Page 131 of Caution to the Wind

“You attacked him?” he sounded surprised, which kind of amazed me. If anyone knew how intense I could be, how foolish and violent anddumb, it was Axe-Man.

“Yeah. I tried to scratch his eyes out. It didn’t work, but I think he probably still has scars on his cheeks. I’ve always had strong nails, and I dug deep. Days later, I still had his flesh under my nails.”

I thought he’d condemn me, then. Call me crazy or something because, yeah, that would have been fair.

But instead, he shifted until he sat behind me, his bent legs splayed open but bracketing my hips. He wasn’t touching me, and I don’t think he could bring himself to give me that much comfort, but the heat and strength of his body at my back, a parenthesis around my waist, was more than enough.

Over the past eight years, I’d developed a habit of not breathing. Just holding my breath without conscious thought until suddenly I was gasping for air.

I wasn’t doing that as much now, living in Entrance.

And here in the dark womb of a room with Axe-Man, all I could sense, I felt like I could breathe freely for the first time in almost a decade.

“What did he do?” he finally asked.

When I didn’t answer immediately, he moved his legs a little closer, the crisp hair on his thick thighs and strong calves tickling my skin.

I sighed and released the rest of the poison.

“The neighbours, Dean and Tiffany Straith, heard the commotion and came over to make sure everything was okay. When I came to, Florent and Dean had me pinned on the floor, but I was still thrashing and shouting and sobbing. I remember my throat was in agony from the screaming, and I couldn’t seem to get enough air. The cops came, and paramedics sedated me.”

I trembled all over, unable to stop even when I dug my fingernails into my calves, trying to anchor myself with the pain. Only when Axe-Man leaned forward to press his chest against me like a warm, heavy blanket could I find the strength to carry on.

“When I woke up, Old Dragon wasn’t there a-and obviously, Daiyu––Mum––wasn’t there. It was just this horrible white and blue room with beeping machines and Florent standing beside my bed like he’d never sat down. The scratch marks on his cheek lookedblack,and the sight of them brought everything back. I started to cry. When I lifted my hand to wipe away a tear, I realized…” I sucked in such a large breath it ached in my lungs, burning. “I was handcuffed to the bed. Florent told me he was pressing charges against me for assault. T-that he was having me committed to a correctional facility.”

“It’s over.”

Dad’s voice echoed in my mind, trapped like a ball in a pinball machine, pinging off the walls of my skull.

It’s over.

Meaning my life as I knew it.

He had me committed.

In Canada, the only way to commit someone involuntarily was by authority of a doctor. Unfortunately, Florent Marchand donated to Rockyview Hospital every year and had been doing so for a decade.

So three days after Henning Axelsen was hauled away for murder and intent to distribute, I was getting out of the car at Ryerson Adolescent Correctional Facility.

In the dark of Axe-Man’s beautiful, homey lake cabin, tears rolled down my cheeks and dripped down my knees.

But my voice was clear when I continued, “I had my eighteenth birthday there. I wasn’t allowed contact with anyone outside, and no one could visit unless they were on the approved list. Obviously, Florent didn’t allow any, so I was alone.”

My shudder was so violent it threw Axe-Man off my back. He pressed closer, wrapped those quilted arms around me, one across my belly and the other diagonally over my chest like a seat belt. It was a secure hold. I felt pinned to him, but not in a threatening way. More pinned like a barnacle to a rock, seeking stability and safe harbour from the crashing waves.

I took a moment to focus on the feel of him breathing and matched my tempo to his. Slowly, my muscles relaxed until I sagged against him.

“How long?” he finally rasped, but I couldn’t read anything in his tone.

“I got out that fall. Jiang found me and paid the doctors off to release me without Florent’s permission under the condition we would work together moving forward. Old Dragon contacted him through some old friends and arranged the whole thing, because he didn’t have enough pull on his own to get me out. I enrolled at the University of British Columbia that January. Daiyu left me money, or else I wouldn’t have managed. Old Dragon was the one who picked me up, and we drove west together. I never spoke to Florent again.”

“I’m shocked he allowed that.”

“Yeah, well…” I tried to shrug, but he held me too tightly. “I registered under Mei Zhen Lung, and it took him a while to find me. I don’t know if you remember, but I wanted to go to U of T, so when he wanted to find me, he started on the East Coast. He showed up once.” A grey day because there were lots of grey days in the Pacific Northwest. He’d forgotten an umbrella, and rain dripped from his nose and lashes. I’d had the startling thought that we actually did look alike in the shape of the mouth and the square jaw. “He was contrite, a bit. Not enough. But he tried to make it seem like I owed it to him to accept his logic. He tried to make it seem like I graduated at the top of my class because he’d separated me from my vices.”

“From me.”

“Yes.”