Page 18

Chapter

Sixteen

MERRI

I wrinkled my nose as I noticed the fresh dump of snow that had accumulated overnight. I was so ready for winter to be over. Letting the curtain fall back over the window, I sighed and glanced around my room. The truth was, I didn’t have to stay in here, locked away from social interactions. I could be downstairs right now, talking with Sin, making Grim teach me about plants, ogling Chaos, or asking Malice to help me test my mental barriers again. But that would mean I’d need to make myself vulnerable to all sorts of other things. Namely, the risk of getting attached to these handsome horsemen.

And that could not happen. Not under any circumstance. Chaos had proven yesterday just how fragile my self-control was.

Thus my self-inflicted exile.

Was it an exile when you didn’t leave a specific place? What was the word for exiling in the same spot? Quarantine? Internment? House arrest?

Just as my thoughts truly began to spiral, there was a brief knock at my door. I didn’t even have a chance to respond to it before the door cracked open.

“Mademoiselle? Are you decent?” Christian asked, his voice hesitant but not unwelcome.

I was more than decent. I’d bundled up in the warmest sweater available in my wardrobe, as well as a pair of fleece-lined leggings, wool socks, and soft slippers. “Yes. Come in.”

He pushed the door open a bit further but remained firmly on the other side of the threshold, his arms filled with a large stack of something.

“Ah, this will not do. Your fire is dying. No wonder you are so cold.” He set the bundle on my bed and rushed to the fireplace, which looked fine to me, but what did I know?

In minutes, he’d stoked the wood, added more, and the flames had gone from meager to robust.

He stood, dusting off his hands and beaming at me. “There. Much better. You should be warm in no time.”

“Thanks. I guess I should’ve realized something wasn’t right when the windowpanes frosted over.”

“It’s these old houses,” he said with a shrug. “Even with the improvements, they aren’t the most insulated.” As if remembering something, he straightened and picked up the stack of what I could now tell was clothes. “Which reminds me, these finally came for you.”

“What are they?”

“Outerwear. Gloves, a hat, and a heavy winter coat to ensure you are properly bundled for when you take your afternoon stroll through the grounds.”

“You noticed,” I said, touched he’d been paying attention enough to realize I’d been enjoying the outdoors even with an ill-fitting coat, hat, and gloves.

“Oui. It is my job to notice these things.”

“Well, thank you. That was really kind of you.”

Christian shrugged again, as if it was no big deal. “And if there’s anything else that you need during your stay, please do not hesitate to ask. I am here to help.”

There was a moment where I thought about exactly how Christian could help me, but I immediately snuffed the idea out. No. Bad Merri. He wasn’t offering to be your own personal buffet. He’s human. He can’t handle you. It’s horsemen or camming, and you already decided that all things horse are off the menu.

A pang of hunger protested, but I pushed it away. I could cam later. I would have to. Maybe Cole would be around for some one-on-one time. And I needed to check in on 1N3V1T@BL3 and see how he liked his personalized content. There was a good chance he’d have something to say about it that would tide me over.

Christian excused himself, shutting the door behind him and leaving me alone with my thoughts and the crackling fire as my only company.

I had to admit, the coat was pretty. Puffy and stuffed with down, I could tell from first glance it would keep me as warm as possible the next time I went outside. What a thoughtful gesture on his part. I was glad I’d controlled myself and resisted the urge to go all succubus on him.

I was just trying on the gloves—leather but lined with the softest fur—when a chime on my laptop announced an incoming message. I hadn’t planned on working quite yet, but you had to make hay while the sun was shining, right?

Tossing the gloves and coat aside, I moved over to the desk and clicked on my messages.

There was no faking my smile when I saw it was from Andi and not one of my clients.

PrettyPenny:

Hey girl heeeeyyy.

Merri-Go-Round:

Well, hey there. What are you doing up at this hour? Isn’t it like the middle of the night?

PrettyPenny:

I’m an all-hours opportunist. Sleep is for the weak.

Merri-Go-Round:

Fair enough.

PrettyPenny:

What about you? What have you been up to with those handsome bodyguards of yours? Please tell me there’s a sexy forbidden love square happening by now.

Merri-Go-Round:

Love square? Lol I wouldn’t say that. There have been some... developments, though.

PrettyPenny:

OMG tell me everything. I’ll get a glass of wine.

Part of me shouted to keep it private and not kiss and tell, but honestly, I really needed some girl talk. I was drowning in a sea of testosterone, and I needed an estrogen life preserver right now.

Merri-Go-Round:

Well . . .

PrettyPenny:

Babes, if you don’t spit it out, I’m going to reach through this screen and throttle you. Now spill!

Merri-Go-Round:

I slept with one of them. A couple of times.

PrettyPenny:

Oh. Is that all? I was hoping for an orgy.

Merri-Go-Round:

Are you serious???

PrettyPenny:

Uh, yeah. Sex is what we do. Did you guys at least get kinky? Ooh, did he leave marks?

I thought about my first dreamwalk and the bruises on my hips.

Merri-Go-Round:

there were some marks

PrettyPenny:

Yessss! Thatta girl.

PrettyPenny:

And did he wrap it up, or did you have him finish on you?

My cheeks flamed as the memory of Sin’s cum dripping down my thighs replayed in my mind.

Merri-Go-Round:

Um . . .

PrettyPenny:

Anal?

Now I was thinking about Chaos.

Merri-Go-Round:

Um . . .

PrettyPenny:

MA’AM. I know I taught you better than that. Cum shots are great, but a baby bump is the worst thing you can do for your career right now. Tell me you were smart.

Merri-Go-Round:

I’m fine. He’s shooting blanks.

God, I was a liar. I had no idea if Sin could get me pregnant, but it wasn’t likely.

PrettyPenny:

Did he show you proof? Because that sounds like a line to me. ‘No, baby, we don’t need a condom, I’m sterile.’ *insert jack-off gif here* You should get tested. Stat. Just to be sure.

Merri-Go-Round:

Okay. Okay. As soon as I can. Are you happy?

PrettyPenny:

Not really. No orgy and you might have gotten yourself knocked up.

Merri-Go-Round:

It was really great, if that’s any consolation.

PrettyPenny:

Consider my ears perked.

Merri-Go-Round:

And he’s not the one who has a breeding kink anyway.

PrettyPenny:

J’scuse?!

Merri-Go-Round:

One of them tried to turn me into a puddle with his dirty talk. He really laid it on thick once he realized the risky behavior turned me on.

PrettyPenny:

My my, how the plot thickens. No wonder you let that dude blow his load in you. SMH baby has a breeding kink.

Merri-Go-Round:

I didn’t have an opportunity to think about it before. There’s no way any of my clients could ever do it.

PrettyPenny:

Well, I guess it’s not the worst thing. Minus, you know, your line of work and the state of the world. But, in general.

PrettyPenny:

Does this mean if you *are* pregnant, you’ll keep it? Am I going to be an auntie?

Merri-Go-Round:

Jesus, Andi. I’m not.

PrettyPenny:

You could be.

Merri-Go-Round:

I’m not. I’d know by now.

Truthfully, I would have no fucking clue. But I needed to say something that would appease Andi and get her off this topic.

PrettyPenny:

Have you gotten your period?

Succubi didn’t have the same reproductive cycles as human females. It was part of the reason my kind was so notoriously infertile. Basically, the stars had to align under a very strict set of circumstances for the window to even be open. It wasn’t impossible, but it was far from easy. Understandably so. With as much sex as we were supposed to have, we couldn’t very well be at risk of being impregnated every time. It was pretty counterintuitive to our base function in the world.

But I couldn’t tell Andi any of that, so instead, I did what I seemed to be best at. I lied.

Merri-Go-Round:

Any day now.

PrettyPenny:

Hmmm. You’d better tell me the moment Aunt Flo arrives. I’ll start knitting some booties just in case.

Merri-Go-Round:

Please don’t.

PrettyPenny:

Oh, what about a cute little hat with devil horns? Something tells me any baby you make will be just as devilish as he is adorable.

With Famine as his potential father, that wasn’t entirely far off. Not that I was thinking about Sin as the father of my nonexistent children. Or any of the horsemen for that matter.

Nope.

Definitely not.

Remember when I said I was good at lying? Yup. That even applied to myself.

Or maybe especially to myself.

A notification popped up on my screen, and the name that appeared made my heart flip just a little. Cole. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I had missed him.

Merri-Go-Round:

GTG. Client wants a private.

PrettyPenny:

Kk. Let me know if I’m gonna be an auntie!

Merri-Go-Round:

don’t hold your breath. I wouldn’t want you to die

PrettyPenny:

And miss out on my hot paramedic moment? Rude!

I laughed and closed out of our chat so I could maximize Cole’s.

ShyGuy25:

There you are. I was hoping you’d answer.

Merri-Go-Round:

I haven’t been gone that long. Did you really miss me that much?

ShyGuy25:

I always miss you when I’m not talking to you. You’re my favorite part of the day.

Merri-Go-Round:

Aw thanks, handsome. You’re definitely the highlight of mine.

ShyGuy25:

Really? Do you mean that?

Currently? Yes. But only because of my situation. Outside of that? Not really. I’d had a lot of highlights recently. Most involving Sin and Chaos.

ShyGuy25:

Merri??

Merri-Go-Round:

What are you up to right now? Did you meet your deadline?

The guilt of lying to him made my skin itchy, so I went with a little redirection, hoping it might work in my favor.

ShyGuy25:

Not yet. I have some more time before I have to get everything done, but I’m on track.

Merri-Go-Round:

That’s great. I’m really proud of you.

Dots bounced on the screen and then stopped. It went on long enough I could tell he’d typed something and deleted it.

Merri-Go-Round:

Since when are you shy with me? What were you going to say?

ShyGuy25:

It’s nothing. Honestly. I just couldn’t remember the last time someone told me they were proud of me.

Merri-Go-Round:

Well, that’s a shame. You work hard. You’re kind and gentle. You’re a good man, I can tell. You deserve someone in your life who tells you how proud they are.

ShyGuy25:

Maybe it’s you.

Merri-Go-Round:

Me?

ShyGuy25:

Maybe you bring it out in me. The goodness and kindness.

Merri-Go-Round:

I don’t believe that. You’ve been the same sweet guy since I met you. So the math doesn’t math.

ShyGuy25:

Math is gross.

Merri-Go-Round:

Facts. It’s clearly an instrument of the devil.

ShyGuy25:

Hey, don’t put that on him. He gets blamed for all the bad things.

Merri-Go-Round:

. . . he’s the devil . . . King of Bad Things.

ShyGuy25:

hear me out

Merri-Go-Round:

Fine, I’m listening.

ShyGuy25:

God is literally “the creator.” He created everything. Therefore, God created math.

Merri-Go-Round:

That’s a surprisingly good point. But didn’t man technically invent math?

ShyGuy25:

Man discovered math. But fine, need another example? God also created the Pacific Hatchetfish. And I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one of those things, but it’s terrifying. Probably best not to google it if you haven’t. It’s not called a dead-eyed ghoulfish for nothing.

ShyGuy25:

Also spiders.

Merri-Go-Round:

Wow, you’ve really put a lot of thought into this.

ShyGuy25:

I do a lot of research.

Merri-Go-Round:

I was actually smiling even as I sent the emoji. Cole and I hadn’t had a conversation like this in a long time, but it reminded me exactly why I liked him so much. He was insightful and sweet, but also incredibly intelligent. It gave me such a competency boner.

ShyGuy25:

Sorry, I went on a bit of a tangent.

Merri-Go-Round:

No, don’t apologize. I loved it. I’m sitting here with my chin in my hands, waiting to see what other knowledge bomb you’re going to drop on me.

ShyGuy25:

Did you know camels can’t have sex by themselves?

Merri-Go-Round:

You mean they can’t masturbate?

ShyGuy25:

lol, no. They need human assistance to do the deed.

Merri-Go-Round:

How did they reproduce without humans before humans found them? That can’t be true.

ShyGuy25:

Divine intervention?

Merri-Go-Round:

So there was some poor angel assigned camel sex duties?

ShyGuy25:

His name was Frank.

Merri-Go-Round:

Frank? There’s an angel named Frank?

ShyGuy25:

The name had to start somewhere.

Merri-Go-Round:

All right, smartguy. Any other fun camel facts for me?

ShyGuy25:

Well . . . they’re polygamous.

Merri-Go-Round:

Of course they are.

ShyGuy25:

And the males bite the females’ genitals as part of the courting ritual.

Merri-Go-Round:

now you’re just messing with me. Also ouch.

ShyGuy25:

Annnnnd they come 4 times in one go. So you know. Dick humps are a thing I guess.

Merri-Go-Round:

Dick humps?!?!?!

ShyGuy25:

Well, they store water in their humps, so they must have extra dick humps to store all that jizz. Or they just want to really make it count when their good buddy Frank shows up.

I let out a cackle loud enough I had to stop and wait to see if any of the horsemen were going to come check on me. When I was certain the coast was clear, I refocused on the screen, another little snicker escaping me as I reread his last message and typed my reply.

Merri-Go-Round:

So . . . testicles.

ShyGuy25:

Well, yeah, if you want to be pedantic about it.

Merri-Go-Round:

Big testicles?

ShyGuy25:

Come on, admit it, dick humps sounds so much more on brand. And it has flair.

Merri-Go-Round:

You’ve got me there.

ShyGuy25:

Shit. I have to go take care of something unavoidable. Can we pick this up again later?

Merri-Go-Round:

Sure. But . . .

ShyGuy25:

But what?

I bit my lower lip as the idea percolated. I’d never taken my conversations with any of my clients off the site, but Cole was more to me than just a John who paid for my time. He was my friend, as this conversation just proved. It wasn’t sexual at all. Well, not unless you counted camel sex facts as foreplay. Which I didn’t.

Merri-Go-Round:

Can we stop messaging like this here? I’d rather you text me instead.

ShyGuy25:

Really?

Merri-Go-Round:

Is that okay with you?

ShyGuy25:

Yeah. Of course it is. I’d love that.

Merri-Go-Round:

Great.

I sent him my number with my heart in my throat. In seconds, my phone dinged with a text from an unknown number.

Unknown ID:

It’s me

I programmed him into my contacts, but instead of using his name, I simply set him as C.

Me:

Hi there.

C:

I’ll talk to you later, Merri. Thanks for letting me in.

Me:

I’m glad I did.

C:

You won’t regret it.

Realizing what I’d just done and the possible implications, my tummy gave a nervous flip. I sure hoped he was right.