Page 54 of Cream & Sugar

Ugh.

“Sure,” I sigh, fighting a strong urge to throw a canister of skooshy cream at her head, if only to knock some sense into her. Can’t she see she’s dating a jerk?

“You’re a doll,” Lara passes me the sparkliest phone I’ve ever seen. “So silly, but the two of us actually have a bit of a following and we like to keep them updated. We’re going skiing!”

“Awesome,” I say in a monotone.

Bigvig comes over and manoeuvres Lara so they’re standing against the counter, putting Shaun in full view behind them. Clearly a stalemate isn’t enough for this guy, he wants to humiliate Shaun even further by featuring him as a background extra in his romantic photo. I’m so over this prick.

I hold up the phone as Lara and Bigvig pose like the bimbos they are.

“Gorgeous,” I say as I flip to the front-view camera and take a selfie. “One more?”

They work their way through a repertoire of poses while I fill Lara’s phone with forty-three pictures of my face. In the meantime, Shaun retreats into the kitchen and out of sight.

“Wow!Stunning,” I say as I close the photo app and hand Lara’s phone back to her.

“Oh, stop it,” says Lara, beaming. “You’re good-looking yourself, Frankie. Have you considered modelling?”

Bigvig puts his arm around Lara’s shoulder and plants an “I want to go now” kiss atop her head.

“Not my thing,” I say. “I prefer the stage.”

“Oh? You’re an actor?”

“Singer.”

Lara sucks her teeth. “Aww. Seriously though, you should think about the modelling thing. I know an agent or two wholovethe alternative look you’ve got going on. So late-noughties! Hit me up on Insta if you change your mind. My handle’s—”

“Larabanana?”

Fuck.

I say it without thinking. Both of their eyebrows lift an inch.

“How did you know?” Lara asks as Bigvig’s eyes narrow with suspicion.

“There were loads of notifications popping up when I was taking your picture,” I say, amazed at the completely plausible bullshit tumbling out of my mouth. “You must be pretty popular!”

Lara blushes. Contrary to popular belief, flattery won’t get you everywhere, but with up-and-coming influencers, it’ll get you pretty far.

“Ohduh, of course! Silly me.”

Bigvig’s practically pulling her out the door now. “Come on, babe. I wanna hit that fresh powder before the crowds show up.”

He clearly hasn’t read the Rough Guide. This is Scotland. Snow on the mountains we might have, but fresh powder? It’s far too fucking damp. Twat.

“Nice to meet you, Frankie.” Lara leans around me and calls, “Bye Shauny!”

Shaun emerges from the back. “Goodbye Lara.”

Lara takes her boyfriend’s hand and the two of them swan out of the café, leaving Shaun and I alone in silence. A few moments pass before I ask if he’s alright.

“I’m fine. Thanks.” He clears his throat and gives me a gentle smile. “As I’m sure you’ve guessed, I wasn’t expecting those particular visitors.”

“No? You hid itreallywell.” I give him a wink, earning a small chuckle. I’m about to ask if he needs anything when a yawn the size of the Grand Canyon racks my body, and I cover my mouth to stop the whole town getting sucked in. “Sorry. I’ll wake up soon, I promise.”

Shaun studies me, curiously. “Freddie, can I ask you a blunt question?”