Page 83 of Choosing Hope

Oh, my God. He’s breaking my fucking heart right now.

“Can’t you understand how painful it is to see you with your beautiful wife, your beautiful child? Both things I should have had. You let me be a part of your life for a while. You gave me a taste of it. And then you ripped it away.”

The tears roll down my cheeks. I’ve never heard Carlo so upset.

“I don’t want your wife, Spencer. Yes, I love her undeniably, but I don’t want her. I want you. Yet I’m sick of being your dirty little secret. I’m sick of you using me as a fucking vessel to get you off and then dealing with your shame that I’m too disgusting to touch. You either love me and let me love you or leave me alone because I can’t fucking take this anymore.”

I hear the moment he breaks, and I’m certain he’s crying.

“Mate. I’m sorry.”

“You’re always sorry, Spencer. Look what you’ve done to that woman.”

He stops talking, and when he speaks again, his voice has lost its fire.

“I’m not asking you to make this work. I’m telling you; if you fucking hurt her one more time, I’ll kill you myself.”

There’s a muffled noise and I tiptoe to the door to look at them. Their embrace is so tight you couldn’t fit a cigarette paper between them.

Carlo is facing me, with his eyes closed. He’s clinging to Spencer like my husband is his lifeline.

I can’t hold back a sob that escapes my throat. I didn’t intend to make a sound but I must have because Carlo’s eyes open and he holds out a hand to me.

Without a second of hesitation, I run toward him, my towel dropping to the floor in my haste. I mold my body against my husband’s back, while Carlo’s muscular arm holds me in place.

This closeness feels good. It seems like after more than three years, we’re reconnecting as a unit.

A little bashed around. We need time for all the cracks to be repaired. But if we stand together, we can get through this. I’ll make sure we can.

Chapter Twenty

Sophie

An hour later, we’re on our way home. Tony is driving; the three of us are in the back. I’m seated between the two boys.

Spencer and Carlo are both quiet, and I know they’re contemplating everything that’s happened in the last few hours.

The tension between the two men is palpable, making the atmosphere in the car thick and extremely uncomfortable.

When we stood back from our embrace, it was obvious the boys had been fighting. Spencer had a cut on his lip, and there were multiple bottles broken near the bar. Though thankfully, it wasn’t the devastationCarlo had predicted.

When I first suggested this scene, Carlo warned me Spencer would lash out, but for me, that was the whole point. I wanted to get my husband’s attention and to show him I wasn’t against Carlo. But most importantly, I wanted him to remember how it feels when you see your partner with someone else.

Just because I’ve accepted and played along with the sexual deviancy he’s nurtured, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need pulling back occasionally. This time he’s gone too far. I know many women could never forgive him, but I’m determined to try. The deep emotional ache I’m experiencing reminds me of the day when I lost Lily in the park a few weeks ago. It was a fleeting moment, but even so, when we were reacquainted, I wasn’t sure whether to hug her or punish her.

This entire plan was to show him I’m not just a wife and mother, and I’m still the woman he married, with the same urges I’ve always had. It wasn’t until I spoke to Carlo that it also became an opportunity to show him that I accepted his best friend, and their relationship shouldn’t be something he’s ashamed of.

Twenty minutes after getting in the car, Spencer speaks for the first time. His voice is low, but what it lacks in volume, it makes up for in depth.

“I know you hate me, and I don’t blame you. I hate myself too at the moment.”

He doesn’t address either of us, so I naturally assume he’s talking to us both.

“Stop trying to get sympathy,” I sigh. “Personally, I’m not interested in talking to you unless you’re ready to be completely transparent with me.”

“I’ve never lied to you,” he snaps, automatically on the defensive and I can’t deny I’m pleased to hear his fire.

I snigger.