Page 152 of Confessions

Carlie glanced at Ben and noticed that the fun-loving glint in his eyes had disappeared. His mouth curved into a frown and he shoved an impatient hand through his hair.

“Tracy Niday,” Carlie guessed.

“Damn.”

A deafening roar seemed to fill her ears. “You’re... seeing her?” All Carlie’s dreams shattered in that second when she saw the answer in his eyes. Her heart cracked. Good Lord, what had she expected? That he was in love with her? That because they’d made love, he wasn’t involved with anyone else? Her world tilting wildly, she set her empty coffee cup on a table and stood. “I...I think I’d better go,” she whispered, hearing her voice as if from a distance. Bitter disappointment flooded through her.

Strong fingers clamped around her wrist. “Let me explain.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Of course I do.” He pulled her down to sit next to him. “I’m not dating Tracy, if that’s what you’re thinking. I only saw her a couple of times.”

Oh, Lord!

“She waited on me when I had lunch at the Buckeye and then she invited me over to dinner. That was a couple of weeks ago.”

“And you haven’t seen her since?”

He rubbed his jaw, as if guilt were eating him up. “No,” he admitted, “but I plan to.” He looked at her and must have seen the disappointment in her eyes. “For Randy. Kevin’s boy. He...uh...he needs a man. You know, to toss a football, to talk about baseball with, to fix his bike, to—”

“To be a father,” she said and hated the dead sound in her voice. Randy is Ben’s nephew. The poor kid doesn’t have a dad. He just needs a man. But, why, oh, why does Tracy have to enter into it? She hated her jealousy. It made her feel so small. Tracy was a struggling single mother, for crying out loud, and yet Carlie felt this overwhelming need to hold on to Ben with all her might—to possess him! But he wasn’t a man who could be possessed. That’s why she loved him. Oh, God, she’d never admitted that horrible fact to herself before!

“I’m not Randy’s father,” Ben said as his gaze searched her face.

“But Kevin was,” Carlie whispered and everything became clear to her. She could never have Ben, not while Tracy was interested in him. Maybe Tracy only wanted to see him for the boy’s sake, but Carlie had a gut instinct, feminine intuition, that Tracy wanted Ben for herself. Carlie couldn’t blame her for that. Didn’t she feel the same?

“Yes, Kevin was.”

“So you need to see him.”

“I think so,” he admitted, still scowling into the fire.

Carlie didn’t have the heart to tell him to stay away from his nephew. She didn’t doubt that the boy needed a father figure in his life and Ben was the most likely choice. She saw Ben as Tracy saw him: strong, good-looking, responsible and sexy. Fresh out of the army, starting a new business and a new life, he’d be the perfect catch.

Carlie’s heart squeezed. “Look,” she said, suddenly yanking her hand away from him as she scrambled to her feet, “I really have to go.”

“You’re angry.”

“Just confused.”

He stood and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, as if afraid she might disappear. “I don’t feel anything for Tracy, you know that. She just happens to be Randy’s mother.”

Her voice failed her for a moment and tears burned at the back of her eyes. “I understand,” she whispered, though her voice threatened to crack.

“Do you?”

“Mmm. We’re not teenagers any longer. A lot has happened. I have to share you.”

He held her at arm’s length and shook his head. “No way,” he said before dragging her close again and kissing her long and hard. Tears, unbidden, streamed from Carlie’s eyes. He didn’t understand—not the way she did. He was naive enough to think that they could still be lovers while he had dinner at Tracy’s and played ball with her son. Thoughts she’d never before experienced raced through her mind and she felt guilty for her need to have him to herself. She had to let Ben go. Kevin’s boy needed him. Probably more than Carlie did.

Slowly she disentangled herself and started for the door before she heard the jangle of his keys. “I’ll drive you,” he said, “unless you were planning on hitchhiking back to town.”

She managed a short, bittersweet laugh and Ben whistled to the dog. Attila raced to the door and as it was open, bounded outside to leap at the sides of the cab.

“He’s crazy about taking a drive,” Ben explained. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“Never,” Carlie replied, hoping that her broken heart didn’t show in her eyes. She scratched the dog behind his ears and held open the door for him. Attila wanted the window seat so he could stick his head through the opening and Carlie ended up pressed tightly against Ben. She stared through the windshield and felt cold inside though the sun was shining brightly enough for Ben to reach in the glove compartment for his dark glasses.