Page 20 of Cream & Sugar

“Would you like a receipt?” I ask, prompted by the machine.

Grumpy looks like I’ve just shat in her Alpen.

“Absolutely not. Think of theenvironment—”

“We can email you one, if you like?” Shaun appears by my side, holding a steaming takeaway cup. “Oat milk latte with sugar free hazelnut?”

Grumpy glares daggers at him.

“Yes, but I want it in a mug. I’m sitting in, like I told gormless here.”

Gormless? She said no such thing! I’m about to object but Shaun cuts across me: “Actually, you didn’t, but you’ll have it to take away. We don’t tolerate rudeness, and I don’t like the way you spoke to my colleague here.”

Grumpy puts her hands on her hips like a stroppy child. “Get me your manager.”

“I’m the owner,” Shaun places her coffee on the counter. “Have a nice day.”

A palpable silence fills the air. I feel like I’m watching a showdown in the Wild West. Grumpy’s outgunned. She has two choices: stand down or continue to fight a losing battle.

“Shocking service!” She snatches her coffee and backs towards the door, fizzing with anger. “How do you expect to run a business like this? Peoplelistento me in this town, you know! Just wait until I tell all my friends about this.”

“Go for it,” says Shaun, calmly. “You can tell all two of them they aren’t welcome here either.”

Holy shit. Forget pistols at dawn, Shaun just dropped a nuke on the enemy command centre. I can’t believe he’s speaking to a customer like this just because she was a bit of a dick! Grumpy’s in shock, her mouth opening and closing over and over again like a lobotomized trout. The longer it goes on, the more embarrassing it is that she can’t think of a decent comeback.

After a few more delicious seconds, she turns heel and storms out the door, taking care to slam it behind her. As she does, a dollop of wet snow slides off the roof and onto her head. For a moment Ithink she’s going to come back and complain about that too, but instead she scampers off down the road in defeat.

Ooft.

Gormless: one. Grumpy: zero.

Shaun claps his hands together, as though dusting flour off them. “Okay, so she was an extremely unlucky first customer to get. Some people don’t want to chat in the mornings, but that’s no excuse for being rude and you handled it really well. Sorry. I promise they’re not all like that.”

I blink at him, bewildered. “You told her not to come back?”

“Yes,” he says, matter-of-factly. “No one who behaves like that is welcome in my café. I want this to be a nice place. Hashtag no bad vibes, as the kids say.”

Immediately after saying it, Shaun’s cheeks turn pink. Adorable.

One thing is bugging me though. “If you didn’t want her in here, why did you make her coffee?”

Shaun gives a sheepish grin. “Because when she drinks it, she’ll know what she’ll be missing out on.”

My mouth falls open. “Seriously?”

“Well, no. Honestly, you were already putting through her payment so I didn’t have much choice. I’m impressed, by the way. I didn’t even show you how to do all of that. But a small part of me hopes she’ll come crawling back with her tail between her legs because she can’t stand to not have my coffee in her life. Hasn’t happened yet, but you never know.”

I can’t help but laugh. “It was pretty epic. She looked like she was going to shit herself.”

Shaun raises an eyebrow and I remember where I am.

“Ahem. Sorry, boss.Poopherself.”

Shaun raises the other eyebrow.

“Sorry,Shaun,”I correct myself.

“That’s better,” Shaun grins, a warm smile that reaches his eyes, “and you can say ‘shit’, just not when customers are around.”