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Chapter

Thirty-Four

MERRI

W arm beams of sunlight spilled through the window in my favorite room of the house. I was perched on the window seat with my bare toes resting on the small end table I’d commandeered while I meticulously painted each nail. I didn’t even want to think about how old that piece of furniture was, but I was certain if Malice caught me, he’d have strong opinions about what I was doing. Nothing jazzed up antique lacquered wood like a little Bastille My Heart dripped along the surface.

At the thought of Malice, my heart gave a flutter in my chest, bringing to mind everything I’d been trying so hard to forget. Not because that kiss he’d laid on me hadn’t been amazing. It had. Easily one of the top five kisses I’d experienced in my life. Okay, top three. Each one had been given to me by men in this very house.

Men I’d obviously tricked into caring about me.

And that was why I couldn’t dwell on the kiss. Or Sin’s date. Or the brush of Grim’s leather-clad finger over my lips. Or the way Chaos had felt while he was inside me.

Fuck.

Perhaps I’d tricked myself into caring about them as well. The bond worked both ways, didn’t it? I’d manufactured feelings and shot myself in the foot while doing so.

I let out a frustrated breath, hating the position I’d found myself in. I wish Lilith had never told me about the bonds. Then, at least, I could pretend that there was a future for me and the men I was lusting after.

Footsteps behind me yanked me out of my pity party, and I snapped my head toward the sound. Christian stood a few feet away, a feather duster in his hand.

“Oh, mademoiselle, forgive me. I didn’t realize anyone was in here.”

“It’s no problem. I just really like the light in here. It’s perfect for painting my toenails.”

He glanced at said toes and gave an approving nod. “The color suits you.”

“Thanks. Don’t tell Mal I used his table, okay? I have a feeling he might have some issues with that.”

Christian’s lips quirked in a barely there smile. “I might know where a few replacements are stored in case of a casualty.” But then his smile faltered, and he glanced over his shoulder as if uncertain if he should stay or go. That hint of uncertainty from him raised an internal alarm.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“I...” He gave another cursory check around the room. “Mademoiselle, forgive me if this is over the line, but there is something I need to share with you.”

“Okay,” I said, my gut churning at the seriousness in his tone. I capped the nail polish and straightened, giving the groundskeeper my full attention.

“I have been debating whether or not I should tell you this. I am and always have been loyal to Monsieur Laurent. But you have been so kind to me, and I can see you have a gentle and loving soul. I would hate for you to be taken advantage of.”

Taken advantage of?

“Christian, what are you getting at?”

“I overheard the four of them yesterday when I was assessing the dry goods we keep on hand. We have been trying to build our stock in case of emergency.”

“Overheard who?”

It was a stupid question, but I needed to hear him say it. That was the only way to make it real.

“Monsieur Laurent and his three guests. There is no other way to say this... They are racing to impregnate you with one of their children.”

A ball of ice settled in my stomach. “What? Impregnate me? But... why?”

He shrugged. “I do not know. It seems as though they are in competition with each other. Why do men do any of what we do?”

I shook my head, unable to form words in the wake of the truth grenade he’d just lobbed at me.

“One thing that was clear, mademoiselle, was they had no intention of letting you know about their plans.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. It was unthinkable. I had no idea why they would want such a thing, but also no reason to doubt Christian. As he’d just pointed out, he was loyal to Malice. There was no upside to him telling me what he’d overheard, just a lot of risk.

The horsemen might have seemed human to me lately, but the truth was, they were far from it. They were powerful, god-like, and didn’t play on the same field as most creatures. To them, creating a life might have been the ultimate test of their prowess.

But why me? Why were they playing with me and my emotions? Because they were stuck with me? Because I was convenient? Because I’d all but begged them to fuck me so I could feed?

I knew I was being a little dramatic. If anything, they’d been the ones begging me, but that was because of the stupid bond I’d accidentally created.

Wait. Could that be the reason?

Had I unwittingly made them want this? Knowing what I did about Malice’s son, the thought made me sick to my stomach. He seemed like the last being in existence who’d want another child, given the trauma he had around his firstborn.

Another thought swam to the surface. Sin had been trying to get in my pants from day one. I’d resisted both him and Chaos.

The words Chaos had growled in my ear about wanting to breed me echoed in my mind. I’d stuck to my guns and turned him down that time, but then I’d accidentally dreamwalked with him again.

Had the bond only made me more compliant?

“Please take care, mademoiselle. I do not wish to see you hurt. If you decide this place is no longer safe for you, all you must do is tell me. I will help.”

“Why? If they found out, they’d make you pay.” It seemed a funny detail to worry about, given everything else swimming through my mind, but it also felt like the only question I might actually get an answer to.

“Because you cared for me when no one else did. And you remind me of my sisters. I would risk the same for them. And I would wish that if they found themselves in your position, there would be someone like me there to look out for them.”

“Thank you, Christian.”

He held my gaze, his sincerity and concern boring into me. “I will leave you to your painting. You know where to find me if you need me.”

I nodded, mutely watching as he left the room.

The sun that had only minutes earlier felt so warm and cheerful no longer felt like a safe haven.

How could I have been so careless and forgotten who the horsemen were?

They were the quintessential bad guys. Of fucking course they would be up to some shady shit, even if they did catch magically induced feelings. I was such a trusting fool, blinded by a set of handsome faces and a few sweet words.

God, what was wrong with me?

But the more important question was, what on earth was I going to do now?