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Chapter Fifty-Three: Bahira

Honna is just under a day’s trip when traveling on foot, something Kai has made sure to mention twice since I met him down in the palace foyer the following morning. “If you want to shift into your wolf, I’ll happily ride you so we can get there more quickly,” I had offered, only to get an annoyed—albeit heated—look in response.

The sun has already crested its highest point for the day, descending down towards the horizon as we make our way on a path forged through the jungle. Humidity lingers in the air, my curls wild around my face as sweat beads on the back of my neck. I’ve already complained to Kai about it more than once, earning only snorts or amused grunts in return.

Our conversation is light, both of us avoiding the topics that are harder to navigate. I have always easily detached my feelings from intimacy. It comes as naturally to me as training with my spear does, so it’s even more unsettling that, from the very beginning, I have struggled to keep my emotions in check around Kai. Even when those emotions were teetering on the edge of pure disdain, I hadn’t been able to reel them in.

“Tell me of your experiments,” Kai insists. We walk side by side, the trail barely wide enough to do so—leaves and other fauna brushing against our arms as we pass.

I look over at him, my gaze traveling up the expanse of his tattooed arm until they meet his dark eyes. “How about an exchange? I’ll tell you what I’ve found with the blood, and you tell me what your tattoos mean.”

Kai, to my everlasting shock, doesn’t hesitate. “Deal, Princess. You first.”

I smile, one that is perhaps wider than usual and not managed by caution nor tainted with sarcasm. It makes the shifter king misstep as he kicks up the small pebbles that line the dark soil of the jungle path beneath our feet. My hand shoots out to steady him, feral delight dancing in my expression.

“Fucking jungle,” he grumbles under his breath, drawing a small chuckle from me.

I launch into the retelling of my experiments from home, only leaving out our kingdom’s own magical decline. Kai questions if this is why I am so reluctant to try my magic on his people, and all I can do is nod before quickly changing the subject to what I found in his blood.

As we hike, I explain that his blood looked different under the magnifier, that it reminded me of something I had seen from home, but I didn’t know why that was. This fact seems to intrigue him as much as it does me.

A shrill scream interrupts our conversation, and I automatically reach for where my spear is attached to my pack, but Kai holds his hand up to stop me.

“It’s not a shifter.” His eyes scan the path ahead, his jaw relaxed as he takes in the other sounds that echo out in response. “We should keep moving. Honna is still a few hours away.”

I stay in step with Kai the rest of the way, burnt golden light from the setting sun painting the foliage around us. We enter the outskirts of the small border village, and I eagerly take in the place Kai used to call home. It’s reminiscent of the other places he and I have visited over my time here, but there is a noticeably different feel to it. The sound of the waves rolling in from the nearby shore is louder, while the chatter of people talking is more like a low hum. There are fewer people out mingling though animals of all species dart behind the homes, moving along the edge of the jungle in skittish steps.

“Can you communicate with real animals when you shift?” I ask, the back of my hand accidentally brushing against his. The path had widened as we got closer to what I assume is the village center, large structures with carved signs hanging from their doors dotting either side. Yet Kai and I remain close to each other, his warmth at my side different from the one that surrounds us—even with the sun nearly gone.

“ Real animals?” he asks sarcastically.

I wave my hand in exasperation in front of me. “You know what I mean.”

Kai laughs as he looks down at me from the corner of his eye. “No. I can sense animals when they’re near, but I can’t communicate with them. Nor can I speak with another shifter while they are not mortal.”

“Well, that’s a relief.”

He huffs out another noise of amusement as he guides us to a two-story building, a bear paw and butterfly wings etched into the door. It creaks when Kai pulls it open, the yellow light of flame gems placed equidistant around the foyer illuminating every corner. Kai talks with a female who sits at a desk in front of a wall of wooden cubbies, metal keys on braided ribbon strips stuffed into each one.

Our rooms are on the second floor, the doors facing each other from across a skinny hallway. Walking into mine, I sigh in relief at the clean and quaint space, dropping my pack to the floor. White pillows and a rich burgundy comforter beckon me to collapse onto them, but I immediately head to the bathroom for a cool shower.

Once the sweat from our journey is washed off of me and I’m dressed in clean clothes, I open my door to head to meet Kai and find him already waiting for me in the hall. He’s showered too, the longer strands of his hair on top pushed back from his face while a few shorter ones hang over his forehead. Even wearing a simple short-sleeved white tunic, the material thin enough to see the black tattoo lines underneath, there is no mistaking the power he exudes. No questioning that this male is not just any predator in a land of beasts but the apex. The one all others should bow to. If only he could see himself in that light. His gaze travels over my own outfit, slight surprise glinting in his eyes at the green dress I chose, the shade reminding me of the dark-colored leaves on the albero trees back home.

“I didn’t know if dinner would require a nicer outfit. I can go change—”

“No,” he cuts in, moving towards me and reaching out his hand. “I will find myself quite angry with you if you change.”

I snort to hide the way those words spark heat between my legs and place my fingers into his waiting palm without hesitation. We still have so many things to talk about, but giving him my hand is a choice that doesn’t require much forethought. He guides me towards the stairs, the width of them just enough for us to descend side by side.

We step out into the cooler evening air, glittering silver stars shining brightly above us along with a nearly full moon. Kai gives me a brief tour of Honna’s village center. The people milling about smile warmly at him, a few even come out of their stores to speak with him, shaking his hand before introducing themselves to me. Some glances linger on the place where our fingers are interlaced, and each time it happens, I try to wiggle my hand free. Kai responds by squeezing my hand more tightly. Eventually, I give up the pointless act and instead offer a small smile at the questioning looks that get sent my way. The truth is, even if these people asked outright, I wouldn’t know how to explain why he is holding my hand. Or why I enjoy it so much.

I keep watch of the gazes that land on us, noticing a haggard few outliers that keep to the shadowy corners of the shops. One includes a male, his hands resting on two young females—their clothes dirtied and hair messily gathered behind them. They watch us warily as we pass, like they aren’t sure if we’re a threat. They make no attempt to speak with Kai, so I don’t bother pointing them out to him.

We walk all the way to the edge of Honna, where a two-story business stands. The windows are open on the first floor to reveal a gathering of people laughing and singing and talking.

When Kai opens the door and guides me in with a hand on my low back, every gaze in the establishment lands on us. Then a cheer goes up and glasses clink together, and despite myself, I can’t help but smile. The people here don’t send Kai menacing looks or secret glares. They don’t snarl in his direction or whisper as he passes. Instead, they offer genuine conversation and revelry, and something about that—about knowing that there is a place on this island that doesn’t harbor ill will towards him—makes my stomach feel pleasantly warm.

“You owe me an explanation of what your tattoos mean,” I say around a bite of food, the salty ocean breeze pulling more strands of hair from where I’ve tucked them behind my ear.

Kai’s fingers drum along the stem of his wine glass, the red liquid nearly gone within it. He extends his arm on the table until the entire top of it is bathed in moonlight. “Let me see your hand.” I reach across the table, and he wraps his fingers around mine, setting them over the first band of ink that is lowest on his wrist. “There is an ancient ritual that all shifters must go through before they are considered an adult. They can request the ceremony at any age past seventeen. Only when they master the challenges can they get their first tattoo and begin the tableau that will detail their lives.” His skin is warm beneath my fingertips as he drags them up to the next tattoo.

“When did you request your ceremony?” I ask, my gaze fixed on our point of contact.

“The earliest moment I could.”

“And when did you get your first tattoo?”

I can hear the pleasure—and pride—in his voice when he answers, “Seventeen.”

My eyes find his then, only to dip down to his lips. His smile can’t be described as wide or brimming compared to someone like Jahlee, but for Kai, it is like watching the exact moment the sun dips past the horizon or a star winks to life in the night sky. It’s rare and raw .

Clearing my throat, I gesture to the next set of lines. These are more intricate than the band, a V-shaped pattern filling the space between two thick black borders. “What does this one represent?”

“My mother,” he says thickly. His fingers twitch around mine, but when I look at him, his attention stays focused on his arm. My thumb brushes the back of his hand in a gentle swipe, and the corner of his mouth lifts a little in response. I push my fingers farther up, tracing over the next tattoo. It covers most of the rest of his forearm, the design one of black whirls like cresting waves that meet at the midline of his arm. The melancholy that surrounded him seeps away as he explains that this larger piece is dedicated to Jahlee.

“I imagine that she loves having such a large focal point devoted to her on your skin,” I tease, earning a deep chuckle from him. “Do any of these represent a past lover?”

Not that I had ever asked, but neither Kai nor Jahlee ever mentioned anyone from his past that he might have been romantically involved with. I suppose I hadn’t really noticed, between the general stares of disdain or disinterest he received, if there were also those who looked at him with open hunger. He is an attractive king, his strength and fortitude only adding to his appeal. I had to imagine that there was no shortage of females—and males—wanting to drag their mouths over his body. Wanting to watch him crumble beneath them. Or over them.

“No.” His one word answer draws my focus back up, and I arch my brow in question. In a movement that makes him look younger, he drags his hand through his hair and holds it there, his voice a touch quieter as he says, “There have been lovers but never anyone important enough to ink permanently on my skin. I have never allowed there to be.”

I nod, understanding his need to self-isolate in this way. He goes on to explain what the other swirls and intricately woven lines mean. Some represent his animal form, others pivotal moments in his life. He casually mentions the first time he killed a rebel who attacked him, showing me where the short marks of ink that are on his upper arm are dedicated to the life lost. Our elbows rest on the table as we lean in towards each other, Kai letting my fingers drift over his arm as he tells the story of each one. It really is a tapestry of his life, one that only he truly understands but is willing to give me pieces of.

“Thank you for telling me,” I say quietly, my fingers cold without his touch when I lean back in my chair. He dips his chin and drains the last bit of his wine before we leave the restaurant and make our way back to the inn, our conversation shifting to the events of the public forum.

“I want to apologize to you for that,” he states as we climb the steps to the second floor. We stop in front of my door, Kai’s towering frame in front of me as I lean back against the wood.

“And what exactly are you apologizing for?” I ask as my lips curl. “There is the fact that you thought I was sabotaging you. You could apologize for ignoring me for days—”

“Let’s assume that the apology extends from the moment I stepped off the dais to now,” he interrupts with a wave of his hand. “It was not easy hearing what I already assumed to be true from the people of this kingdom. It was as if the whispers that caressed my back became screams pelting my front.” He shakes his head, apprehension pulling down his brows and sending a hint of vulnerability into his gaze. “There are not many people I trust, but I am loath to admit that I trust you . So, I’m sorry.”

His sincerity pulls my breath from me even as guilt slithers like a serpent in my veins, making my heart pound beneath my ribs. “And if I don’t accept your apology?” I deflect, focusing instead on the desire taking root when he glares down at me.

“Of course you would make this more difficult.” He closes the distance between us, his chest rising and falling only a few inches away from my own. Despite his words, his eyes devour mine, eager intent gleaming within them.

“You did call me a thorn under your skin. And a curse,” I remind him, maybe to appease my own conscience. “I suppose you need to ask yourself if the poison you believe me to be is worth consuming in order to earn my forgiveness.”

Leaning over me, his thumb brushes my lower lip followed by the caress of his breath. “You will accept the apology, Bahira.”

My name on his lips draws a shiver from me as I tilt my chin up to hold his gaze. “ Make me .”

Kai meets my challenge with feral intensity, one hand wrapping around my hip to pull me closer while the other one opens the door to my room. He walks me backward, his mouth devouring mine while I dig my nails into his shoulders. I moan at his taste, his tongue sliding into my mouth in a manner that’s neither gentle nor sweet. The door slams behind us, and he brings his other hand to my neck, gripping it as he pulls me closer to him.

“How badly do you want this?” I ask, my hand roaming down to stroke his cock over the fabric of his trousers, smirking when his grip tightens on me. “How badly do you want me ?” It’s an unfair question, one he has no way of answering truthfully while I am lying to him. However, those rational thoughts lose out to the desperation that slices through me. For the first time in a very long time, I crave being told that I’m wanted. And not just by anyone, but by him .

“Frustrating creature,” he breathes, dragging his teeth over my bottom lip. “The things I want to make you do. The things I want to do to you. Of course, I want you.”

I clench my legs together, need already pounding headily through me, as I grip onto the edge of his tunic and force him to let me go so he can take it off. Light from a nearby flame gem blankets the contours of his muscles, my tongue darting out to lick my bottom lip as I take him in. Gods, he is so fucking perfect . Muscles I’ve never seen so defined before ripple beneath his skin as he reaches for my own clothing.

With quick hands, he takes my dress off while I slide my undergarments down my legs, stepping out of them when they hit the floor. The veins in Kai’s forearms protrude as he undoes the laces of his trousers, the fraying of his restraint making his fingers shake. Intent on torturing him further, I lay back on the bed, propping on my elbows before spreading my legs out wide and digging my heels into the comforter. Cool air sweeps against my sex, and my lips twitch at the frenzied look of hunger on his face. Gold flashes in his gaze, the thinnest ring appearing around his irises and signaling what I’ve learned is his animal trying to break through.

He stands before me completely bare, his hand wrapping around his impressive cock as he begins to stroke it. “You will be my undoing,” he groans, his focus on the glistening arousal gathering between my legs. The power dynamic between us shifts in his direction as my attention falls to the way he works himself. Unable to stop myself, my fingers trail down my stomach to my aching clit, lust rushing through me harshly enough to part my lips with a gasp at the first searing touch.

I swirl my finger faster, my focus bouncing between Kai’s golden gaze and the rough pumping of his hand. Breaths rush out of me as I build to my climax, and the moment my head falls back, my release only another few strokes away, Kai rushes to me. He yanks my hand away from my body, ignoring my yelp of protest as he uses his forearms to pin my hips to the bed. I cry out at the first swipe of his tongue against me. Kai buries his face between my legs, the sensation of his mouth working me sending me to a blinding cacophony of whimpers and groans.

“The taste of you, Bahira. Burning hell.”

So close. I’m so fucking close. My fingers grip onto his hair, pulling his head towards my core despite the fact that his tongue is already exploring it thoroughly. He gives me one long luxurious lick up my center before he lifts his head and crawls over my body, settling his hips between my legs.

“What are—” The question is stopped as his lips claim mine, my arousal flavoring the kiss.

“You can come when you accept my apology,” he taunts as he pulls back, sliding his mouth lower until he drags his teeth over one of my nipples.

My breaths come unevenly as my heart flutters like a caged bird. Control . I need control. In two swift movements, I wrap my leg around his hip and jerk us to the side, Kai’s weight making us flip positions with my knees now straddling his hips.

“Bahira,” he rumbles, the vibration of it traveling down his body and into mine as his hands find purchase on my waist.

“Do you have any idea how often I’ve touched myself imagining it was you? How hard I come with your name slipping past my lips? You won’t stay out of my fucking head.” Leaning over to nip at his ear, I moan at the way his grip tightens enough that I know there will be bruises marking my skin in the morning. “I should make you beg,” I muse, sex drenching every word. Delirious pleasure radiates from his expression, and though I wish to draw out my torment of him, my body is too eager. Reaching down to position his cock at my entrance, I gradually sink down a little onto him before drawing back up. Repeating the motion, I watch Kai’s breathing quicken, my nails digging into his heaving chest.

“I’m going to make you regret teasing me.” It’s the only warning he gives before he thrusts up in one harsh motion, stretching me and filling me to the brim.

“You assho— ” I begin to shout, but he pulls me down in tandem with his next thrust, effectively silencing me. We both moan, Kai’s gaze heavy on me as I arch my back, sliding my knees farther over the bed so that I can take him in as deeply as possible. He feels so good— so fucking good —that I can’t help but rock my hips, the angle and force of his own driving up unleashing a cry from my throat. Heavy panting fills the air, the tension between us thick as we move in perfect harmony. “Oh gods,” I gasp. My eyes close, but Kai’s hand shoots to my neck, his long fingers wrapping firmly around it.

“Watch who is fucking you, Bahira.”

I force my gaze to his, sliding my hands over his chest and down the rigid muscles of his abdomen. His warm skin and scent work in tandem with the thrust of his hips to expertly unravel me. My breathing changes when the hand holding me in place tenses, and my orgasm rushes through me so harshly that my legs shake as I come. He immediately sits up and cradles my face, claiming my lips with his.

“Kai.” I try to fight out of his intimate hold on me. I need to gain control again—I have to—but his grip is unyielding, his predatory eyes feasting on me until I surrender to his mercy. Kai rumbles his approval at this and kisses me again, this time more slowly, his mouth exploring me in exquisite detail. My movements are impatient, needy , my body craving the friction that only he can give me, but his hands leave my face and plant on my hips to hold me in place.

“Get on your hands and knees.”

The command is given roughly, and I respond in kind, fighting to push him back down on the bed. But he’s so much stronger than he’s ever let show, and I’m weaker around him than I ever thought possible. So when he gives the order again, I crawl off of him and move onto all fours.

“You are exquisite,” he whispers, trailing reverent, delicate kisses down my spine.

My breath catches from the act, my thighs growing more slick as I feel him coat himself in my arousal. Holding on to my hips, he squeezes once in warning before he fills me again. His size stretches me to the edge of pain, the prickling sensation making me groan. The pace he sets is devastating, and my hands slip from the force of his thrusts until my chest meets the blanket and my arms stretch out in front of me.

“Is this what you need, Bahira?” he asks, a hand gliding down my skin until it’s wrapping into my hair and tugging my head back. Yes. No. I don’t fucking know. The bow of my back and arch of my neck sends a rippling sear of pleasure through me, my inner walls clenching tightly around Kai as each snap of his hips brings me closer to release. “Say it.”

I call out his name, aching pleasure rushing into every vein. Kai slows his thrusts down, letting go of my hair to wrap an arm around my waist. He hauls me up, my back smacking into his chest as my sharp gasp echoes out at the angle change. I reach up and slide my fingers into his hair, tilting his head down so that our lips meet in a blistering kiss.

More. More. More. It’s the only word that forms in my mind as I suck his tongue into my mouth, the need to taste him and feel him overwhelming every part of me. It’s chaos—a world-ending churning of pleasure and pain and bliss and agony. He’s orchestrating both my demise and my awakening. I know that I am feeling too deeply, and yet I can’t find it in me to stop this.

But Kai does.

He stills our hips, moving his hand down until his thumb flicks over my clit. I cry out, trying to wiggle for friction again, but he keeps me pinned in place against him and completely at his mercy. Sharp teeth meet the shell of my ear, sending waves of desire over every sensitive nerve. “Say it, Bahira.”

“I despise you,” I growl, but it doesn’t come out with the gravity needed to make the statement believable. Kai’s chuckle is a tantalizing scrape against me, his thumb playing as if he can’t help but taunt me despite his own command. “I accept your apology. Now make me come again, or I swear to all the gods, I will punch you.”

His lips skim over my shoulder as he resumes his merciless pace. One of his hands finds mine and flattens it against my stomach, laying his on top. He moves them lower, spreading my pointer and middle finger apart and placing them on either side of where he is fucking me, then draws them closer together until I can feel him sliding in and out.

“You take me so well,” he growls in my ear, the words lighting me up as I lean my head back against him. “I knew you would. Do you feel that? Do you feel how only I can fuck you?”

“Kai,” I whisper, his name a desperate plea. I said I would never beg him for anything, and twice now, I’ve broken that promise to myself.

His voice is softer than I’ve ever heard it before, even though he moves as if he’s angry with me. His body doling out a punishment mine is all too willing to take. “I thought about you too. Just like this. Come for me, Bahira. Drench my cock with your sweet release.” He buries himself to the hilt again, and I do as he says. I give it all to him, his name on my lips against his mouth as my body tightens. Kai pulses inside me, and together, we become undone. Resting his forehead against my temple, his hands hold me in place—perhaps knowing that the moment reality hits, I might crumble.

It’s never been like this before. The ludicrous thought tumbles around in my head when Kai pulls out of me, carefully helping me off the bed so that I can head to the bathroom to clean up. It’s never been like this. I can’t even define what this is. The sex itself? The emotion in it? Kai’s words and the way I never once found myself wishing for more or different or other ? All of those statements are true, and all of them turn my stomach to lead because this place is not my home. He is not my home. He can’t be.

He’s still on the bed when I come out of the bathroom, my steps faltering as I take in each muscular plane and divot of his naked form. He studies me, acknowledging the inner turmoil that must show on my face. “I’ll go,” he offers effortlessly, as if understanding that I’ve never done this . Maybe he hasn’t either.

My throat constricts as I watch him stand and walk to where our clothes are still lying on the floor. “Stay.” He freezes, his eyes finding mine across the dark room as something new and soft forms between us. “If you want to.” Stupid. What a stupid fucking thing to say.

But Kai gestures for me to get in bed as he climbs in too, this time going under the covers and reaching for me. He pulls me to him until my head is lying on his chest, the steady beat of his heart pounding beneath my ear and softening the tension in my body.

“Goodnight, Princess.”

I allow my eyes to fall closed, my fingers uncurling until my hand is flat against his stomach and my breaths grow lazy. “Goodnight, Kai.”