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Chapter Fifteen: Nox

The light of the setting sun pours in through the open windows of my room directly onto her soft face. For the last four days, I have watched her sleep here in my bed. I have been too afraid to go far from this space, wondering if she will wake up when I’m gone and then thinking that maybe it’s better if I leave so that she can.

But for her, I am selfish. My heart beats discordantly in my chest, but still, it’s a song that is only meant for her to hear.

“Fuck,” I whisper, my hands cradling my head as my fingers push into my temples.

“Have you tried talking to her?” Cass asks from where he sits in a chair next to me. I look over at him, watching as he uses one of his daggers to carve something into a piece of wood. He’s abandoned his guard leathers and, instead, wears simple black trousers and a bright green short-sleeved tunic, his light blond hair tied away from his face. When I don’t answer, he elaborates, “You know, telling her a memory or a story that she hasn’t heard before.”

“No,” I answer, lifting my head from my hands and turning my gaze back to her. “Do you think it would help?”

“It wouldn’t hurt .”

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. There are so many memories of our time together to choose from. I keep them tucked into my mind like books tightly packed on a shelf. The first time she smiled at me. The first time I truly heard her laugh. The way she trusted me enough to talk about Alexi, and then the guilt that immediately flooded me after she had. The first—and only—time she told me she loved me. And the way I felt reborn because of it.

“Surely you can think of one moment you want to remind her of?” Cass questions skeptically, cutting into my thoughts.

“I remember them all. Every word, every lingering glance and soft touch of our skin. She is imprinted on my very soul, Cass.” The words rasp out of me as I fight the urge to let every emotion vying for dominance inside of me spill out. The noise of metal on wood ceases, and I can feel the weight of my friend’s stare on the side of my face.

“You’re in love with her?” His shock is so blatant that it nearly pulls a laugh from me.

“You don’t have to sound so surprised about it,” I grumble.

“Bullshit. You want me to ignore the fact that you show up back here with a gorgeous woman in tow—one whose magic feels as strong as yours does, by the way—and I’m just supposed to pretend that this is normal?”

“Preferably.”

Cass curses under his breath as he leans forward. “I still don’t understand how this happened. When did you have time to fall in love while working as a guard and sneaking around the castle?”

I wince a little at the fact that I haven’t told him everything yet. Normally on my visits home, Cass and I would spend the first few days catching up after I had relayed everything I knew to the council. Something they are currently still waiting for me to do. My father has been able to hold them off, telling them that I need rest. That I need to readjust after so much time away. Only the healers and Sarai, who are sworn to secrecy, know that Rhea is here with me. And only my parents know the reason that I won’t leave.

Magic stirs in my chest, a fierce need urging me to make sure that no one else knows about Rhea. That she is protected at all costs. I have to fight against the harsh yank of that invisible chain, clenching my jaw as I do so. “It’s a long story. The important part you need to know now is that I will do everything in my power to assure that she is safe here. I may need your help to do so. I won’t ask you to do anything you’re not—”

“Yeah, I’m going to stop you right there,” he interjects.

I turn to look at him, my heart beating more harshly. Cassius is practically my brother. We grew up together and were inseparable through all stages of life until it was time for me to leave and search for the perceived magical threat to our kingdom. On my short visits home, it took days for me to shed the fake persona I had adopted as Flynn, guard in the Mortal Kingdom. But Cass had been there for me every time I came back frustrated and defeated and so godsdamn tired of pretending. His wit and humor—his ability to tell me when I was acting like an ass—always felt like a reset. I was able to find my true self whenever I spent enough time with him—the self I had buried deep within for fear of getting caught undercover. The only other person who had the same effect on me was lying silently in my bed, her golden hair flowing out around her.

“You know that whatever it is you need, whatever it is, I’m here for you. And if you need me to extend that same level of trust and protection to her, then I’m here for that too. I knew she was different the moment I saw you two interacting. You have never looked that way at any woman.” His eyes dance with mischief as he grins. “Well, unless you do it in the bedroom, in which case I wouldn’t fucking know.”

“Gods above,” I say, shaking my head in annoyance and breathing out a sigh of relief. “You’re right.” When his eyes widen and a choked scoff sounds, I reach over and shove his shoulder. “Idiot. I mean that you’re right about her being different.”

His gaze moving to Rhea, he says, “Tell her that, then. Tell her what’s in here.” He taps a finger over his heart, a wry grin pulling at his lips.

“That is surprisingly deep for you.”

He snorts, shrugging his shoulders while he stands up and brushes the wood shavings off of his lap, pocketing whatever he was chiseling. I watch with a frown as he slides the dagger back into its sheath at his thigh, my gaze moving from him to the now dirtied floor.

“It’s not like you have to clean it,” he remarks when he sees where my attention is. “And yes, I can be deep. In fact, I’ve heard I can go very deep.”

“Get the fuck out,” I mumble though my lips do curl up at his laugh. I walk Cassius out of the room and into the sitting area, stopping there as he continues to the door. Pausing his steps, he turns to look over his shoulder at me.

“Just talk to her, Nox. Wherever she is, wherever her mind is, she appears to be safe there. Remind her that it’s safe for her to come back here too.” His words settle some of the anxiousness in my chest though guilt still rages like a brewing thunderstorm on the horizon.

“It’s weird when you’re serious.”

He flips me his middle finger and turns to leave, shouting, “And make sure you eat something! Wouldn’t want you to lose those vanity muscles before Blondie wakes up!”

Huffing out a laugh, I walk back into the room and carefully lie on the bed next to Rhea. Her lily scent wafts towards me while I tuck an arm under my head, settling into the smallest sliver of space that I can. I study her profile as it glows in the sunlight, the rays soaking into her skin like they can’t help but be drawn to another source. If she is in competition with the sun, she is undoubtedly winning.

Cass said to tell her what’s in my heart, and that should be easy enough, as it’s entirely consumed by her. So, after fortifying myself with another breath, I let the love I feel for her pull the words from me.

“I hope you can hear me, wherever you are. Know that nothing, and no one, will get to you here. I will make sure of it.” I swallow roughly, my fingers tapping the top of the comforter. “The first time I saw you, something deep within me seemed to recognize you. I know that sounds insane—it made me feel insane—but there was this tug in my chest that seemed tethered to you. And I couldn’t stay away. I found every excuse I could to be near you, even at the beginning when you wouldn’t open the door. I could still feel you. I felt you on the bridge in front of the tower. Your magic was a pulse that beat in time with my own heart. I started to feel you in the guards’ barracks all the way on the other side of the damn castle. There was nowhere I could go without there being an overwhelming sense of you. ”

I could never forget those initial few weeks, when silent games turned into passing notes and I got to see the first glimpse of her personality. Then, when my visits became more frequent, I loved the way her face would light up every time I stepped through the door to her tower. Like I wasn’t the only one counting down the minutes until we could be together again.

“I remember the moment I realized I was falling in love with you,” I say thickly. “We were sitting in the library, taking turns reading from that filthy romance book. I wondered if maybe you had chosen it with the hopes of making me read the more dirty scenes, so you can only imagine my fucking delight when it turned out that you were the one who had to.” My smile widens as I recall the way she used the book to shield herself, her voice wavering as the story progressed. “If I’m being honest, it wasn’t the words you were reading or the image they were painting that had me clutching on to that bench for dear life. It was the fearless way you read them. It wasn’t lost on me that you had never done that with anyone before, and yet there you were, reading those words out loud with me . Then you had the courage to ask me if I was with anyone else. It was ludicrous to me then, because anyone who is lucky enough to spend even ten minutes with you would forget all others.”

I allow myself to reach out and play with the ends of her hair, twisting the soft strands between my fingers.

“You infiltrated every thought. Your face was all I could picture, both awake and in my dreams. It still is. I should have told you everything that night at the inn. I wish I had because knowing that I hurt you fucking kills me. You deserve so much better than that, Rhea, so much more than what I did.”

I pause to take a breath, to push away the emotion welling in my eyes that I don’t deserve to have there, when I see her hand twitch.

“Rhea? Can you hear me?” I hold my breath, waiting for her to respond or to move her fingers again. Maybe I was just imagining it. Maybe—

Her magic begins to swell, its presence pushing on me. Her magical signature is unique, different depending on which power she is calling up. The healing, luminescent magic feels warm and alluring, as strong as the sun itself. I get the distinct feeling that it yearns to be used while her other magic, the one that makes her eyes flash black and creates those glittering shadows… That one has an eagerness to it that makes my stomach churn with unease. Like it’s using her. And that is the magic that is currently pulsing in waves around her. Panic rises within me as that otherness floods in, its darkness a presence that robs me of my breath.

“Sunshine, if you can hear me, you’re okay. I’m here with you.”

I don’t know if I am trying to reassure her or myself. My magic rises in response as it recognizes her power. Kneeling and gently cupping her face, I jolt in surprise when Rhea’s skin turns icy right beneath my fingertips.

“Rhea?”

Her eyes jerk side to side under her closed lids, her body stiffening as her magic pulses steadily. I grit my teeth, my hands flying from her face as a strong surge of her magic nearly throws me off the bed. Pressure builds beneath my skin, the urge to shield myself fed by my own power. The air feels thick with static electricity, like the moment before a lightning bolt strikes. Rhea’s face contorts into a grimace as her hair begins to float around her. Terror strikes me when her back bows, her chest lifting sharply and her mouth opening in a silent scream.

I bring up my magic, a shield of the deepest purple laced with black covering me as I push against the black magic pouring from her in strengths I have never felt before. My arms strain and my hands tremble as I go back to framing her face.

“I love you. I love you,” I rasp, aching at the way my heart feels as if it’s being shredded apart. “I love you so fucking much.” I repeat the words over and over again, my voice wobbling as I all but plead with any gods listening that she hears them.

Her shadows begin to dissipate, her body straightening out and relaxing back onto the bed. I call my own magic back, watching as it lingers on the parts of her it can touch before it flows back inside me, all while my thumbs gently caress her cheeks. Wetness seeps from the corners of her eyes, the sight of tears trailing down her cheeks might as well be a dagger to my chest. Her breathing evens out, her face returning to a mask of calm.

“Please open your eyes. Please, ” I beg.

The silence settles back in, somehow more foreboding than before.

The door to the sitting room swings open, my father standing in the doorway with his chest rising and falling rapidly. “What was that?” he asks as he steps in, my mother rushing behind him and shutting the door. They take in my position on the bed, how I’m cradling Rhea’s face with my own breaths labored, before their eyes find mine. “Was it her?” my father questions again, his brows reaching towards his hairline. But I’m speechless. I can’t form words as my gaze falls back on her.

“My star, what is going on?” my mother asks softly, coming to my side.

I shake my head, my hands still trembling when I pull them away from Rhea and sit back on my heels. “I don’t know what happened. She just—” My voice falters as my mother wraps an arm around my shoulders.

“It’s alright,” she whispers, looking behind me to where my father must be standing. “We need to find a way to explain what that was.”

Terror courses through my veins as I stare at the keeper of my heart and soul and find her once again completely still.