Page 40

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Bahira

“This won’t even be fun,” a female says, unsheathing a weapon of her own— two weapons actually, the sound of metal against leather the only indication in the dark. “It’ll be over before it even starts.” Her preemptive deep breath gives her away before the whistling of a blade flying through the air makes me duck quickly. The weapon embeds into the trunk of a tree behind me with a resounding thunk , the female growling in frustration as her steps disturb the pebbles on the path.

She swings her second weapon towards me, and I slam my spear up to block her. The rain is slick against the body of my spear, the metal twisted within the cool wood against my palms. We exchange several blows, her movements agile but not lacking in strength. Dancing around her, I split my attention between the rebels, all while diverting her attempts to move me away from Kai.

“What kind of spear is that?” she asks as we separate, retreating a few steps.

“A special one.”

The gravel beneath our feet crunches to my right—making me spin and jerk my spear up to block the incoming attack from the male now at my front, bracing it with both hands and crossing it diagonally in front of me. Blood rushes in my ears and my muscles strain as I pant through clenched teeth. Lightning flares, providing a quick break in the dark as the female ambushes me from the side. With a roar, I kick my leg out as hard as I can, connecting with the center of her chest and sending her flying backward as she curses into the rain.

“The masks are really fucking creepy,” I state, squatting low and avoiding another swing of the male’s sword.

He growls beneath his mask, advancing on me again with heavy steps. His silhouette is just barely given form by the silvery moonlight, enough for me to see the outline of his movements. Adjusting my hold on my spear, I leap towards him, spinning in the air as I swing it down at him. He blocks at the last moment, metal clanging out around us against the raging storm. We continue our evenly matched sparring, the other two rebels moving in the shadows somewhere beyond us.

Brilliant light forks across the sky again, thunder rolling behind it and hiding the steps of the second male until he’s already barreling into me. I collide with the ground hard as I land on my side, grunting out in pain. My spear is knocked from my grasp when the rebel falls on top of me.

“Get the ki— ” I jerk my hips up, unseating him and forcing a stop to his command as we tumble to the side.

Once again, he ends up on top, my back sinking into the wet earth as he straddles my hips. I stare up at the sockets of the elongated skull, the shifter beneath it tilting his head to the side as he winds his arm back. My arms lift up to cradle the sides of my head just in time to block the first of the barrage of punches he unleashes, strength and gravity on his side. My heart beats heavily in my chest, the sound of the storm around me fading out to give way to the ringing in my ears as I focus on getting myself free. The first attempt to dig my heels into the ground is met with my boots slipping against the slick pebbles. The move costs me a punch to my ribs, my shout met with an answering laugh of menace.

“Not so tough now, are you?”

Behind the rebel, the sky flashes brightly again, highlighting the mud-splattered skull like some sort of grotesque art piece. I grit my teeth together, the force of it strong enough to send pain shooting to my temples, dig my heels into the ground again, forcing my hips up with a shout. The male’s eyes widen as he abandons his next hit to brace himself and keep from tipping forward. But his momentum can’t be stopped, and when he’s close enough, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him towards me. Bone hits my shoulder, my face narrowly escaping the scrape of the horns as I wrap a leg around his hip, using the other to launch us both to the side.

Rolling off the rebel and reaching for my spear, I chance a look at Kai. The shifter king is still passed out, his face thankfully turned to the side so he doesn’t drown in the downpour. Scrambling to my feet, the rain pelts my face as I wheeze through my next breath, pain radiating down my arm from my shoulder.

There is no moment of reprieve, as the larger male is once more upon me, swinging his sword low towards my side. I thrust my spear out to intercept him, the reverberation of the impact making me wince as we take turns blocking the other’s onslaught. With the chaos of the storm and the darkness cloaking the jungle between bolts of lightning, the rebel and I are more reckless in our movements. When his footing slips in the over-soaked ground—his arms instinctively stretching out to balance himself—I take advantage and jab my spear forward.

He howls, dropping his guard as the jagged edges of my weapon shred through the skin and muscle of his torso right beneath his ribcage. Holding the spear with one hand, I send a punch into his jaw, dropping him to one knee.

My head jerks abruptly to the side, my teeth knocking together as I stumble back a few steps. The ends of my ponytail plaster to my face from the impact of the surprise punch, and I’m driven backward as I retreat from the attack until my back slams against a tree trunk. Silver glints at my side in the small patch of moonlight glowing through the tree line. The angry storm bursts with lightning again, illuminating the rebel I stabbed with my spear still on the ground, clutching his side. The second male stares at me from where he punched me before spinning around and sprinting towards Kai.

“ Fuck! ” I shout, reaching with my right hand to yank the dagger that was thrown earlier from the tree. Taking a step forward, I wind my arm back and then snap it forward in the direction of the running male. His arm reaches out to Kai right as the dagger hits him, slightly off the mark from where I was aiming but still embedding into his forearm.

Kai begins to stir, his raspy groan catching the attention of both males. My temple pounds above my eye from the punch, but I force myself towards the prone king, holding my spear tightly in both hands.

The female rebel attacks from the side, her steps crashing over the pebbles giving me enough warning to spin away from the swing of her blade. My boot sinks into a muddy pool of water, momentarily holding me in place as she circles behind me.

“Gods, you’re fucking annoying,” she hisses, yanking my head back with a sharp pull on my ponytail. Her arm wraps around my neck right as I free my boot. With a growl, I kick my leg back as hard as I can, the impact of the hit rattling my body. She screams as she buckles behind me, blindly swinging her shortsword up while I force myself from her grasp. I cry out when the tip of it slices into my forearm with painful precision, the cold rain mixing with my warm blood as it trails down towards my fingers. “We should shift into our anim—”

“No! We’ll be identified!”

Kai groans again as he shakily pushes himself up to his hands and knees.

“ Fuck , he’s waking up! We need to go,” the largest rebel heaves, his breathing ragged as he cradles his side and stumbles to his feet. The female shouts out her frustration but doesn’t advance towards me again, looking to the shorter male who holds his arm to his chest.

I back up until I’m once more in front of Kai, whose head hangs between his shoulders as he sways on all fours. The scent of blood mixes with the rain as lightning continues to roll across the night sky in rapid succession. I get a better look at the masks the three are wearing. The shapes of them are long and angular, the eye sockets large enough to show not only the rebel’s eyes but the skin around them. Sticking out of the top are indeed two long horns that twist and curl in different directions.

“What the fuck,” I whisper as Kai comes to stand behind me, still very much wobbly, but his presence alone is enough to get the rebels to back up another step.

“This won’t be the last attempt. Next time, we are going to kill whoever stands in our way,” the female seethes.

“You can fucking try ,” I taunt back.

She bares her teeth at me in response, but then the male cradling his arm—the dagger still sticking out from it—grabs her shoulder and pulls her back. Blood pools at the feet of the third rebel, his gait shaky.

“You might want to get that checked out,” I say with a smile, pointing my spear at him. The rain pings off of it, washing away some of the crimson from the tip.

“I’ll kill you,” he pants, his eyes catching the silver light from above through the sockets of the skull before they all turn and hobble back into the jungle.

I keep my stance at the ready for what feels like minutes, just in case any of them decide to double back. When I’m sure they’re gone, I relax my hold on my spear and spin around to face Kai. “Are you alri—”

He steps up to me, his hand wrapping around my wrist as he lifts it up. His eyes are fully molten—the gold shining brighter and illuminating them in a way that isn’t mortal. “You’re hurt,” he rumbles as he carefully inspects the cut on my arm.

“I’m fine.” There is too much adrenaline in my body at the moment to indicate anything different.

Kai lets go of me, only to bring his hand to my neck. His fingers wrap around the side and back of it while his thumb pushes under my jaw to tilt my face up higher.

“You protected me.” He says it like an accusation.

“Yes, well…” I swallow, my heart kicking up its rhythm for an entirely different reason. “Deals were made that need to be kept.”

His fingers tighten, pressing into my skin as he pulls me closer until our chests are touching. I can’t help the way I lean in, my body curving to the contour of his. The wood and metal of my spear is a hard line between us, the bloodied tip angled only a few inches away from our faces.

“Tell me what you did to them,” he demands, low and seductive.

Desire uncoils, pulsing through me as if I’ve been struck by the very lightning flashing above. It leaves me temporarily paralyzed as I hold Kai’s stare. “I think I shattered the female’s kneecap,” I rasp.

Kai’s breathing quickens, his heartbeat a deep thrum against his chest. “What else?”

“I threw a dagger at the other, impaling it into his forearm.”

His responding growl is a vicious sound, and I should be terrified by it. My traitorous body, however, is nothing but aroused, my core slick with an unsatiated need. Kai dips his head closer to me, his inhale long and deep at the base of my neck. My pulse rages a breath beneath his mouth, while his fingers clamp down even harder. His other hand grips onto my ponytail, slowly wrapping it around his knuckles as he fists it. In one quick tug, he bares my neck completely to him. My nipples rub against the soaked fabric of my clothing, the friction made more rough against his chest. The inferno within me turns blazing when he skates his teeth slowly up the delicate skin of my neck, his groan mixing with a snarl hot against me.

“What happened with the third one? The largest of the three?”

I ache for more of his touch, for his tongue and his teeth to ravage my mouth and my body like I instinctively know he can. My brain is in overdrive as I force another swallow down and wait for him to lift his gaze back up to mine. I need to take some control back because this is too vulnerable. I am too vulnerable right now, and that thought scares me more than facing the fucking skull-wearing rebels with weapons.

Kai finally raises his head, his scent intoxicating and everywhere as his mouth hovers over mine. My voice is steady, and I subtly push my chest more into his as I practically groan, “I drove my spear into his side.”

“ Fuck ,” he growls, his gaze dipping down to my mouth as his tongue swipes over his bottom lip. “You’re a godsdamn curse .”

I get in one quick inhale before his mouth is on mine. The kiss is hot and insistent, sinfully better than I ever could have imagined. He tastes like something primal and powerful, and I suck his tongue farther into my mouth to get more of it. Kai’s grip is unforgiving, the squeeze at my neck and pull of my hair only setting me more aflame. Each drive of our tongues and clash of our teeth is a move made to take the other down, but so far, we are evenly matched. I bite down on his lower lip, the tangy taste of iron making me moan as I suck it into my mouth.

“Don’t fucking bite me unless you’re willing to let me mark you in return,” he snaps as he pulls back, though his voice lacks any sort of authority and is instead laced thickly with lust.

I free one of my hands from the hold on my spear between us and grip his chin, my nails digging in as I force him back to me. “Don’t tell me what to do,” I whisper against his lips.

His chest rumbles with the kind of noise that is a precursor to danger, a warning to all that something predatory is coming. And fuck me if I don’t want to be his prey.

Kai’s lips are warm and surprisingly soft as they press back into mine, the sensation drawing a yearning from deep within me that begs to mark them up somehow. I want to scratch and claw at him until my signature is everywhere . I squeeze my hand tighter, surely causing pain from the way my nails indent his skin, but Kai only deepens our kiss, accompanying it with another dark growl low in his throat. His body is hard against my own, his muscles perfectly carved to fit against me. My rationality is gone, and in its place—driven more wild by each flick of his tongue against my own—is a feral desire that I have never felt with anyone else before.

For all the times that we have battled back and forth for dominance with each other, when it really mattered, Kai didn’t question if I would be able to handle myself and protect him. The feelings that arise from knowing that he trusts me this way nearly take me out of the moment, but I force them away to be dealt with at another time.

I finally release his jaw, sliding my hand up to the soaked strands of his hair. Threading my fingers into it, I pull hard until he’s forced to let go of my mouth, thunder cracking in the sky above us.

“Bahira.” He rumbles my name like the curse he called me, like a poison he craves despite knowing it could destroy him.

Which is precisely how I feel. Pulling against Kai’s grip on me, I stand on my toes and drag my tongue up his throat, the flavor of salt and citrus and rain exploding over my taste buds and forcing me deeper into this haze where he is the only thing I want to lose myself in. Kai resists when I try to push his head down towards me again, his swollen lips forming a line.

“What would your boyfriend have to say about this?” he drawls, halting my movements.

Fucking Daje . I loosen my grip on the shifter king, and he follows suit, though our chests stay flush together. “He isn’t my boyfriend,” I rush out, my breaths quick as though I’ve been caught doing something wrong.

Kai lifts a brow, his eyes cooling right before me under the moonlight. “He’s definitely somebody to you.”

“My best friend,” I say simply, but that answer satisfies neither of us. Kai can sense there is more to the story, and I know that there is no explanation I’m willing to give him right now on it.

As the cool rain stings my skin and pulls me back into reality, Daje, his ultimatum, and the life waiting for me at home floods back in. I pull against Kai’s hold, his hands immediately letting me go as I take a step backward. His rigidity returns, the armor he wears in front of his kingdom going on layer by layer as he silently walks past me and down the trail back to the palace. I linger for a moment, closing my eyes and tilting my face up towards the sky before I turn and follow behind him, my words silent but my mind a ferocious discord.

I replay the moment Kai told me to grab my spear. How he didn’t look fearful at all as he collapsed to the ground. I can’t help but compare it to what Daje would have done. He would have told me to run or tried to drag me away until the poison took effect. He would have stood in front of me until he was no longer capable of standing. All of those things are admirable and heroic, but none of them are things I want— need —from a partner. I am not a princess looking for her knight in shining armor. This version of myself, the one who fought to piece herself together to be enough until I could be whole , is a warrior. A work in progress and incomplete, yes, but a warrior nonetheless. One who only wanted to be with someone if they saw that value in me as well.

My answer for Daje becomes startlingly clear. I can’t marry him, and if sacrificing his friendship is the cost of that choice, then so be it. I refuse to let the consequences of Daje’s own actions slowly tear apart everything I’ve spent my life crafting.

My inner thoughts begin to settle the farther we walk, and so too does the storm above, leaving only the glimmering stars and a mild breeze in its wake. We arrive at the palace, passing shifters that don’t hide their gawking at our disheveled appearance. Climbing the stairs, Kai stops with me in front of my door, the tension between us palpable and made thicker with actions that can’t be undone.

“Thank you for protecting me,” he says slowly, like the words are being forced from his mouth. I dip my chin but look up at him through my lashes. He studies me for another moment before something makes his expression stony once more. The transformation is unexpected and has my body bracing—though for what, I don’t know. “Everything that happened afterwards was a mistake. The ramifications of poison clouding my judgement.”

It’s hard to deny the way my heart dips, but could I expect anything else? Did I even want anything else? Anything beyond the physical attraction between us is a distraction and doomed to fail anyway.

“Of course,” I respond, my hand already reaching for the doorknob behind me. “It was a stressful moment, and we responded in kind. No need to make it a big deal.” Turning the handle, I step backwards into my room. “It won’t happen again.”

“You’re acting weird,” Jahlee says from where she is lying on her stomach on my bed, her feet moving idly behind her. The dark blue fabric of her dress flows out on either side of her, matching a similarly blue pants and top that I’m wearing.

“You don’t know me well enough to know if I am acting weird,” I reply, flipping through a mage journal while lounging in an armchair adjacent to the bed.

Jahlee had brought breakfast to me this morning—complete with her singing a song loudly enough to wake up the entire palace. We hadn’t found much of interest in the library, nothing that would possibly lead to me understanding how this blight started.

“That’s true, but I know my brother pretty well, and he was definitely acting weird this morning.” My fingers twitch on the corner of the page I’m holding between them. “And since the two of you spent yesterday together and you get defensive when I bring him up—”

“I do not get defensive when you bring him up.” I argue, turning in my chair to look at her.

Her smile is wide, disarmingly so, as she gestures with her hand out in front of her. “I just did, and you were quick to be defensive about not being defensive.”

I bite back a groan and turn back around, Jahlee’s laugh a boisterous sound that echoes off the walls. “If he is acting weird, it’s probably because he and I were attacked on the way back from Leeta last night.”

“What?” she yells, shuffling off the bed and appearing at my side with impressive speed. “You were attacked?”

I nod my head, closing the journal. It dates back to the year before the war started and is the first I’ve read that was written by one of my direct ancestors. He was close to the queen of Void Magic at the time, Lucia, and his writing of her is full of admiration.

“Tell me everything,” Jahlee says, panic lacing her tone.

I relay in detail the moment Kai was poisoned and everything that happened after. Well, almost everything. I omit the parts where I was injured, the wounds now hidden beneath my clothing, and how I wanted to shred Kai apart with my teeth and tongue. But Jahlee has an acuteness that I’ve never seen with anyone else, and after I’m done talking, she silently stares at me for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“Kai wouldn’t have been shaken up by that. He gets death threats daily and has been attacked before,” she finally says. I sit back in my chair, folding my arms over my chest to hide how uncomfortable that statement makes me. “Still, I’m glad you were there. Where did you learn to fight like that?”

“Training is accessible to everyone back home.”

Jahlee nods her head, her finger twirling in her hair. “Kai trained me how to fight growing up. We should spar together!”

“I don’t kno—”

“Come on, Bahira! Surely, you want to make my brother suffer?” she asks, leaning forward and wiggling her eyebrows at me.

“First of all, I don’t care enough about your brother to make him do anything , but second of all, why would us sparring together bother him?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be smart?” Her bluntness causes my head to jerk back. When I glare at her, she doubles over in laughter, clutching the thin fabric of her dress as she does. “You really don’t know, do you?”

“Jahlee, you’re speaking nonsense. Either clarify what you’re trying to say or get out. ”

She clasps her hands behind her as she tiptoes around the room like some kind of odd dancer. “Kai likes you.”

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “He tolerates me for the sake of our deal.” And liking someone had nothing to do with being attracted to them, which my furiously annoying body clearly indicated. She tilts her head to the side, her overtly mischievous grin making me shift in my seat. “Jahlee, I’m here to help solve the issue with the blight on shifter magic— your magic. I’m not here to play games with the king,” I assert with a hint of bitterness, one not missed by her.

She shrugs, sauntering towards the side table next to the bed where our breakfast still sits on a carved wooden tray. Popping a piece of fruit into her mouth, she turns around and folds her arms over her chest. “Then do it to help me. I could use the extra training.” When I keep my face neutral, intent on keeping our interactions to her helping with the magic blight only, she pops out her bottom lip like a petulant offspring. “Fine. Don’t help me. Hopefully, nothing will happen to me, or you will feel terrible.”

Snorting, I stand and walk over to the tray of food, grabbing a flaky pastry filled with a yellow jam. “Just shift if you’re in danger. Unless of course your animal form is less than helpful, like a worm or a lizard.”

She gasps in mock offense, her hand going to her chest. “Be careful making jokes like that. Some of the males here are very sensitive about their animals.” Her cunning smile tells me she’s absolutely made a joke like that to the wrong male before, and I don’t need the details to know that Jahlee came out on top of whatever scuffle ensued.

“What is your animal?” I ask around the final bite of my pastry.

Jahlee hums as though she doesn’t hear me, my curiosity peaking further. Two knocks sound against the door, and she darts towards it before I can even take my first step.

“Kai! What a surprise to find you here. At Bahira’s door,” she drawls, looking over her shoulder at me. My eyes narrow at her as I avoid looking at the shifter king.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“Just hanging out with Bahira. You know, lady things. ” Jahlee winks at me, the motion exaggerated and much too slow. “I’ll give you guys space to talk. See you later!” she shouts as she pats Kai’s shoulder and waltzes out of the room. He watches her walk away, a semblance of a smile on his lips before it falls when he turns to look at me.

“Your Majesty,” I say, dipping my chin and rolling my shoulders back.

“Princess,” he replies quietly, eyes boring into my own.

We remain like statues in a garden, unmoving as the sunlight streams between us. Is the memory of our kiss and the frenzy it created plaguing his mind like it does mine? Did he spend the night having to find release by his hand at all, or was that a shame only I carried? Kai is the first to break the spell, opening his mouth like he’s going to say something only to give his head a small shake before turning to walk away.

“Why did you come here?” I yell out for him, receiving silence in return.

If there are gods watching over us, then I must have done something to offend them. Because not having magic is torture, but finding myself drawn to Kai? Wanting him so fiercely? That is a purgatory I’m not sure even I deserve.