Page 130 of Confessions

“I don’t know what you’re getting at, Ben.”

“I know about the baby.”

Her heart stopped suddenly and she hardly dared breathe. “What baby?”

“The baby you wouldn’t have. Kevin’s baby.”

“Kevin’s baby? What are you talking about? I never had a baby....” Her voice failed her as her heart tightened in painful knots.

“Because you wouldn’t,” he snarled in disgust. The look he sent her was pure hatred.

“Oh, Ben, if you only knew.”

“I do know. You were too selfish—”

“Hey wait a minute!” She shoved hard on his chest. “You don’t know me, Ben Powell! Not at all. You didn’t stick around long enough to find out, did you?”

“I know you wanted to get rid of the baby.”

“I didn’t want to get rid of any baby,” she said, her throat closing as she shook her head in misery. Anger rushed through her veins. “You’ve got everything all twisted around. You think I was pregnant with Kevin’s child and...and that I had an abortion?”

Horrified at his accusations, she watched the play of emotions contort his face. He was serious! He really believed this insane bunch of lies. He didn’t say a word, but condemnation sizzled in his gaze and she died a little inside. If only she could reach out, touch his hand, explain...but the censure on his face was devastating.

Her knees nearly gave way when she thought of all the wasted years. All the lies. All the pain. Leaning against the wall for support, she shook her head. “I didn’t...I never...Kevin and I...we didn’t ever get that far.”

“Don’t lie to me, Carlie. It’s too late.”

“You should know better, Ben,” she said, fury taking hold of her tongue again. Eyes shimmering with unshed tears, she inched her chin up a notch and pinned him with her furious gaze. “You are the one man who should know the truth!” Her heart shredded a little. It wasn’t Kevin’s baby she’d wanted all those years ago, it was Ben’s. She’d hoped for a miracle, that though they’d made love only one night, that she would become pregnant. At the time, she’d wanted desperately to bear his child, and she’d been ecstatic when she’d skipped her period. But her euphoria had been short-lived. Though she’d taken an in-home pregnancy test that had showed positive, within weeks, she’d miscarried. Alone. The doctor had kept her secret and she’d never felt more miserable in her life.

A tear drizzled down her cheek, but she sniffed hard before any other traces of her regret tracked from her eyes. “Don’t you remember?” she demanded, pride stiffening her spine. “I couldn’t have been pregnant, Ben, because when I was seeing Kevin, I was still a virgin.”

He had been reaching for his toolbox, but he froze.

“That night on the lake. In the rain? That’s the night I lost my virginity, Ben!” she said, wounded and furious all in one instant. “And I didn’t give it to Kevin. I gave it to his brother.” And I got pregnant. With your baby. Our baby!

He stared at her in disbelief and she shook her head. “I don’t know why you want to believe this ridiculous story—”

His face drained of color. “You were a—”

“Too bad you weren’t paying attention,” she said bitterly. “You could have saved yourself a whole lot of time and trouble hating me for something that was so obviously a lie!”

“I don’t believe—”

“I don’t care what you believe,” she said in righteous fury. “You can think what you want! But the truth of the matter is that I gave my virginity to you, Ben, and if I’d been lucky enough to get pregnant it would have been with your child!” It had been with your child!

“But—”

“Kevin never touched me!”

His jaw clamped tightly together.

“I can’t believe that you let some lie and your own guilt twist things around so that you hated me for all these years. Why didn’t you come to me, Ben? Why didn’t you let me explain rather than set yourself up as judge and jury?” Trembling inside, she motioned to the door. “You’ve always been wrong about me. You were wrong then and you’re wrong now. I think you’d better go,” she said firmly. “This is my place—my private place—and I don’t want you here.”

“I don’t believe you.”

She smiled bitterly. “Then you’re a fool.”

His lips curled and she thought he might grab her and shake her, but he muttered something under his breath, snapped his jaw shut, grabbed his toolbox and strode past. The door slammed behind him with a bang that rattled the old timbers of the house and caused the suspended light fixture to swing from the ceiling.