasn’t sure how I felt about either option yet.

“Are you saying it’s time we venture out of this room and actually do things?” I tease.

“Partially. I mean, yes, we should do things. And as you know, Cass is anxious to officially meet you.”

I laugh at that since Nox’s best friend Cassius had been to the door a few days ago shouting for “the lovebirds to stop fucking and come out.” He then told Nox that he was losing his pretty muscles by not training. I had seen those pretty muscles in the flesh many times and found that I disagreed completely.

“But more than that, I want this kingdom and the council that helps rule it to know who you are to me and that there is no one else that I will stand beside. That you are mine.”

My heart beats a little faster as I search his face, already suspecting what he might say.

“I want to officially announce that we are courting.”

It was early morning when Nox had gently kissed my shoulder and told me he was going to meet Cassius for training. I was still mostly asleep, murmuring that I loved him before curling deeper into the blankets.

Now awake, leaning back against the headboard with my journal resting on my thighs, I replay our interaction from the night before. At the look on my face when he said the word “courting,” he assured me it wasn’t a proposal. Not yet anyway, he had added with a devious wink. Instead, it was a way for me to move about the palace and kingdom with protection by association and for him to shut down the council’s idea right away. He also told me a little more about Haylee, that she was simply a family friend and someone they had grown up with. That was a relief, at least, to know I wasn’t walking into a situation where someone believed Nox to already be theirs.

My nerves about becoming more —consort and queen—stem from the fact that I’m not sure I can be those things. What made a good queen? I thought it might be someone who was innately good with people, one who ruled with heart, wisdom, and decorum. I didn’t have experience with any of those. I hadn’t even been able to rule over myself in my first twenty-two years. What hope—no, what business —do I have reigning over others?

The door to Nox’s room opens, and my heart leaps in my throat as I watch him kick his boots off, setting two swords down against the wall before crossing the sitting room to his bedroom. His hair is disheveled, sweat curling the strands hanging around his temples. His chest—his very bare chest—gleams as sunlight hits it at just the right angle, contouring his already sculpted body with well-placed shadows and light.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” he says with a smile, pure happiness radiating off of him. My throat constricts more tightly the longer I stare at him.

“You’re not wearing a shirt.”

“Afraid someone might enjoy the view as much as you do?” he jokes, walking over to the bed and squatting down by my side. When I don’t answer, my eyes instead narrowing on his, he only smiles wider. “Are you jealous of those hypothetical people?”

“I—” I freeze, rolling my lips together. I am jealous. Even subdued, my magic hums frantically at the thought of anyone else seeing, let alone touching, Nox. Gods above, what is wrong with me? I have felt jealousy before but only in the context of what I knew I was missing out on in life. Freedom. Friendship. Love. This, however, feels different. Looking at Nox’s perfect face, the only word that pierces through my mind and stabs into my heart is “ mine .”

He places his hands on the bed, leaning forward until we are only a few inches apart. “It’s okay if you are. Gods know I have to swallow down my own possessiveness when it comes to you. When I think of others watching you experience new things for the first time.”

I relax at his admission and lean forward to kiss him. He smells like the woods, spiced earth, and salt, and I have to squeeze my thighs together to appease the ache that builds between them. “I was expecting you to be exhausted,” I tell him when we separate.

He chuckles as he comes to a stand, his abdominal muscles flexing with the movement. My toes curl into the bed.

“Training has always been a release for me, a way to shut my mind off for a little bit.” That intrigues me, as the only time my mind ever truly quiets is when we are intimate with each other. “Cass is a talented fighter, especially with daggers and short swords, and I haven’t been practicing like usual the past few weeks. So, much to his satisfaction, he was able to best me six out of the ten matches we sparred.”

I giggle at his look of chagrin. Maybe it’s because of my previous nightmare and my confessions about feeling completely helpless, or maybe it’s because Nox looks so alive right now, but I’m surprised by my desire to attain the same level of elation.

“I think I want to train.” For some reason, my cheeks heat at the admission, but Nox’s eyes sparkle with what looks like relief—the emotion perhaps also mixed with pride.

“Of course, Rhea. Anything and everything you want to do and learn, you will.” He turns, heading towards the bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower, and then I was thinking we could start to explore Galdr if you want.”

He doesn’t make it more than halfway across the room before I’m leaping off the bed and following him, exploring something entirely different under the warmth of the shower.