Page 63 of Count the Cost (The Secrets of Elizabeth Bennet #2)

E lizabeth had borrowed her uncle’s heavy coach for the journey, and she had relaxed into the luxurious cushions with relief.

She had taken a few moments to consider whether she ought to commission her own carriage.

She would not need one so large as this, but for Charlotte and herself, with Mrs. Bailey, a smaller one would do.

But she had dismissed the idea. A closed-top carriage would be unreasonably costly, especially with the comforts she wanted, and it was foolish to waste her capital on it when she had a better use for the money.

The chaise she had purchased was all they needed, and in warm weather, they could have the roof lowered as well.

But, despite attempting to keep her thoughts on her business and then her new household, she could not but replay again in her mind, as she had so often these last weeks, the acute memory of Mr. Darcy’s face as he had confronted her in the morning room that day.

She had responded so thoughtlessly to his declaration of his love for her. She had never considered that a man — this man — would fall in love once he knew she was not looking for a husband.

But merely saying that did not excuse her from hurting others; she knew that now. And that she had hurt him deeply, and loathed herself for it.

Each day she had tried to push the thoughts aside, as she did any business idea that had not worked, so she could move on to something new.

Even her business could not hold her attention, and she was grateful for Mr. Reed’s attention in sourcing new products for her. But the expansion of new lines into associated items had been beyond her.

But now she was on her way to Longbourn to spend a few days with Jane before her marriage to Mr. Bingley and Elizabeth must cast off her unhappiness to be what Jane wanted her to be.

Charlotte would be accompanied by Mrs. Bailey and travel from London with Aunt and Uncle for the wedding itself, and then the whole group would journey back together after a few days.

Elizabeth did not know whether she was looking forward to her visit, or dreading it. One thing she was fairly certain of, Mr. Darcy would have declined Mr. Bingley’s wish for him to stand up with him and Mr. Hurst would perform that office. Mr. Darcy would not wish to set eyes on her again.

She blinked away the tears that seemed to begin without volition these last weeks.

Had she, with her careless disregard of the gentleman’s feelings, lost any chance of the happiness she saw between her aunt and uncle, and between Jane and Mr. Bingley?

She had been so certain that he would despise her if he knew her secret.

Longbourn was busy and noisy and full of people.

It had always been like this, but Elizabeth had become used to a more peaceful life and was breathless with the change.

She was introduced to the new governess, a Mrs. Everett, liking her immediately, and especially liking the improved manners of her youngest sisters.

But even now, Lydia could not repress her feelings. “Oh, Lizzy, Jane says you gifted her the beautiful ribbon for her gown. I must have one the same, I must!”

Elizabeth laughed affectionately at her sister.

Lydia had no idea that she had gifted Jane her gown in its entirety.

“Lyddie, dearest, that ribbon was hand-embroidered. There is not another like it in all the world, and Jane will keep it in her memory box. But, if you behave really well at the wedding, I will commission one each for you and Kitty, each of them designed to your colour and embroidery choice.”

Kitty’s eyes rounded. “Are you very rich, Lizzy? I didn’t think you had much money.”

Elizabeth leaned forward and took her sister’s hand. “Thank you for being concerned, Kitty. As you know, I have always liked to save my pin money, and now I have enough to pay for you to have those ribbons.” She looked firmly at Lydia. “But only if you both behave well.”

It seemed like old times as she leaned against Jane’s bedpost, watching her sister prepare for the night. “Are you nervous, Jane?”

“Not at all,” her sister smiled serenely. “Now that I know Mr. Bingley will not allow his sisters to live with us once we are married, I am quite at ease about our lives together.” She put her brush down, and swung round on her chair.

“Oh, Lizzy, I wish you could know the joy I feel. I would wish so much that you would find the perfect man for you and know the happiness that I do.”

Elizabeth smiled as sincerely as she could, not wishing Jane to know of her inner turmoil. “You know I always said I was too independent-minded to marry.”

“I know, but that cannot be true. Do you not want to have a family of your own?” She looked anxious.

“I know you and Charlotte are living in a house by yourselves, and that you have been good with money and saving it; but how are you living? It cannot be much.” She reached out for Elizabeth’s hand.

“Dearest sister, I have spoken to Charles and you would be very welcome to live with us after we are married and then you could meet someone and be as happy as I am!”

Elizabeth bent forward and kissed Jane’s forehead. “You know very well that you and I are very different. I am happy with my choices for now, Jane. But I promise you that if I change my mind, you will be the first person to know, and I am very grateful and honoured by your offer.”

And now it was time. Elizabeth assisted Jane, with Mama’s constant interruptions, to prepare for the most momentous day of her life.

She had gifted Jane a gown in the palest blue silk, with little accents of periwinkle blue.

The ribbons that accented her figure were the glossiest periwinkle blue matching the exact shade of her eyes, and heavily embroidered in blooms of the deepest cobalt blue.

The same ribbon adorned her modest cap, along with white cherry blossom, the only suitably coloured flowers available at this time of year.

Then Elizabeth hurried to change into her own gown, glad she had persuaded Jane to dress this way so she could too, without outshining her.

Both ladies descended the stairs to oohs and ahhs of appreciation.

Papa stepped forward and took Jane’s hand.

“Mr. Bingley will be the envy of everyone who sees you, my dear. You are beautiful. I shall miss you.” He kissed her forehead, and turned to Lizzy.

“You, too, will attract much attention with your beauty, too.”

The rest of the family departed for the church, leaving the two oldest sisters with their father, who then travelled together in Mr. Bingley’s chaise, to arrive when all others were settled.

At the church, Elizabeth squeezed Jane’s hand. “I am glad to be here with you, as you begin the next adventure in life,” she murmured, and took her place behind Jane who took Papa’s arm. He looked as proud as she had ever seen him; and so he should. Jane was very beautiful.

They processed in as the congregation went silent. Elizabeth was as proud of her sister as she had been of anything in her life so far.

And then she saw him . Mr. Darcy was standing at the front of the chancel beside Mr. Bingley, who looked pale but determined, although Elizabeth could not spare him more than an instant of her attention.

Mr. Darcy was standing ramrod straight, his eyes empty. He was thinner, much thinner, and his complexion was almost grey. Yet he was as immaculately turned out as ever for his friend.

She could not tear her gaze away from his. His pain was evident, and she felt herself hesitate with a sudden longing to comfort him. But she was here for Jane. Only Jane. It took all her determination, but she looked away, and forced herself to process slowly behind her sister.