Page 12

Chapter

Eleven

SIN

A n odd heaviness sat in my chest as I ran through my morning routine. I’d woken up in the middle of the night filled with a sense of joy that quickly turned to loss as I realized it had just been a dream. One I could barely remember now but had felt so real at the time. The constant in my mind was her . Merri’s presence permeated the fragments that remained, her presence and the feelings. Feelings ? Fuck. Dream me wasn’t simply lusting after her. Dream me had gone and caught feelings.

Feelings that weren’t feeling at all dreamlike, come to think of it.

I rubbed at my chest, wondering what the fuck was happening to me. I had put aside mortal things like emotion when I’d taken up Famine’s mantle, so what did it mean that they were returning now? Was it permanent? Was something wrong with me? Was this a side effect of Hel’s ritual or the start of the apocalypse? Were we reverting to our mortal selves as the grains in the hourglass slipped away, counting down the end of us all?

Whoa. Okay. Calm down.

Get your shit together, Sinclair. Go get some coffee in you and stop with the stand-up philosophizing.

As I strode down the stairs, a weird ache took hold of my heart, kind of a twisting pain, an emptiness, and I realized what it was. Yearning. Oh dear God. I was yearning for Merri. I just wanted to see her. My gaze flicked to every corner, every doorway, in search of her. You’d think she was a fountain and I was dying of thirst with this desperate display I was trapped in. What had she done to me? Turned me into some lovelorn fool from a Jane Austen novel?

This had to be some sort of succubus love spell. There was no other explanation for it.

You know she can’t do that. You’re immune to those sorts of powers. This is your stupid human side.

The low sound of droning voices hit my ears as I came upon the kitchen. Christian was hunched over his phone, bags and boxes of provisions lying forgotten as he fixated on whatever the person on the other end was saying.

A man was speaking in an affected French accent.

“This is Jean-Marie Antoinette bringing you the latest in juicy news from around the world. I know I’m typically your source for catty gossip and scandals, but today we have to talk about how Parícutin needed to upstage Vesuvius and destroy not just a city but the entire state of Michoacán, Mexico.

“Pompeii who? Never met her. Rescue efforts are stalled since, so far, no one has been able to get through the cloud of ash without their aircraft’s engines being damaged and the toxicity in the air making it unbreathable even with protective gear. Oh, and there’s also that liquid-hot magma situation. I’m all for a hot stone massage, but this seems a little extreme.”

Who the fuck was this asshole? Treating yet another lost wonder of the world like it was gossip fodder instead of a clear sign of the end times? And where was the compassion for all those lost lives—not that I particularly cared about that, but as one of their ranks, shouldn’t he? I had half a mind to track him down and give him a front-row seat to what famine could do to a person.

“Like for part two, and remember, I might only be half French, but I’m aaaaall cake.”

“Mon Dieu,” Christian muttered under his breath. “He’s an abomination. Someone should deport him.”

“Amen, sister.”

Christian shrieked and dropped his phone as he spun around, hand pressed against his chest. “You are like a terrifying cat, sneaking around and waiting for your chance to pounce.”

I chuckled. “I said your name. Twice.”

“I was busy.”

“Yes, with the cake.”

His expression went serious. “It’s been all over social media. Another wonder of the world destroyed. Everyone is reporting on it. This is the third in as many weeks.”

“Right on schedule,” I muttered under my breath.

“Quoi?”

Ignoring him, I counted on my fingers. Victoria Falls, Everest, now Parícutin. Another motherfucking Prince was probably out there and coming after my Merri.

Our Merri.

No. Just Merri.

Fuck.

“I’ve got to tell the others. Thanks for the chat, Chris.”

The Frenchman frowned and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Christian.”

“That’s what I said.”

Turning on my heels, I made a beeline for the room we’d claimed as our gathering place, shouting for the others to join me. Chaos was already there, coffee in hand, scowl in place.

“What’s wrong with you?” he grumbled.

“This,” I said, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV. An episode of The Golden Girls appeared on the screen, dubbed badly in French. Blanche and Rose were doing their rendition of dirty dancing just in time for Dorothy and Sophia to walk in. Classic.

“Betty White offended you?” he asked with a smirk.

“Pfft. Not my Betty. Did I tell you we went on a date once? She was and remains an international treasure, thankyouverymuch.” I rolled my eyes and clicked over to BBC News.

“What am I looking at?” Chaos asked, standing and walking closer to the screen. “Is that a volcano?”

“Yes. But more importantly, it’s a signal. We need to be on the lookout for another attack. A Prince was released. Merri is in danger.”

“What else is new?” Malice said from the doorway.

“Get Grim down here,” Chaos said, his voice a dark rumble.

“No need,” he said, stepping out of the shadows. “I’m already here.”

“For your next trick, are you going to pull a personality out of your ass, or is that reserved solely for rabbits and hats?” I quipped.

A soft gasp dragged my attention to the redhead standing in the doorway behind Malice. Merri had a mug in her hands and pillow creases on her cheeks. “What happened? All those people...”

See? She wasn’t even technically human, and she still had empathy. That Jean-Marie guy was a right prick. The sadder part of that revelation was how much money he probably made by being one. Because if his shtick wasn’t getting him followers, then he would have dropped it a long time ago. When would the humans learn to stop rewarding bad behavior?

I couldn’t help myself. I crossed the room and reached for her, needing to offer her comfort. The moment my fingers brushed her arm, she stiffened and flinched away.

“Sorry,” she murmured, disguising her hasty retreat as an attempt to get closer to the television screen.

I narrowed my eyes as I clocked the move for exactly what it was. Why was she so jumpy this morning? Last I checked, we were good. Better than good.

“What does this mean?” she asked, looking from Grim to Chaos, then to Malice. Not me.

A pit began to form in my stomach. I didn’t appreciate the distance—physical or emotional—that she was placing between us. There was no way I was letting this BS continue.

Because of the plan. Obviously. Not because of the feelings .

“It means the timeline is still progressing, and we need to keep up our sessions. Every time a Prince is released, we’re that much closer to you being found and taken.”

Malice wasn’t wrong, but in my eyes, we were little more than sitting ducks. We needed more in place if we were going to protect her. No one was going to take her from me.

Us.

Because of the plan, like I said.

Yes. The plan.

We needed her barefoot and preggers, stat. There was an apocalypse to end and a Prince of Darkness to overthrow. Or something.

I scrubbed a hand down my face. In all the upheaval this morning, I’d forgotten to grab my cup of coffee. I was feeling the lack of caffeine. Or my brain cells were. Neurons were definitely misfiring.

“Sin?” Grim said, expression serious as always.

“Huh?”

“I asked you a question.”

“Come again.” I glanced around the room, realizing I’d missed the entire end of the conversation. Merri wasn’t even in the room anymore.

“She’s not pregnant. You need to try again.”

I frowned. “How do you know that, weirdo? Does Death have X-ray vision now?”

The sigh Grim released was one I was intimately familiar with. “You know I can sense the spark of life. She isn’t carrying. You and Chaos need to redouble your efforts.”

“Is that your way of saying we need to have a threesome?”

“Fuck no,” Chaos said, glaring at me.

“What are you complaining about? You haven’t even had a twosome with her yet.”

“I’ve seen enough of your dick to last me an eternity.”

“Fine. I’ll go redouble my efforts since the rest of you haters have made zero of them. And zero times any number still equals zero, you guys.”

“Oh look, he’s a mathlete now,” Malice said.

I flipped him off. “Math is sexy. Chicks dig nerds.”

I didn’t give them a chance to retort because I had a woman to woo. Merri and I needed to fix whatever divide was between us. And what better way than with a little multiplication? See? Sexy math.

Did my heart squeeze at the thought of getting her alone? Yes.

Was it because of anything other than the plan? No.

Definitely not feelings.

I know my equations. Two plus two equals baby.

“Special delivery,” I called out a beat before using the slightly open door as an invitation to waltz right inside Merri’s bedroom.

“You’re not holding anything,” Merri said, eyes dropping to my hands.

That stole some of my thunder, and my winsome smile slipped before I redoubled my efforts. “It’s me, I’m the delivery.” I even added a saucy wink for good measure.

God, she was so fucking pretty as she stood in front of the wardrobe and pulled out a lacy floor-length robe and held it out for inspection. She hummed softly to herself before putting it back and selecting another option, this one a slinky black silk number.

“I like the lace,” I offered, my voice a little hoarse.

“I wore that one recently,” she said without looking away from her closet.

“That’s the fun thing about laundry. You can wear it again once it’s been washed.”

Wrinkling her nose, she strode across the room and laid the garment on the bed. “I don’t do repeats. At least not so close together. They don’t get as much of a reaction from my clients.”

An unwelcome stab of jealousy hit me right in the gut at the thought of her being ogled online when I was right here, ready and willing to serve her.

“You’re camming today?” I couldn’t have kept the desperation out of my voice if I tried.

She stopped short and glanced at me. “I cam every day. Even when the world’s ending.”

“But why?”

Rolling her eyes, she huffed. “You know exactly why. I need to feed.”

“Feed from me. We established this.”

“No. Not unless I have to.”

Ouch.

I rubbed at my chest and had to glance down to make sure there wasn’t some sort of conjured dagger sticking out of it.

Was this what rejection felt like? Have to say, not a fan.

Usually my partners were banging down the door, begging me for repeats, not that I was known for an encore. Unless I was on stage, of course.

“Are you saying you don’t want me?” I asked, adding a layer of bravado-shaped armor around my heart. “That’s not what you said the other night when I was fucking you so well you could barely speak. Although, I guess technically you weren’t saying much of anything.”

“Sin, I can’t do this.”

A low ringing took up inside my head, and my palms started to sweat. “Can’t do your camming session? Great. What are you in the mood for?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

I did, dammit. And I hated it.

“Merri, I don’t understand what’s happening here.”

She glanced over her shoulder, her expression guarded and distant. “Nothing is happening. I’m going to cam and feed so I don’t have to take from any of you. We don’t have to pretend this is more than it is.”

“Pretend?”

“You guys protect me. I manage my needs on my own. We don’t have to do this fake relationship thing. We both know you’re not built for something real.”

Fucking ow.

I mean, she wasn’t wrong, but damn. Give a horseman a chance.

My chest tightened, my pulse thrumming rapidly in my ears. “Are you fucking serious?”

Her walls were up so high I’d need a Trojan horse to get past them. Maybe I should ask Chaos for help?

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She huffed out a laugh. “You don’t actually think I’m naive enough to mistake this for something else, do you? Lilith raised me, for crying out loud. Give me a little credit, Sin.”

“Maybe that’s all it was for you, but don’t put your bullshit on me. I deserve better than some unhealthy situationship with you.”

Her mouth fell open and she stared at me in shock, blinking a few times as my words landed.

“You . . . wait. You wanted more than sex?”

God, I felt like the world’s biggest idiot. Shoving my hands into my pockets because I had no clue what to do with them, I shrugged and stared down at my feet. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“Well, no. Of course not. But you never indicated... How was I supposed to know?”

“I thought the whole not feeding on you and, you know, making sure you had everything you needed thing might have made that clear. Not to mention the way I let my walls down for you.”

“But I asked you outright. I gave you an opening, and you never said so.”

“Do you think that’s maybe because you’d just said you didn’t want more? I was trying to respect your boundaries. Also, this is fucking new to me, all right? I’m figuring this shit out as I go. And not doing a very good job, apparently.”

Feelings, the anti-Viagra. My boner had officially left the building. Abandoned By My Boner was totally going to be my next single. A country song, I think.

Save a horse, ride a horseman.

I’d fallen so deep in my wallow it took me a beat to realize Merri was talking.

“Sin, I’m not sure I can be in a relationship. Not with anyone.”

Fuck, this woman was really good at hurting my feelings. “Why not? Because if you’re trying to say you killed the last guy you loved, I’d like to present exhibit Horseman. I can’t die.”

“Because I don’t know how to let you in.”

“And you think I do? I’m not exactly an expert at this, Merri. Fucking, sure. Grade A Stud, at your service. But the rest of it...” I shook my head. “I never had interest in any of it until you. No one makes me feel the way you do.”

I was thisclose to begging her not to leave like Baby did in Dirty Dancing . All I needed was a rainstorm, maybe a lake in the distance.

She stared at me, her expression soft, her eyes conflicted. “Do you really mean that?”

Closing the distance between us, I reached out and took her hands in mine. “See for yourself.” Then I dropped my walls and let her have access to everything.

No one could ever accuse me of doing things by half measure. I was an all-in kind of guy.

Her eyelids fluttered closed, and a shaky breath escaped her. “You’re telling the truth.”

“I’d say I told you so, but . . .”

Her lips twitched in the bare hint of a smile. I realized it was the first I’d seen from her all morning. It faded as quickly as it had appeared.

“You know I’m not built for monogamy, right? It’s not in my nature.”

I knew. Of course I knew. I was the one who’d suggested her feedings be treated as a team effort in the first place. Her appetite was too much for any one lover to handle. “That’s what the other guys are here for. As long as I’m yours and I know it, the rest is negotiable.”

That little smile was back. “Okay,” she whispered.

There was no stopping my grin. “So does this mean we’re official? Are you going to update your socials? Delete your apps? Do I need to give you an ID bracelet or something?”

“How old even are you? An ID bracelet?”

I shrugged. “Judy Blume wrote about them. I thought chicks were into that sort of thing.”

“Just kiss me, Sinclair.”

My heart fluttered like I was a kid at Christmas. “I thought you’d never ask.”