Page 25

Chapter

Twenty-Three

GRIM

T hese little mid-morning walks of mine were becoming increasingly tedious. I was typically a being who kept busy. Instead I spent my days wondering what Merri was doing, who she was with, and what I could do to protect her. Like I said, tedious.

With an annoyed huff, I lengthened my stride, intent on putting an end to this nonsense and going back inside where I could at least use one of my brothers to distract me from these incessant thoughts. Before I could make the turn that would lead me back to the house, I caught a flash of red in my periphery.

Everything in me tensed, my body going tighter than a piano wire. Merri.

Without conscious thought, my body moved toward her, its new destination set.

Fuck me. I couldn’t recall a time in my long existence I’d ever been so out of control of myself. I couldn’t even touch the woman, but being near her was enough. It was all I had.

For now.

I grimaced at the voice in my head, reminding me that while I was the equivalent of a god, I was also a man. One who hadn’t tested the waters of complicated human urges in a very long time. Until recently.

Fingers balling into fists so tight the leather of my gloves creaked in protest, I fought the wave of desire that rolled through me. I’d been captivated watching Merri be fucked by Sinclair. So aroused I’d been in pain until I finally allowed myself to come when they did. As much as I might wish to be the one doing the fucking, I’d long ago made peace with my reality. I think it was that acceptance that allowed me to set aside things like petty jealousy and just appreciate the beauty of her in the throes of pleasure, regardless of who might be giving it to her.

Or I could be lying to myself. Not that I’d ever have a chance to put it to the test.

Soft sniffles from Merri doused the flames of lust caused by my memories, the sound setting me on alert. What had made her cry? Who did I need to kill?

Part of me hoped it was that insufferable Frenchman, if only so she could watch me rob the bastard of his soul. If it was one of my brothers, it would be a bit harder to enact justice.

“Wildflower?”

Merri startled, spinning around and dropping the object she’d been holding in the snow. I’d never thought much of a woman’s tears, but the sight of her with the crystalline beads hanging from her lashes robbed me of breath. I wanted to capture this moment, find a way to mount it on my wall. Not because she was sad, but because she was the single most exquisite creature I’d ever known.

And I’d known them all.

She knelt down and scooped the scrap of dirty fabric out of the snow, dusting it off with deliberate care.

“I can’t believe he threw it out,” she murmured. “It’s my fault.”

More tears slid down her cheeks, and it was all I could do to pull out a handkerchief rather than use my finger to wipe away the moisture.

“Here, love. Dry your eyes, and then tell me what all this is about.”

She accepted the scrap of silk with a soft snort of amusement. “I didn’t take you for a Boy Scout.”

“Pardon?”

“Always prepared.”

I lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “You never know when you might?—”

“Stumble across a damsel in distress?” she offered, dabbing at her cheeks and then delicately blowing her nose.

“Something like that.”

Merri tucked the now dirty cloth into the pocket of her unbuttoned coat. It was my turn to snort, though mine was annoyance rather than amusement. As if on cue, she shivered.

“What am I going to do with you?” I grumbled, stepping closer and grabbing the lapels of the thick coat before fastening each button until she was as bundled as she could be.

“Take care of me, apparently.”

She looked up at me with those big blue eyes and smiled faintly before sorrow overtook her expression.

The still-wet tracks of tears on her cheeks beckoned to me. She hadn’t done a very good job of drying her face. Merri wasn’t very good at taking care of herself at all. Which I supposed made her earlier comment correct. If she wouldn’t do it, I would.

“What has you so upset?” I ask, brushing a gloved finger down the side of her cheek.

“I...” She flicked her gaze down to her hand, which held what I now recognized as Mal’s ungiven gift to his son. “I messed up.”

“How so?”

“I pried where I shouldn’t.”

“Ah. Well, you do make a habit of snooping,” I murmured, recalling that evening she’d ventured into my greenhouse.

She carefully slid the poppet into the other pocket of her coat before heaving a defeated sigh. “This is different. It’s not me being curious or bored. It’s me forcing myself on you all. I take and take from everyone in my life. I’m basically a human-shaped parasite.”

“You’re only just now noticing this? I mean, you are half demon. That is the core part of their nature.”

She glared at me. “You have a terrible bedside manner.”

It took a second for her ire with me to make sense. All I’d done was state the obvious, but she’d seen it as me being dismissive. Shifting my approach, I added, “I only meant that this is part of who you are. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. That would be like telling the flowers not to drink up the rain, or the waves not to lap at the shore. You can’t and shouldn’t hide that part of yourself.”

She looked away from me, her cheeks suddenly a deeper pink than they’d been simply from the cold.

“Don’t hide from me. I’ve witnessed firsthand what you look like when you allow yourself the freedom to let go and be who you were meant to be. There is nothing more sacred on this earth than watching a piece of the Creator’s art become what it was designed for. There is true beauty in purpose, even if that purpose is destruction. That’s what it means to be part of the natural order.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew the truth.”

“Try me,” I countered.

Snapping her gaze back to me, she stared into my eyes. “How would you like it if I told you I could crawl into your mind and witness your most hidden memories?”

“I’d tell you that you are not the first with that ability, nor will you be the last.”

“Or that I can choose to step into your dreams whenever I want and feed from you without you ever knowing?”

Her emotional confession unlocked a long-forgotten memory from the recesses of my mind. Dreamwalking. It had been so long since her kind had dared to do it, I’d completely forgotten about the possibility. Unexpectedly, the puzzle piece that I’d been searching for slipped into place. She’d just unknowingly provided me with the explanation for the series of dreams the four of us had.

“See? You’re speechless. It’s horrifying. I’ve been hurting you all, and I won’t continue doing it.”

So this was why she’d started to pull away once again.

“You were there in my dream?”

“If I’d known that it was banned, that there were consequences...” She bit down on her lip so hard I worried she might draw blood.

“Don’t do that,” I murmured, freeing her lip.

Merri blinked up at me in surprise. It felt like the moment stretched between us before she returned to herself and took a step back. “It won’t happen again.”

“What won’t?” I asked, too distracted by the feel of her plump lower lip to recall the thread of the conversation.

“I won’t take advantage. I’m not going to allow myself to dreamwalk with any of you again.”

Well, that just wouldn’t do. I could touch her in my dreams. And not just the idea of her, but the piece of her that joined me there. There was no chance in hell I would give that up.

“What if I want you to?”

“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about. You hated my guts when you brought me to your penthouse. Would barely look at me. Now, you’re over there with your smoldery eyes and horny words because I’ve... ensnared you.”

A soft laugh escaped me because I’d never heard someone manage to be so right and so wrong all at the same time.

“I mean it, Grim,” she said, pressing her hands to my shoulders as if to somehow emphasize her next words. “You’re a victim. My victim. All of this is... Stockholm syndrome. You don’t really mean it. And maybe you can’t understand that, but I do, so it’s up to me to be the responsible one.”

“You are adorably mistaken, wildflower. We’ve been giving you the space you need, but there wasn’t a single one of us who you hadn’t ensnared from day one. I can’t speak for the others, but I kept my distance because there is no future for us. All Death can bring is grief.”

I could see the war waging in her eyes. She wanted to believe me, but she simply couldn’t let go of this narrative she’d created. The one where she’d somehow trapped us into caring about her.

That was our fault.

My fault.

“Ask the others before you decide for them, but I need you to know one thing.”

Her brows lifted as she waited for me to continue.

“If there is any world where I can be close to you, even if it’s only a dream, I would choose it.”

“Grim—”

I stopped her with a press of my finger to her lips. “I mean it, wildflower. Knowing what it was like to touch you. Being able to call you mine... it was the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. No matter the cost.”

Her eyes searched mine, and I recognized the look of suspicion in them. She was looking for hints that all of this was false. That her spell was controlling me. Before I could do anything else to ease her fears, she took two steps away from me.

“I... I have to go,” she murmured, then bolted for the house, leaving me with the weight of my confession as my only company.