Page 81 of Cream & Sugar

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

My thoughts race back to this morning, the opening moments of what was turning out to be one of the best days of my life, now crashing and burning around me. Surely I didn’t forget to lock up! I couldn’t have… I wouldn’t have… I…

All feeling disappears from my legs.

I did. Oh fuck, I actually did.

“Fuck! Rory, I… I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe it!”

“Really?” Rory draws himself up to full height. “Because I can.”

“Huh?”

The dam bursts as, finally, Rory starts yelling. “I believe you could be that fucking irresponsible!”

Every word is like a battering ram against my sternum. I fight to keep a level head.

“It was an accident, Rory. I swear! Just one of those dumb, fucking stupid mistakes—”

“A mistake? No, Freddie. A mistake would be putting detergent in the wrong slot in the washing machine. Forgetting to put the bins out—that’sa mistake.Thisis a total fucking disaster. Do you know how much it’s going to cost me to replace all this?” Not wanting to hazard a guess, I shake my head. Rory scoffs. “I’ll rephrase: do you know how much it’s going to costyou?”

“Me?” I sound more mouse than man.

A vicious flash in Rory’s eyes. “Yes, you. I think fifteen grand should cover it.”

The world tilts on its axis.

“Fifteen?”

“The TV alone was seven.”

My face goes slack, like my skin is hot wax melting off my skull.

“Rory, come on! I can’t afford that, you know I can’t—”

“Tough shit. You’re going to pay me back every penny, even if it takes the rest of your life!”

I’ve only been seasick once before. I was nine and Mum took us on a boat ride up the coast. We’d hardly left the bay when I started puking over the side, every sense screaming at me to get back to dry land. This feels like that, except there’s no water and no boat, just pure nausea. I stare pleadingly at my brother, searching his eyes for a hint of mercy, and finding none. Not a scrap.

Too stunned to speak, I watch as Rory pulls out his phone and does some quick maths.

“Right. A hundred quid a week and you’ll be debt-free in three years.”

“A hundred aweek?”

“On top of your usual rent, of course.”

Tears fill my eyes as the weight of it all comes crashing down.

“That’s almost all my wages!”

“Sounds about right then.” A pained smirk twists Rory’s mouth. I know he’s not enjoying this, but he’s hiding it very well. “Oh, and it goes without saying but, miss a payment? You’re out. Do anything like this again? You’re gone. I’m done, Freddie. I’m done living in the fallout of your bullshit. So that’s it. No more.”

There’s no stopping the tears now. They cascade down my face in hot rivulets. It hurts because he’s right. What is wrong with me? Can I really not do anything around here without screwing it up?

“Rory, I—” I start, but Rory turns his back and storms past me, shutting himself in his bedroom with a slam of the door.

Conversation over.