Page 123 of Caution to the Wind

“There’s been a change of plan, boys,” she purred into the microphone as she stalked toward centre stage. “The groom is ending the night with a private show from hisfavouritestripper. Unfortunately, it’s private, so you’ll all have to get lost.” There was a chorus of groans, but she held a hand up to ask for silence, which she immediately received. “Thankfully, I’m a gracious bride, so all of you have lovely ladies waiting in private rooms for you. Those of you with Old Ladies might just find somethin’ sexy and familiar inside of yours.”

Nova whooped, already standin’ up and makin’ his way to the back of the club. “Which one’s my Flower Child in?”

Harleigh Rose laughed. “Name’s are on the doors. Happy dancin’, boys. Now make yourself scarce.”

“Fuckin’ wait ’til I get outta ’ere,” Zeus shouted as he covered his eyes and made his way through the tables. When the music swelled, “Born to Be Wild” blarin’ through the speakers, he cursed and hightailed it outta there.

Lion laughed, his face broke open with joy as he got up to take a seat closer to the stage. It made somethin’ fuckin’ ache in my chest seein’ that connection, knowin’ it was one I’d never had ’cause Kate and I had saved each other, but we’d never beeninlove.

Not like the love that transfixed Lion to Harleigh Rose movin’ for him on that stage.

Moved by somethin’ I didn’t want to explain, I didn’t go into the back rooms lookin’ for one of the pretty Lotus flowers to entertain me.

I got on the back of my bike and rode up the mountain roads to my house on Lake Mead.

MEI

All The Fallenbrothers and their women were occupied that night with Lion’s bachelor party, but Cleo wasn’t up to something like that, so we stayed in the cabin with Lin for a girls’ night. We did Korean facemasks, Lin braided Cleo’s hair, I drew funny caricatures of them both just to hear them giggle and exclaim over how bad they looked, and we feasted on ice cream mochi and sour gummies. It was the kind of night I hadn’t had in years, even toward the end of my time in Calgary because I’d been so busy helping Old Dragon take care of Mum and then visiting her in hospice that I hadn’t made much time for fun.

As the old fortune teller Madame Cheung had told me, I’d been too focused on death and the dark.

Those things would always occupy a part of my mental landscape because revenge and justice were integral to who I was, but being back with the Axelsens in Entrance reminded me how important it was to prioritize joy too.

When was the last time I’d snuggled up on a comfy couch with a best friend, too many snacks, and a marathon ofAvatar: The Last Airbenderepisodes to binge?

“Do you miss Daiyu?” Cleo asked me at one point, tucked under a cream blanket she’d knit out of chunky wool.

Her feet were in my lap, and I absentmindedly cracked her toes, making her squirm.

“Every day,” I said baldly.

Lin had gone home, and Cleo was basically half asleep, the room dark around us but for the flickering lights of the television. It made everything seem womb-like, Cleo and I sisters in a safe place.

“Yeah,” she whispered back. “I miss Mum every day, too.”

“I’m glad you have The Fallen,” I told her, not for the first time. “It’s cool that you have this huge family who really cares about you.”

Her lips twisted, then softened. “No, you’re right. I’ve been feeling a little smothered lately, but I can’t imagine my life without every single one of them. Even brothers like Skell, who’s kind of a jerk, or Lab-Rat, who’s always high. It’s like no matter how bad life gets, we all know we will keep each other safe.”

I swallowed thickly before I could find my voice. That was all I’d ever wanted.

Seeing something in my face that gave me away, Cleo made a soothing noise in the back of her throat and pushed her toes under my thigh. “You’re here, now. You can be part of all of this, too.”

“I’ll only stay until you’re back on your feet.”

“But don’t you get it? You don’t have to. I know you came for me. And for Lin. And Dad, no matter what’s happened between you, but there are even more reasons to stay. I guess I didn’t realize until the past couple of weeks how alone you’ve been, Rocky. How come no one is ever texting you to check in? Where are your friends calling you to arrange a visit? Why do I get the sense you’ve been in some kind of self-imposed isolation since you left us last?”

Because I deserved it, I wanted to say, but didn’t because even thinking the words hurt. Because I let down the only family I ever had.

Daiyu, in her last moments.

Axe-Man and therefore Cleo and Lin.

Even Florent, who I hadn’t spoken to in years and never would again, had been so fucking disappointed in me.

“Oh Mei,” Cleo breathed, shifting awkwardly so she sat beside me, resting the whole length of her side against mine, her casted leg propped up on the coffee table. She rested her head on my shoulder and grabbed my hand. “Will you ever stop beating yourself up about what happened?”

“I don’t think so. I think I’ll be sorry forever.”