Page 40 of Caution to the Wind

It was more than that, though.

His gaze seemed to cut me open like a knife, like I was prone on a metal slab, and he was performing an emotional autopsy. There was nothing I could hide from him, no insecurity, no secret hope or hidden dream. Maybe love was that simple, to see and be seen. So simple and so impossibly complicated because I couldn’t bear for Henning to know what I knew now.

That I loved him.

Not tenderly, not softly like a song or a poem.

I loved him in all my dark places. In the way I would die for him, impaling myself on a sword intended for his side. In the way I would kill for him––a happy murder, a giggling death with blood on my teeth that tasted like love and sin.

What cruel, tragic irony that he should be so forbidden to me.

My best friend’s dad.

Sixteen years my senior.

We locked eyes with five yards between us that felt like an impossible chasm.

As quickly as I realized I would love him forever, I realized I would never have him.

Henning watched as my heart swelled and broke, a wave against the sheer rock of reality. He frowned, moving away from Cleo immediately, trying to come for me because he knew, in one look, in one moment, I was hurting.

I pressed a hand to my chest where my insides were rearranging themselves to fit around this love. This grief.

“Mei Zhen,” Lin said, reaching for my hand to give it a squeeze. Her dry, smooth skin grounded me. “Breathe, Mei Zhenette Raisinet.”

I grinned a little at the nickname. In Cantonese, you could add “ette” to the end of a given name as a nickname, and Lin had come up with the silly endearment years ago. Every birthday she even bought me a massive box of Raisinet candies. I breathed then, and it felt like the first breath after nearly drowning. Painful and sweet.

“Rocky,” Henning said, suddenly in front of me, so much taller than me I had to crane my neck back to meet his gaze. “You okay?”

No,I wanted to shout,I’m in love with you, and it feels like a prison sentence confined to solitary because you’ll never love me, too.

Instead, I smiled weakly. “I think the makeup’s making me nauseated.”

The concern in his expression fell away with a sharp bark of laughter. He slung an arm like a lasso around my shoulders to tug me into his front, holding me while that bright laughter rolled through his barrel chest. I let myself press my cheek to his sternum for a moment to clock the vibration and the knock of his heartbeat against my skin.

“You don’t need it,” he assured me, peering down at me with crinkled eyes and smile lines. “But you look damn beautiful.”

It was said so flippantly, so off-the-cuff I couldn’t doubt his sincerity.

“Thank you,” I said, embarrassed by the warmth I felt in my cheeks.

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush,” Cleo teased as she joined our little huddle.

I scowled. “Don’t get used to it.”

She grinned, holding her hands up in surrender. “God forbid Mei Zhen be soft and adorable.”

“Damn right,” I agreed, but some of Cleo’s sweetness seeped beneath my skin like anti-venom to battle the toxicity of my love and heartbreak. “No one ever called a dragon cute.”

“I think Cleo just did,” Henning quipped, his eyes shining with contentment as he stood huddled with his women.

I tried to ignore the resurgence of heat in my cheeks. “Whatever.”

Cleo and Henning shared a look at my expense, but it was filled with fondness.

“All right, then,” Lin declared, clapping her hands briskly as she bustled us back in front of the white hydrangea bush. “Let’s get a photo of the three of you.”

Henning gathered Cleo and me in each long arm, securing us to his side with a hand curved around our waists. I felt the heaviness of that strong hand burn through the thin satin of my dress, beneath my flesh and into my very bones. Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes, but I forced myself to blink them away and enjoy this moment.