Page 104 of Caution to the Wind
“You know he’s gay,” I managed to choke out, trying to maintain my dignity but unable to because fuck, he was terrifying.
But even more than that, he was arousing.
It was wrong to be so seduced by the sight of a large man, shaking with the restraint of holding his anger inside, but there was something about it. The contrast, maybe, between the awesome nature of that rage and his ironclad control of it.
I wondered what that viciousness and restraint might do in other contexts, and my nipples pebbled obviously beneath my thin black tank top.
“I don’t know shit. He could be bi, he could be pan, he could be whatever the fuck, Mei. The question is, are you sleeping with this motherfucker who almost ruined your goddamn life? Why the hell did I go away if you were just going to join up with the fuckin’ Seven Song, huh?”
“No one asked you to martyr yourself for me,” I snapped. “I told you it was my mess, and I was happy to take the heat. I was a minor. I would’ve gotten two years tops for killing Kang Li, and I could’ve claimed self-defence.”
“You were eighteen in six months. If you think they wouldn’t’ve pushed for you to get the max after bein’ involved in triad and biker gang warfare, you’re even stupider than you were at seventeen. And if you’d gone down in that mess, you would’ve missed your last days with your mum. You think I was down with that happenin’?”
He couldn’t have known that I’d missed those last days anyway, but his comment broke the last of my restraint. I’d been living with this anger toward the world, but mostly myself, for so long that only a thin barrier separated me from its chaos.
“Oh, fuck you!” I shouted, storming forward to poke a hand in his hard chest. “You have no clue who I am now, and don’t pretend you give a shit. Is your hero complex wounded that I didn’t turn into the fancy medical doctor I wanted to be when I was young so I could live out your dreams of medicine too? Are you pissed I’m not married or some shit already with two-point-five kids and a fucking white picket fence? Because if you are, then you’re even stupider than you were at thirty-three. I wasnevergoing to end up as society’s ideal. Florent’s ideal. And you more than anyone should know that because that was one of the things we had in common.”
“I don’t give a single fuck you aren’t a doctor,” he bit out, shoving his axe back into the sheath on his belt so he could take me by the shoulders and shake me gently. “I give a fuck you’re still fuckin’ suicidal hangin’ out with the wrong goddamn crowds. And why? Why the ever-lovin’ fuck would you be invitin’ Jiang Kuan into your room for a cozy midnight chat, huh? If Rooster was still alive, I’d be checkin’ for him hidin’ in your fuckin’ closet.”
I glared up at him pugnaciously, chin jutted forward like a dare. “It’s none of your business.”
It was. In fact, it couldn’t have beenmorehis business because it was for him. Always for him and for Cleo.
Axe-Man’s bearded jaw worked hard as he chewed his anger into smaller pieces. “If you’ve stayed friends with him over some mis-fuckin’-guided attempt to get justice for Kate, I swear to fuckin’ God, Mei, I’ll turn you over my knee and tan your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a goddamnyear.”
“I’m not a child anymore,Axe-Man,” I sneered, shoving at him with two hands.
He didn’t even budge.
“You think I’d threaten to spank you if you were?” he asked, his voice so dark, so rich, it felt like black velvet tied around my throat just a little too tight.
The palpable vibration of fury between us seemed to fluctuate into something different, a little heavier, a lot more electric. It felt as if there was a current of power strung between his chest and mine, and if we weren’t very, very careful, one or both of us might combust.
“You think you can scare me into doing what you want?” I hissed. “Because I hate to break it to you, Mr. Big and Bad, but you don’t scare me at all.”
“Oh yeah?” His voice was stuck somewhere in his throat, guttural in a way that made my belly swoop. “That’s ’cause you were used to dealin’ with a softer man. There ain’t nothin’ soft about me now, and you’d do well to remember it.”
“Or what?” Giddiness and desire so fierce they wereviolentsurged through me. I was shaking slightly, filled with an excess of energy that needed some place to go. “You wouldn’t hurt a fly if it wasn’t threatening you or yours.”
“Yeah,” he agreed easily, eyes so bright a turquoise they seemed to shine with unholy light. I was so lost in them, it took a moment for the cruelty of his words to sink in. “But youarea threat. The biggest threat I’ve faced in eight years.”
My face spasmed with pain before I could curb it, and I reverted to that seventeen-year-old Mei I’d sworn was dead and buried. It was just that anger was so much easier to feel than hurt. “Fuck you, Henning.”
My hand lashed out for his cheek without conscious direction from my brain. I was fast; I’d trained my whole life to be so, but Axe-Man still caught me neatly at the wrist and, in a flash, had my hand twisted behind my back, his body pressed up against mine and his mouth at my ear.
“I told you not to call me that. Don’t fuck with me, Mei,” he growled, his breath hot against my neck, making me shiver and then shiver again so hard I bit my lip. “You don’t want to push me.”
I threw my head back, hoping to catch him in the teeth, but he dodged me enough that I only connected with the edge of his jaw, the blow softened by his thick beard.
“I think I do,” I taunted, grinding my ass back into his groin until he hissed and pulled his hips back. But not before I felt the telltale bulge of an aroused cock. “Why? You think I can’t handle you?”
I wasn’t sure what we were really talking about anymore. It had devolved from trash talk into something filthier, something that made my womb clench and my thighs tremble. That big, powerful body curled over mine, holding me still, was enough to make me shamefully, ridiculously wet. I could feel the dampness seep through my underwear into my spandex workout shorts.
When you’ve wanted someone for half your life, the single touch of his hand on your skin could light a bonfire in your soul.
“You fuck around with me long enough, you’ll find out.”
“Is that a dare?” I practically purred, but there was that edge of violence still curled in my belly. A kind of anger and desperation that made me want to fuck him as well as fight. I wanted to rail against him for shunning me and eat him alive after years of hungering for him. “Because you know I’ve never been able to resist a good dare.”