Page 71 of Cream & Sugar

Her mind apparently made up, Milena places Ethan’s toys on a nearby chair. Anna shakes her head.

“Freddie is new. I can’t leave him to serve everyone on his own.”

Milena rounds on me. “Well, are you good with children, Freddie?”

“Sure!” I say. “Used to be one myself.” To his credit, Ethan giggles, but he’s the only one who does.

With the force of a sonic boom, Milena claps her hands together.

“Well then, it’s settled. He will look after Ethan. You will make coffees and give yourself more blisters and grind your hips into dust and, one day, when you are old and in pain, I hope you have someone to takeyouto the hospital because I won’t be around to do it.”

Milena’s already backing away.

“Matka!” Anna shouts, but Milena turns heel and practically bolts for the door.

As Anna’s mother exits the building, a cluster of people file in after her, gathering around the “please wait to be seated” sign.

Ethan sniffs. “Mama, I want to play race cars with Feddie.”

The door jingles again and a few more people join the back of the queue.

Anna’s eyes dart from me, to the growing crowd of impatient customers, to her son who looks dangerously close to throwing an absolute shitfit if he doesn’t get what he wants.

Without speaking, I can tell Anna and I are thinking the same thing: there’s only one way to satiate both the horde and the child. She looks at me, desperation in her eyes.

“Freddie, would you mind—?”

“Sure,” I say, sweeping around from behind the counter. Guess it’s time to find out if I actually am any good with kids. “Hey Ethan, want to come over here and show me your race car?”

Anna mouths a quick “thank you” before dashing off to greet the customers, leaving me with Ethan and his pile of toys.

“Where’s Mama going?” he asks.

“Not far,” I crouch down to his level and tilt my head towards the door. “See all those people over there? Well, they’re actually a horde of evil zombies and your mum’s gone to make sure they don’t eat our brains.”

Ethan’s eyes are as wide as dinner plates.

“How?” he gasps.

“By feeding them cake instead! See, zombies love cake, but they like to keep that on the downlow so they seem more scary to us humans. Just don’t tell anyone, or they’ll find out we know their secret!”

Ethan giggles. “What if they wantbrain-flavour cake?”

“Then I’m sure your mama’s clever enough to make them one.” I hold out my hand. “Wanna sit over there and you can show me your toys?”

“Yeah!” He takes my hand. “I like you, Feddie.”

I dunno why people make such a fuss about parenting. This shit is a piece of piss.

Scooping up Ethan’s toys with my free hand, I guide him over to a table in the corner, a safe distance from the “zombies.” He offers to show me his remote-control car, which I’m all for, until he sends it whizzing across the café like a missile. Before I can stop it, the car collides with the coat rack which Anna has to catch mid-fall on her way to make the first round of coffees. Ethan roars with laughter as I quickly reverse the car back to our table and switch it off, avoiding Anna’s eye.

I point at the toy keyboard instead. “You like music, Ethan?”

“Yeah. It’s good.”

I turn on the keyboard, lowering the volume until it’s only audible to us. “Wanna learn a song?”

Ethan’s eyes light up. “Okay!”