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Chapter Fifty-Nine: Rhea

I tell Elora nearly everything. Who I truly am and where I come from. How Nox and I met. I tell her about Bella. About how Nox lied to me and how we reconciled. I leave out any talk of my magic and the Middle only because I still have so many questions about those things myself that I can’t really explain them to her yet. I share with her about the council meeting and Haylee’s proposal afterwards.

Lying on our backs hidden between two bookcases, I stare up at the wooden beams that cross the ceiling and sigh. “I’m sorry that I kept everything from you.” When she stays silent, I turn and look at her. “Are you mad?”

She meets my gaze, her freckled cheeks rounding with a small smile. “No, of course not. I understand why you had to keep things secret. I understand why Nox is asking that of you. And I also understand that I now need to keep this secret.”

“I won’t ask you to lie. It is not your responsibility to—”

“I already knew that you weren’t from Santor,” she interrupts.

My lips part in surprise as I push up onto my elbow. “What?”

Elora mimics my position, playing with the ends of her hair before twisting her lips to the side. “Do you remember during our first book club meeting when I asked you to confirm where you were from? And what your last name was? It’s because I wanted to research if anyone from your family line might still be alive. Maybe a distant cousin or something. I was going to surprise you if I found anything, but the orphanage I contacted had no record of you.”

I drop my gaze to the floor and swallow roughly.

“And then I reached out to the records person in the town, and they had no information on you either. I figured someone with your unique eyes would be remembered, so that had to mean you weren’t actually ever there.”

“How long have you known? And are my eyes really that unique?” I knew the majority of mages had some variation of gray eyes, but I had seen shades of blue and even brown too. However, Nox had never once said anything about my own other than the fact that he loved them.

“A few weeks now. And yes, I have never seen anyone else with green eyes. I’ve hardly seen that shade mentioned in any of our history books.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “It should make finding your ancestry pretty easy if that is something you want to do. One part of you, at the very least, is mage. If that part comes with the side that gave you green eyes, I think we’ll be able to track it. To see if you might have any living family members. Well,” she pauses, her cheeks growing red not from embarrassment but from anger, “if there are any other than that asshole king.”

I want to snort at her reaction, at how her fists ball up as if she can punch my uncle right from where she lies, but I’m still caught up on the fact that she knew I was lying to her for weeks . Weeks in which time was spent dancing at a tavern and reading books and talking as if nothing was wrong at all.

“You knew all that time and didn’t bring it up? Why?”

Elora sits up fully, smoothing her flowy white top, the sleeves long and growing wider as they near her hands. “I don’t know. You only ever talked about your past if I brought it up, and even then, you were reluctant to do so if it didn’t revolve around Nox. I thought at first it was because you were kind of obsessed with him”—I can’t help but snort at that—“but I realized that there was something else going on. Something you either couldn’t or wouldn’t speak about. And maybe a part of me hoped that you might trust me enough to open up to me eventually.”

“I’m sorry it took so long.”

Elora waves off my apology, flicking her copper hair over her shoulder. “Rhea, you’ve been through enough. You don’t need to apologize to me. Just know that if there is ever anything you want to talk about, I’m here. And there are no stipulations attached to that. I’m your friend, whether you tell me every little detail or you pick and choose what truths you want me to know. As long as you know that I am someone you can come to.”

I smile at my friend— my friend —and she smiles back as if the same words are repeating in her head.

“Though perhaps as my friend, you could try every once and a while to accidentally have us run into a certain mage king.”

“Oh my gods,” I huff, our joyful laughter helping to ease my tumultuous nerves. My magic hums within me as a light tugging sensation sends my hand to my chest and my head turning towards the door on the other side of the library.

“What is it?” Elora asks as she watches me stand.

“I think—”

“Sunshine? Are you back there?” Nox calls out right as shadows slither across the floor.

“Yes!” I shout, waiting for Elora to join me as we find our way out of the maze of books and back to her desk. The shadows instantly dissipate as if Nox has released a breath.

“I always forget he can do that,” Elora muses as she watches them become stagnant once more. “And I still think it’s bizarre that you can tell he’s near without seeing him first.”

“Isn’t it just his magical signature? His is so strong that I figured everyone could tell when he is close by.”

Elora shakes her head as Nox’s footsteps near. “Signature strengths are specific to each person, but from far away, I can’t tell if the magic I am sensing is one individual or many. I can’t name the person based on their signature alone without seeing them. Does your magic recognize his?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm,” she responds, her gaze lost in thought.

My brows furrow at her answer, but then Nox rounds the corner, and I’m taken aback by the look on his face and the way his body moves—by just him . Small tendrils of his wavy hair hang over his forehead, the rest looking mussed as if he’s run his hand through it multiple times. His magic ripples over me the closer he gets, calling to mine until I feel it blooming right beneath my skin.

“Are you alright?” he asks when he nears, his hands gently cradling my face despite the tension that I can feel radiating off of him.

“Yes, are you?” I question, dragging my gaze over him.

“Better now.” His forehead comes to mine, his words quiet and just barely reaching my ear. “You make everything better.” He looks tired , as if the weight he’s been trying to balance since coming home is cleaving him in two.

I turn to look at Elora, an apology on my tongue, but she’s already waving her hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” I confirm, then lace my fingers with Nox’s.

He guides us into the hall and up the stairs to his room, our silence only interrupted by the sound of our steps. When he closes the door behind him and turns to lean against it, a line forms between his brows. “I came here after my walk with my father, looking for you.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts while waiting for you. So I went to see Elora.”

He nods his head, a hand diving into his hair as he holds the strands there. “I’m sorry, too. I messed up.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was your fear. I swear I could feel it when Borris yelled at you. It was like I had no choice; my magic forced me to bend to its will and get to you. I shouldn’t have barged into the council room. It played directly into their hands, and now they are convinced you’ve somehow tricked me into being with you. They are officially asking my father to not recognize our courtship.”

I hold his gaze, a sinking sensation making bile churn in my stomach. “The questions they asked me… They weren’t what we practiced.”

“Another thing I’ve failed at,” he grumbles under his breath.

“That isn’t what I mean.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it? I didn’t prepare you properly. I don’t think I’ve fully convinced them of what I said happened in the Mortal Kingdom. I couldn’t save you from more pain caused by your uncle—”

“Nox,” I cut in, moving until I’m right in front of him, my hands grabbing his. “You are not a failure. You cannot hold yourself to these impossible standards.”

“Nothing should be impossible when it comes to keeping you safe,” he counters, his voice gravelly. “I can’t fail at that.”

“I am safe.” At my words, his body softens against mine and he wraps his arms around me. “Do you think we should tell the council the truth?”

He sighs but shakes his head. “I’ve thought about it, but you saw how they treated you just thinking you were from a small town here in our kingdom.” Noting the puzzled look on my face, he adds, “My father told me what they said to you and about you.” The last two words are growled from between his clenched teeth. My thumbs rub his cheeks as he exhales slowly. “They won’t understand. Even knowing that your blood is mage, all they’ll hear is that you’re from the Mortal Kingdom, and they will think even worse about you under the guise of safety for the kingdom.”

I nod my head though my heart sinks into my already aching stomach. Maybe before today, I might have pushed harder to tell them, but the council already has a person in mind for who they want to be their future queen, and it isn’t me. “Then what do we do?”

“I don’t know. I hate lying as much as you do, but I think it’s our only answer right now. The less people that know the truth, the safer you will be.”

Worrying my lower lip, I think about how Nox doesn’t know that I have told someone. But Elora is my friend, and she has already proven that she is trustworthy. She could have gone to the council at any moment once she realized I was lying about where I was from, but she hadn’t. Even though the logic is sound, the words are still rushed when I say them. “I told Elora.”

Nox looks confused before the statement begins to sink in and his lips flatten into a straight line. “Told her what, exactly?”

“Everything. Well, not what my magic can do and nothing about the Middle. But everything else.”

“ Why ?” he whispers, not in tenderness but in barely tempered frustration. “I am lying through my teeth every day to a council who—” He stops abruptly and squeezes his eyes shut as he shakes his head. “Why would you risk it?”

Stepping back, I create space between us and intertwine my fingers together in front of me. “You told Cassius.”

He exhales a short breath while drawing a single brow up. “Cass has been my friend for my entire life. I trust him implicitly.”

“Elora is my friend. She won’t say anything.”

Nox moves from the door, his hands braced on his hips as his steps rattle the floor with his pacing. “You don’t know her well enough yet to know what her intentions are, Sunshine. You’ve never experienced someone being polite to your face and then plunging a dagger into your back the moment you turn around.”

“She wouldn’t do that.” I scowl, nervously clutching the dragon pendant as I challenge Nox. “I trust her.”

His hands run down his face as he chuckles without levity. “Gods, what if she says something to the council? I need to speak with her and make sure—”

“Like you spoke to Daje?” I snap. Both halves of my magic stir to life within me. The dark shadows peek in curiosity from beneath the restraint I have on them, but with a deep breath, I settle both the dark and the light magic back down. The small stone in my grasp seems to hum against my skin.

Eyes stunned wide at first, Nox recovers quickly and splays his arms out at his sides. “Yes! I will say it as often as I need to; I will do whatever it takes to make sure you are safe.”

“By threatening our friends? I don’t want that !” My chest heaves with my own conviction, but tears crest my eyelids while we stare at each other.

The hard lines of his expression dissipate as he holds his hands out in front of him. “I will not threaten Elora, but I would like to talk with her.”

“Why?”

Magic thickens in the air around us, his and mine. His answer is spoken gently despite the harshness of it. “Because you don’t know her—”

“Just because she hasn’t been a lifelong friend doesn’t mean she’s an enemy!” The room around me begins to blur, my throat growing too narrow.

“And just because you think that doesn’t make it true.” Softly, it’s spoken so softly. As if coaxing a wild animal into a cage.

I gasp as a thundering understanding pounds into my heart, nearly making me stumble backward. “This has nothing to do with how long I’ve known her,” I murmur, my tears breaking free. “I don’t care that you told Cass, not because he’s been your friend for a long time but because I trust you .”

Nox shakes his head, a muscle in his jaw ticking. “That isn’t a fair comparison, and you know it.”

“What I know is that you don’t trust my judgment! And that means that you don’t trust me.”

“You think I don’t trust you?” he asks, emotion strangling the words as his face begins to crumble. “Rhea— gods —you are my everything .”

“I do not doubt your love for me, but I think trusting me means that you would understand why I told Elora. That you would understand we are on an island of our own making, and while we have each other, it’s still an island. ” I gasp for a breath, a sob shaking my shoulders as it shatters the tension between us. “I need a lifeline of my choosing. I want a friend of my own to share this burden with. Just like you have in Cass. And Elora has known for weeks that I’ve been lying to her and has done nothing with that information!”

He doesn’t say anything at first, his dark gaze flickering as his eyes bounce between mine. “I am just trying to protect you.”

“But this doesn’t feel like protection! It feels like drowning. Like I’m—” I stop myself before I say the word, but Nox reads it on my face anyway.

“It feels like I’m suffocating you.”

The anger drains from me nearly as quickly as it came. “Lies and secrets do not make impenetrable shields, Nox. At some point, they are going to turn into weapons; ones that we may no longer wield.”

He stills, nothing moving beyond the rough working of the column of his throat as regret shines in his glassy eyes. His devastation is palpable, and it chills me further to the bone with every second that passes.

“You’re right,” he relents, hardly any sound to his voice. “You’re right, and I’m sorry.” His gaze falls to my feet as he looses a haggard breath. “Even with years spent living under the ruse of being someone else, I have never felt less in control than I do now. I keep trying to anchor myself back into my role as the crown prince, as a son and a friend. As someone that is strong and worthy of you, but instead, I find myself angry that you can’t roam this kingdom as your true self. Angry that a council that shouldn’t have a say in our relationship keeps finding ways to. Angry that your bastard uncle has tarnished your freedom by hurting someone who could have given you information about your mother, all because she helped me. I am terrified that others might pay that price. Or that you will. You have been through so much, and I wanted my home to feel like it could be yours too.” A single tear escapes as he lifts his eyes back to mine. “I am angry, and I am scared, and I am lost .”

My feet move without my command, closing the distance between us until his body is held close to mine. “I’m sorry too,” I rasp, squeezing him tightly to me as my arms wrap around his neck. “I’m sorry for pushing to speak with the council, only to make things worse. I’m sorry that I haven’t reassured you more that the only thing I need to feel like I am home is you .” Leaning back, I wait until his eyes meet mine, my hands gently cupping his face. “If you are angry, then let me soothe you. If you are scared, then let me be your comfort. And if you are lost,” I whisper, lifting up on my toes. “If you are lost, then let me be lost with you. After everything , my love for you is not composed of fragile dedication. It is all-consuming, ever-present, and unshakable . I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me when you are struggling, even if I am the reason why.”

“What if this is to be the rest of our life? Fighting with the council and having to hide parts of ourselves from them?” he asks, his arms snaking around me.

I close my eyes and breathe him in. “Do you want to be king?”

A few moments pass before he whispers, “I would like to rule with you.”

I smile, softly gliding my lips against his. “Then we take it day by day, remember? And we cannot isolate ourselves. We need to let the people who care about us into our lives too. Without fear.”

Nox nods, and though he breathes easier, his body droops as his hands grip onto me tightly. I cannot let him break—not when he’s saved me from my own ruination so many times before.

“Come on,” I say, my hand finding his as I lead him into the bathroom and start the shower. Steam begins to billow out, fogging the mirror as it surrounds us. My fingers work the buttons of his tunic, releasing each one and exposing his bare chest beneath. When I’ve reached the end and begin to unbuckle his belt, Nox lays a hand over mine, his brow raised in question. My cheeks heat as I shake my head and admit, “I’m not asking for that . I just want to take care of you.”

He slowly releases my hand, surprise etched on his face. Has no one ever offered to do that? To care for him in the way he so selflessly does for others?

My undressing of him is tender and affectionate, and when I’ve peeled all of his clothes away, I gently guide him towards the shower before stripping myself of my dress and undergarments. Nox watches me as I step in and reach for his soap, lathering it on a cloth as the rich scents of earth and spice mix into the warm air. I wash in gentle sweeps over his shoulders, arms, and across his chest before walking around to his back.

“When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen,” I confess, lowering the cloth over his perfect backside and down the length of his legs.

“Well, as you reminded me that morning in the woods, you hadn’t seen very many people.”

I snort, and though I can’t see his face, I can picture the smile that is gracing it. “I’ve seen more people since then.”

“And you now know the error of your ways?” he taunts.

Soap drips down his body as I stand and walk around to his front, gratification suffusing me when I see his lips tilted upwards. “And I still think it’s true.”

“I was stunned the first time I saw you,” he says, his fingers trailing lightly up and down my arms. “You looked so different from the image I had in my head because of the king’s lies.” He had told me as much in that moment. You aren’t what I expected. I watch him as he reminisces, reaching up to brush away the wet strands of hair that have plastered to his forehead. “And you were so clearly terrified that I didn’t know exactly what to do or say to not make you more so.”

“I think you handled it well enough, from what I remember.” I was still suffocating in the throes of grief after Alexi’s death then.

He smiles though there is a somberness to it. His lips caress over my temple, lingering there for a moment before pulling back. “And then, when you came down those stairs, I caught you staring very intently at me.”

I roll my eyes, slapping his chest with the sudsy cloth before laying it down. Stretching for the shampoo, I stop short when I realize that I can’t properly reach the top of his head. “I think you’ll have to do your hair.”

Nox doesn’t hesitate as he lowers onto his knees, his hands resting against my lower back. “Not exactly how I hoped to get on my knees before you today, but where I belong nonetheless,” he says quietly.

I run my hands through his hair before leaning down to kiss the top of his head, all while he rests his forehead against my sternum. It’s silent once more as I shampoo him before lathering my own hair. Still kneeling before me, Nox washes my body with his hands, his reverent touch coaxing me further into the depths of the emotions welling inside of me—the ones made to glow by what it means to be his.

It solidifies the truth that I will never share him with anyone else, even if only in name. I didn’t think myself to be a selfish person. But for him? For us ? I will be. My magic hums happily at the thought.

“Haylee pulled me aside after the meeting.” I speak while I drag my fingers slowly back and forth over his shoulders, his muscles relaxing with each swipe. “She offered to marry you for show so that we could be together in secret.”

Nox’s head snaps up to look at me, sending water droplets flying in all directions. “Please tell me you are joking.”

“She seemed very sincere,” I continue, the warm water of the shower still raining down over us, “and I can’t deny that, in a moment of weakness, I thought about it. I could see the two of you, regal and poised and exactly what the council wants.” I do wonder if her earnestness in offering to marry him was truly as she said or if there was another reason she was so eager to help me.

He stands, his hands sliding up my body until they are resting below the curve of my breasts. “I don’t fucking care how sincere her offer was or what the council wants; it will never happen.”

“I know. I will not share you,” I breathe.

“Nor I you.”

I can’t help the way my lips curve as I respond, “Well, it’s not like anyone is out here offering to marry me for show.”

“That is true. It’s a good thing it’s not a competition, or you’d be losing.” I scoff as he laughs, and stars above, what a beautiful sound it is. “What if there was a proposal to you made out of love?” he asks, his voice low while his hands move a little higher up my sides.

I blink as my lips part, unsure I heard him correctly. “Are you proposing to me in the shower?”

Nox pulls me close as he peppers kisses over my surprised face. “Do you really think I’d propose somewhere that would have others picturing you naked when you told them the story of it? My ego is big, Sunshine, but even I cannot handle that.”

I burst into laughter, my forehead going to his chest as the sound reverberates off of the stone around us. I laugh until my stomach hurts, until tears mix with the water and Nox is laughing with me. “You are absolutely ridiculous .”

“Perhaps, but you love me anyway.”

My laughter tapers off as I lift my head and look at him. “I do,” I affirm, framing his face with my hands and pulling him down into a kiss.

Though we are pressed together completely free of any clothing, the joining of our lips stays gentle and sweet. When we separate, Nox reaches behind me to turn the shower off before grabbing our towels. Dried and partially dressed—him in a pair of thin cotton sleeping pants and me, curiously, in one of his short-sleeved t-shirts that hangs to mid-thigh—he threads his fingers through mine as we make our way to the bed.

“Is there a reason why my own sleeping clothes were not good enough?” I ask, sliding my leg between his as he wraps an arm around me and pulls me into his side.

“No reason other than it makes me and my magic happy to see you wearing something of mine.” I playfully poke his side, garnering a deep chuckle as his lips find my temple. “I am sorry for earlier. I will be better.”

I tilt my chin up, my heavy-lidded gaze catching his. “I don’t want you to be better, Nox, as that implies there is something wrong with you. Just remember that you don’t have to do it all alone.” I kiss his cheek before a yawn breaks free as I lay my head back down on his shoulder and close my eyes. “You should probably apologize to Daje though.”

His laugh is soft when he replies, “We’ll see.”