Page 136 of Confessions

“No way.” Shaking her head in disgust, she unlocked the front door. “Sometimes, Ben, I don’t understand you. Come in. I think we need to talk. But first things first. Bring in those other bags, will ya?” She tossed him her keys and he found two suitcases in the backseat. “Hayden will park it in the garage later—there’s some stuff he’s got to move around in there—things left over from the wedding.”

Ben grabbed the other two bags, locked the sleek car and walked back into the house. The Christmas tree was still standing in the corner but some of the lights had been stripped from the stairs and all the flowers had begun to wilt.

Nadine sighed loudly as she walked to the den, dropped her large case and kicked off her shoes. “Oooh, that’s better. I’ve been dragging my latest inventory all over the place. Heather Brooks hooked me up with some art dealers who are expanding into jewelry and jackets, you know...‘wearable art.’ Now I’m afraid I’m going to end up with more orders than I can fill.” She led him into the kitchen where she opened the refrigerator door and peered at the contents. “How about some sparkling apple juice?”

“I don’t think so,” he said with more than a trace of sarcasm.

“Might brighten your mood.”

“I doubt it.”

“A cola?” She didn’t bother waiting for an answer, just grabbed two cans and handed him one. As she sat in one of the kitchen chairs and popped the lid, she rested her heel on one of the empty chairs and said, “Now let’s start over. You thought Carlie was pregnant—by Kevin, right?”

Was she deaf? “We already discussed this.”

“But why, Ben?”

“Because of the letters.”

“The letters?” she repeated, then caught on. “Oh, we’re talking about the letters you found in Kevin’s bedroom, right?”

“Yep.” He didn’t like talking about the subject, but knew there was no other way to get to the truth. Ben had been seated in his pickup, waiting for Nadine, brooding about Carlie for over an hour, wondering what was truth and what was fiction.

“Are you serious?” She actually had the gall to laugh.

“This isn’t a joke.”

“Yes, it is!” Rolling her eyes, she took a long swallow of her drink. “You really thought—”

“Yes, I did. Now what’s so damned funny?”

“It’s pathetic really.” Her green eyes turned sober. “I think you read too much between the lines.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, surprised at the hope leaping in his heart.

She massaged her foot as she shook her head. “I read those letters and yes, Kevin was in love with Carlie—that much was obvious. He was really hurt that she was seeing you and he felt betrayed by both of you.”

The old pain knotted Ben’s stomach, but he’d expected as much. Nadine never pulled any punches. You asked her a question, she gave you a straight answer.

She was still talking. “...but the pregnancy he wrote about had to have been Tracy’s.” Nadine reached across the table and touched the back of Ben’s hand. “Don’t you remember? Tracy was pregnant. Not Carlie. And the abortion you read about was just hopeful thinking on Kevin’s part,” she said with a twist of the lips. “He didn’t want the baby. We’re talking about Randy, you know. It took a lot of guts for Tracy to have that baby and raise him on her own. Kevin was dead and the tongues in this town were wagging like crazy. But she did and Randy’s a super kid. In fact,” she said wryly, “with his grades and all, he certainly shows mine up, not that I’d change anything about John and Bobby. My boys are just more...trouble.”

“Like their mother,” Ben said, though he didn’t feel much like joking. Had he been so blind? For all these years. “Those letters were addressed to Carlie.”

“But never mailed. They were just a way for Kevin to let off steam, or maybe someday he would have had the nerve to send them to her, I don’t know, but you turned everything around in your head.” She took a long swallow of her soda and settled back in her chair.

Was that possible? Had he been so much a fool? So quick to judge? Blaming Carlie for something that wasn’t her fault? He lapsed into dark silence and his thoughts were like demons in his head, poking and prodding with painful memories.

“Look, it was a rough time for all of us,” she said, “but if you’ve been hating Carlie because of those letters, you’d better let it go. It’s just not fair.”

“That’s what she said,” he admitted, remembering her fury.

“Oh.” Nadine’s breath whistled through her teeth. “You didn’t go charging over there half-cocked and accuse her of all sorts of vile deeds, did you?” When he didn’t answer she rolled her eyes again. “Oh, Ben, why? I wanted to blame her, too. She was an easy target, but the fact of the matter is, Kevin took his own life. It’s a damned shame. God, I still miss him. But that’s what happened.”

At that moment Hayden and the boys arrived home. The back door banged open and two dogs, muddy feet and all, bounded into the kitchen in a swirl of rain-dampened air.

“Hershel—Leo—out!” Nadine commanded, but the animals paid no heed. They raced through the kitchen and down the hallway leading to the foyer. “That’s what I like about this place, the way I have absolute control,” she muttered under her breath.

John and Bobby barreled in through the back door. They were hurling insults at each other at the top of their lungs.