Page 23

Chapter

Twenty-One

MERRI

T he amount of sexual energy coming through the feed was insane. The closest I’d ever come to this many different sources was Iniquity, and that was still a fraction of what I was feeding off right now. My body was buzzing, tingles racing through me like the pulse of an electrical current. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said I was high.

It took Sin all of two seconds to remove every stitch of clothing before he held out a hand for me.

“It’s my turn. Use me to get exactly what you want.” His eyes burned with pure desire.

Behind the intensity in his stare, I could see his urge to feed me, to give me everything he could so I’d be sated. So we both would.

I knew there was more than enough energy pumping through the room that we could both feed and be full, but all that lust didn’t hold a candle to what Sin and I would get from each other. I didn’t have much to compare feeding from him to, but I couldn’t help but wonder if what was happening between us was normal for our kind or if it was something else.

Something . . . more.

“Then I need you on your back, Sinclair.”

He winked, a cocky smirk on his handsome face. “I like it when you try to be dominant.”

Sin pulled me up as he moved to take my place on the bedding, and I used the exchange as an opportunity to glance at the monitor Malice had set up for us. Comments were pouring in. Some excited, and some surprisingly upset. I guess not everyone liked watching me perform with a sex god. My eyes landed on a couple of familiar names.

TheSingularity: There’s a good girl. Making sure we can all see you.

ThisIsSparta: Fix the camera angle so I don’t have to see him.

ShyGuy25: Merri, it’s not too late to stop this. You don’t have to start making sex tapes to get attention.

1N3V1T@BL3: Stop teasing and show us how you like it.

I bit the inside of my cheek to try and hide my reaction to the last comment. My newest Daddy must have liked his video. I gave the camera a little wave and blew it a kiss. “I hope you’re enjoying yourselves as much as I am.”

There was a flurry of activity in the comments, but I turned my attention back to Sin. God, he was beautiful, all lean muscle and ink. And I hadn’t even gotten to the long, thick erection waiting for me between his legs. Fitting myself right where I was supposed to go according to our pre-arranged choreography, I made sure my ass was in prime view of the camera before licking a line up Sin’s rock-hard shaft. The groan he let out was somewhere between tortured and euphoric.

“God, yes, baby. Do it again,” he grunted.

His hand found my head, fingers fisting in my hair, ruining my ponytail. I licked him again, but this time when I tried to take his swollen crown into my mouth, he used my hair as a handle and dragged me away from his cock.

“Sin,” I gasped, confused. “The plan . . .”

“I can’t. I won’t last, and if I’m not inside your pussy in the next few seconds, I might explode.”

He wasn’t lying for the benefit of the show. His legs were tense, jaw tight, eyes pleading. Sin really needed this. I couldn’t give him slow and sweet lovemaking, filled with tender touches and intense eye contact. And frankly, this wasn’t about that anyway. No one wanted to watch me make love to my boyfriend. They wanted to watch me fuck or get fucked by a rock star—all while pretending it was them or they were me.

Nodding my understanding, I shifted my body, turning away from his pleading stare as I straddled his hips. His hands immediately grasped my ass.

“Such a pretty view,” he murmured.

From this vantage point, I could see us reflected in the video feed. My entire body on display, his fingers wrapped around my hips, face just visible behind me since he’d propped himself up on the pillows. It was perfect.

The chat thought so too.

Bob1212: Fuck yes. I can see everything.

EverySteve: Sink down on him. Take him raw.

TIs4Tony: I bet your cunt is so hot and tight.

PrettyPenny: You’ve got them eating out of the palm of your hand. Don’t forget to give them the big finish!

1N3V1T@BL3: Touch yourself. I’m taking notes.

Sin released my hip with one hand, and as I lifted up, he positioned his dick at my—as TIs4Tony said—hot, tight entrance. For a second, the positioning reminded me of one of my favorite toys. It was a grinding pad that had a spot where you could place your favorite dildo or vibrator. Then I sank down on him, and all I could think of was the man under me. Sin felt so good. Sex wasn’t always like this, was it? Because every time Sin filled me, it was like I’d found a missing piece.

And I didn’t just mean because his dick seemed to hit every single erogenous zone inside of me. This was something else, that something more.

“Oh my God,” I breathed, my eyes fluttering closed as I adjusted to the feeling of him stretching me.

“Fuck, yes, Merri. Ride me.” Sin’s voice was as tight as his grip on my waist. I was sure I’d sport bruises tomorrow, and the idea sent a wash of pride through me.

The chat was flying by, fast enough I knew they liked what they saw. As I moved my hips and gave myself over to the pleasure of taking Sin’s dick in this position, I watched the two of us on screen. My tits swayed with the motion of my body, Sin’s fingers flexed, and his expression contorted as he worked to control himself.

“Let me in, Sinclair,” I hummed, needing him to drop his barriers so I could feel more. I wanted to be closer. As close as I could possibly get.

He was so lost to the sensation of my body gliding over his that it took him a second to register my demand.

“Wha—” He stopped himself mid-question and then the walls came falling down.

It was as though floodgates had opened and sent Sin’s emotions rushing over me with the force of a rogue wave. So many complicated feelings—quite a few that mirrored my own—hit fast and hard. Confusion, affection, fear, and most notably, that sense of rightness when we were joined. My incubus was just as connected to me as I was to him.

Any sense of unity was swiftly replaced by fear. What had I done to him?

My pace faltered as my mind worked to sabotage everything we were doing, but Sin took over, moving me with his hands and thrusting his hips upward as he chased the release barreling down on him.

“Fuck, Merri. Don’t stop. God, it’s so good.”

His fingers snaked around my front until he found my clit, and he began rubbing tight circles over that tender flesh. I whimpered, throwing my head back and letting my own pleasure build. It was as if our orgasms were spurring each other’s on. With his mental barriers down, I could feel his climbing as if it were my own. That, combined with my own spiking pleasure, was too much to process. I tensed down on him, my orgasm hitting like a fucking freight train at the same time his did.

I fed. I fed so deeply from him and the audience we’d all but forgotten. For a few beautiful moments, I was nothing but a being of light.

There was a soft buzzing in my ears and a damp sheen of sweat coating my skin when I finally came back to myself.

“Wow,” I whispered.

Sin traced a line down my spine with one of his fingers. “You can say that again.”

I shot him a grin over my shoulder, my voice low so it wouldn’t be picked up by the microphone. “At least you didn’t pass out this time.”

He pinched the top of my ass. “We need to close out the live.”

Glancing at the monitor, I watched as the number of participants began to rapidly decrease.

“Thanks for joining us,” I said coquettishly. “We’ll have to do it again sometime.”

The feed ended before I could even attempt to shut it off myself. Malice must’ve taken care of it. My heart lurched as I leaned forward and Sin’s still hard dick slipped out of me. The chat was still open, but the comments were slowing. One in particular stood out in sharp relief.

ShyGuy25: You’re breaking my heart, Merri.

My reaction to his words was complicated. I wasn’t sure if it was guilt or something else that gnawed at my insides. Before I could worry too much, Sin nipped at the back of my neck.

“I told you it was a good idea. I haven’t feasted like that in, well...”

I glanced back at him as he trailed off, noting that he looked sheepish.

Rubbing a hand over the back of his head, he shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t really matter.” He slid a palm up my spine before kissing my shoulder. “Come shower with me?”

I wanted to, but at the same time, I needed to address what had happened with Cole. My phone was buzzing over and over on my nightstand, and I knew without a doubt it was him. I couldn’t ruin things with him. He was my friend and one of my most steady sources of sustenance. I didn’t want to hurt him.

It also wouldn’t hurt to put a little bit of distance between Sin and myself. I know I told him I would explore something more with him, but now I needed to unpack what the hell that was I felt between us. More specifically, if it was real, or just another side effect of the dreamwalking. Fuck, this was such a mess. I never should have agreed to perform with him. What if I just ruined everything?

“I’m going to stay here and bask in the afterglow a little longer. You go ahead.”

“Have it your way. I’ll be in there, naked, soapy, and wet. You’re welcome to join me if you change your mind.”

A half-hearted laugh escaped me. “Tempting.”

Then the handsome horseman sauntered into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

I grabbed my phone as soon as I could, guilt clawing at me from all sides. I was hurting them both, and perhaps worst of all, Sin didn’t even realize what I’d done.

C:

Did he force you to do this?

C:

Merri. I hate that you think sex for money is the only way you can get what you need.

C:

Please call me. Text me back. Something.

I needed to fix this. Dammit. Cole didn’t deserve for me to leave him on read, not after he had been there for me time and time again. And while I didn’t love the jealous and more than a little judgmental slant to his messages, I did understand it. That was reason enough for me to reach out to him.

Me:

I’m sorry you’re disappointed with me. This was a business decision. A very lucrative one. But I am sorry that it hurt you. That was never my intention.

I hit send, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. The live was an absolute success. I should be celebrating. Or at least enjoying the feeling of being fully sated. Instead, I was miserable.

C:

So giving your body to him is just a business transaction? You didn’t even use protection.

Resentment fueled by anger sparked to life at his words. My fingers flew across the screen before I fully registered my response.

Me:

You sure are assuming a lot of things right now. Both about me, and about your place in my life.

Me:

It was a mistake to give you my number. It blurred the lines.

I tossed the phone away from me, my pulse racing from an onslaught of conflicting emotions. It immediately buzzed with a new message, and I couldn’t resist seeing his reply.

C:

Merri, don’t say that. We don’t have lines between us, not anymore, and you know it. I’m just worried about you. You’ve never done this before and you deserve so much more than some rock star who is going to throw you away after he gets what he wants.

C:

Please don’t ignore me. You know I’m right. You deserve love. He doesn’t love you, not if he’d share you with the world like that.

Me:

Just because that’s not a choice that you would make doesn’t mean it was wrong. Some people love to be watched. Some people also love to share.

Me:

And you’re hardly one to judge. You know exactly what I do for a living, and you pay me for the privilege of watching. So do us both a favor and get off your high horse.

I bit my lip as I read my message back. I was supposed to be smoothing things over, not picking a fight. But I wasn’t wrong, dammit. He didn’t get to be a judgmental hypocrite.

C:

I’m sorry.

C:

It’s just... this doesn’t seem like the Merri I know. But maybe that’s because you don’t let me know the real you. I’ve fallen in love with you and now I realize that might all be a lie.

Me:

It’s not a lie.

My head was reeling over the confession he’d just laid at my feet, so I really didn’t have anything else to say to him. He was in love with me? Andi had warned me about the dangers of getting too close to clients for this very reason. But Cole was different.

I squeezed my eyes shut when his next message came in. I wasn’t ready to look at it yet. I’d told Cole the person I was with him wasn’t a lie, but I’d been lying to him since the day we met. No matter what he thought he felt for me, he’d never know the real me. He couldn’t.

I was a succubus. He was a human. That was the start and end of our story.

For a lot of reasons, not the least of which was that I would never not need to feed off the sexual energy of my partners, and he alone would never be enough to sustain me—assuming, of course, I didn’t kill him outright. I would never be able to give up camming and have the white picket fence happily ever after he was clearly envisioning.

I should put us both out of our misery and end this right here, right now. Block him from my contacts and my site. Cut him off for his own good.

Before I read his response, I typed one of my own.

Me:

I’m never going to be the girl you really want, Cole.

God, why was my lower lip trembling? Had he really worked his way past my walls without me noticing?

I guess it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. He was the only person, other than Andi, who I’d had any long-term contact with. Besides Lilith, but she didn’t count. She was family. They were the closest thing I had to friends. You know, for people I’d never actually met face-to-face.

My phone buzzed in my hand, and this time I read his message and the one before it.

C:

I love you.

Me:

I’m never going to be the girl you really want, Cole.

C:

You don’t get to decide that for me.

C:

I mean it, Merri. You are the only person I’ve ever felt safe enough with to fully be myself. You know how limited I am because of my situation. You also know what it means for me to offer to share my space with another person. And if the words alone aren’t enough to convince you, maybe this will help you understand just how serious I am about us.

The next message he sent was an address. His address, I assumed.

Los Angeles, huh? Somehow that felt fitting for him, even if he never left his house to enjoy the sunshine.

Me:

Cole, I can’t.

C:

This isn’t a now or never offer. If you need me, if you need a place to crash when that dick decides he’s gotten everything he can from you, just come. I’ll be here, ready and waiting to help you pick up the pieces and show you what love should be.

I set my phone down and shook my head, at a total loss. I couldn’t make any sort of commitment to Cole. Hell, I didn’t even know what he looked like. He was confused, mistaking lust for love, as so many people do. Especially when a succubus was involved.

So why, then, if I was so sure about that, could I not just cut him loose?

Why did his offer make my heart feel squishy?

Goddammit.

I swiped across his message thread and let my finger hover over the little trash icon that would clear all traces of this conversation, but I hesitated. If I deleted everything, I wouldn’t be able to find him if I ever needed to. Was that wise? It was the end of the world, after all. Having a safe place to land might not be a bad idea.

With a few decisive actions, I copied his address and saved it to his contact information. Then, with Malice on my mind, I deleted the message thread. The last thing I needed was Mal snooping and questioning my texting habits. Or why I was texting with a client, specifically one who felt he was allowed to comment on my site activity. He’d probably start rooting around in my brain to get the answers I’d refuse to provide.

Fuck that.

For some stupid reason, tears misted my eyes.

Don’t you dare start crying , I ordered sternly. Because that always works.

One rogue tear dripped down my cheek, and I angrily brushed it away.

There was zero reason for me to be crying. I had a naked man in the other room, and I was better fed than I had been in days.

Oh shit, Sin would be done soon, and then he’d come in here and wonder what the fuck was wrong with me. I was not a pretty crier. My eyes got all red and my lips puffed up. It wasn’t something I could easily hide. And even if I could, he’d probably be able to smell the shift in my mood with his stupid incubus mojo.

I scrambled off the bed, grabbed a pair of sweats, and pulled them on without paying attention to what I was doing. It wasn’t until I tried to tuck my phone into my pocket that I realized my bottoms were on inside out.

I heard Sin whistling in the bathroom, a clear indication his shower was over. No time to fix the pants now. If I ran into one of the others, the worst they’d do was judge me.

As I scurried out of the room, my phone buzzed once more, making my heart lurch.

C:

I’m not abandoning us, Merri. Take time if you need it. I’ll be here when you’re ready.