Page 94 of Choosing Hope

My hand floats onto her thigh, needing to ground her, pull her back to me.

“If she’s so addictive, can you give her up?”

“Absolutely. I told you last night I didn’t want her touching me—I enjoyed watching her. I’ve only touched her sexually a handful of times in four months. I used her as a diversion, nothing more. Please, don’t elevate her in your mind.”

She nods, but her facial expression stays serious.

I’m tempted to look away, but don’t, somehow retaining eye contact. I wait for her to continue, unsure what else to add. Her resistance is understandable, she needs to learn to trust me again, but only time will show her that she can.

“My concern moving forward is that you can find happiness again. Are you confident that with Carlo and me in your life we would be enough, or will your need for Kalie, or some other woman continue?”

“Yes,” I state without hesitation. “My answer to this will not change simply because you’ve phrased it differently.”

My arms circle her, needing us to be closer.

“Carlo and I need to sort through some stuff, I think we’ll find our way. Though, whatever happens, my life will never be happy without you and Lily.”

A faint smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, it’s the first sign that I’m getting through to her, and the relief allows my mind to wander.

“When I described how we met to Dr. Klein, she told me it was the first time since I’d entered the room that I smiled.”

She buries her face against my neck and groans.

“Oh no, you told her about our professor telling me off for wearing sunglasses in lectures, didn’t you?” She peers up at me and must catch sight of my grin. “Ugh, Spencer. Why do you have to tell everyone about the most embarrassing event of my life? I was so out of it that day. I hope I never have to meet your doctor.”

I laugh and notice her smile briefly, but then her expression changes.

My chest hitches, unable to read her and uncertain where she’s going to take the conversation next.

“As long as you’re honest with me, you won’t have to live without Lily and I,” she says, while stroking my cheek softly. “And, if you fancy sharing the odd detail about your nights with Carlo...I reckon I could handle that.”

The cheeky lift of her shoulder breaks the tension in an instant. That’s what she does—she saves me, even when it should be me saving her.

My lips ache to touch hers.

“You can kiss me, Spencer,” she murmurs. “I’m yours. I’m only asking that you be mine too.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Spencer

After my peaceful day with Sophie, I wasn’t looking forward to this evening. Carlo and I are still reeling after our conversation last night, so discussing our relationship again seemed a little soon.

With the history between us, we were very familiar with hiding our emotions, but it was clear there was still significant tension between us as soon as Sophie started discussing our relationship.

I understood why she was doing it. She wanted to repair what she perceived to be the damage she had caused. Sophiealso knew Carlo and I probably wouldn’t talk about it without her intervention, but even so the dynamic felt alien.

Sophie suggested we discuss our feelings and desires, in the same way I would with her. But Carlo and I don’t do that.

After dinner, the three of us ended up chatting in the kitchen. Nowhere else felt neutral.

Carlo was leaning against the counter, arms folded, watching me like he was still deciding if I was here to stay. Sophie sat at the table, her fingers drumming against the mug she hadn’t touched.

No one spoke at first. That used to be my cue to fill the silence with a bad joke, this time, I just let it hang, a little uncertain where I fit.

Sophie broke the silence.

“I don’t want to wake up next month and have to pretend this didn’t happen. We need to accept our faults and learn from our mistakes as we move forward.”