Page 63 of Choosing Hope

“Yes, Daddy. I have been a very lucky girl. My friends have brought me so many beautiful things. Come and see,” she says sweetly, wriggling to be released.

Reluctant to give up my human shield, I place her down. She steps back but catches my hand, pulling me out into the garden.

Sophie approaches immediately, her eyes shining with love and a shy smile on her lips.

“Darling, I’m so glad you’re here; you’ve made her day,” she gushes, leaning forward to place a delicate kiss to the side of my mouth.

Perhaps partly because of the show Carlo put on, but mostly because now that we’re here together I realize how much I’ve missed her; I pull her towards me in an affectionate embrace which only shows an ounce of the love I really have for her.

“I promised I would,” I reply, giving her no option but to mold herself into me. She places her hand on my chest and peers up into my face, but I can see the torrent of concern behind her beaming smile.

“Yes, but . . .”

She doesn’t need to finish that sentence. I’m all too aware I’ve let them down too many times to count and can’t blame her for doubting my word. I press my lips to her mouth, keeping my greeting PG while trying to draw out some of her worries, and replacing them with the confidence I wish she felt.

Lily pulls on my hand, demanding my attention, and I grip hold of Sophie, determined to keep her with me but allow our daughter to lead us both toward her pile of gifts.

The moment I sit at the table, I pat my knee for Sophie to sit with me, and I’m delighted when she does.

We both proudly listen to Lily run through her gifts at top speed, remembering which child gave her each gift. Quite an achievement for a three-year-old.

I sense the other women watching our interaction and hear one woman whisper to her friend,“I wish James were so invested in Chloe.”

If only she knew. Upon hearing her friend’s comment, I squeeze Sophie, giving her a brief, regretful smile.

“Will you come and bounce with me, Daddy?”

The large inflatable castle is wobbling like crazy as her friends bounce, Barbie dolls abandoned on the floor. Certain it won’t be safe for me to join them, I hold my hand out to her, drawing her toward us.

“How about we bounce together later, when your friends have gone home?”

She stares up at me with large, sad eyes.

“Daddy needs to get changed, and speak to some of Mummy’s friends,” I explain in a low voice.

Reluctantly, she accepts my proposal but still doesn’t drop my hand.

“Why don’t you go play, Button?”

She shrugs her little shoulders. “I’d rather stay with you, Daddy.”

Guilt hits me square in the chest. She doesn’t want to leave me in case I disappear again. Sophie glances at me with a sad smile, and then stands, and I lift Lily onto my lap.

“I’ll still be here after you’ve finished playing with your friends, Lily.” I sweep a few strands of her fine blond hair, the exact shade as her mother’s, back from her face. “Go enjoy yourself; we can play later.”

She holds out her little finger. “Pinky promise you won’t go back to work?” she asks me.

I smile sadly and link my thick finger with her much smaller one, eager to give her the reassurance she needs.

Once she’s satisfied, she wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes me as tightly as she can.

“Thank you for coming to my party, Daddy. You being here is the best present ever,” she says enthusiastically, unaware her words are shattering my heart.

I place her down gently and watch her run toward the castle. She collects up her dolls, returning them to the table between us before joining her friends on the castle.

“Your little girl’s growing up fast,” says Carlo, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

I glance up at him and nod.