Page 116 of Caution to the Wind

“Yes,” I said slowly, suspiciously.

“So do I,” he said easily, opening his scarred hands to show me his palms as if to prove he wasn’t hiding anything. “I’m thinkin’ we can help each other in that.”

“Oh yeah? How’s that?” I asked, an edge to my voice I couldn’t curb.

His lips twitched in his beard. “You tell me why the hell you’d pretend to date Jiang Kuan––the truth of it––and I’ll protect ya from the Seven Song triad even if Axe-Man doesn’t like it.”

I gaped at him for a moment before I snapped my jaw shut. “Why the hell would you do that?”

Another lip twitch. He tugged on his beard to cover it up. “’Cause I’m a man ruled by my gut, and it’s tellin’ me you got more goin’ on than you’re sayin’. It’s tellin’ me that when a man acts like a bastard after a girl’s bein’ beat, it’s ’cause he’s beatin’ himself up for lettin’ her get that way. You got history with a brother’a mine, which means you got history with me.”

“It’s bad history,” I clarified as if he was a moron.

This time, he straight out laughed. From the belly, head thrown back, tanned throat working. I figured I could understand how Loulou fell in love with him at seventeen. And it wasn’t just because he was gorgeous. He was being genuinely kind to me when I hadn’t realized how close I was to falling apart. A few nice words were the equivalent of Band-Aids over bullet holes, but at that point, anything helped.

“Only bad ’cause at one point, there was a helluva lotta love there,” he surmised. “Honestly? All that’s icin’. You’re a woman in trouble, and that’s reason enough for me and mine to protect ya, yeah?”

I shrugged weakly, both because it hurt to do so and because I felt utterly raw and vulnerable sitting in what must have been Axe-Man’s enormous bed, wearing what I was just realizing was one of Axe-Man’s old Street Ink tees, being seen by the keen eyes of President Zeus Garro. I felt like all the hurt I’d harboured inside for so many years had been brought to the surface, both literally and figuratively, by the triad’s beating. Like I wore the story of my life on my skin, but unlike with my tattoos, I hadn’t been the voice telling the story.

“You know about how Axe-Man’s wife died?” I asked softly, staring at my hands. There was a long cut through the symbol forfaiththat made it impossible to read.

“Yeah, only Bat and me, but Priest won’t breathe a word.”

“Then you probably know I tried to get into the Centre Street Crowd in Calgary so I could get information on the people who killed Kate. I’d overheard my grandfather and Axe-Man talking about Seven Song, and I remembered Kate murmuring their name when she was dying. Anyway, after everything happened in Calgary, Jiang found me sometime later and offered me a trade. I pretended to be his girlfriend, and he’d get me information about the real man who’d ordered the hit on Kate.”

Bat cursed under his breath, shook his head, and gave in to the urge to say, “Axe-Man would lose his ever-lovin’-fuckin’ mind if he knew that shit, Mei. You wanna get killed tryin’ to avenge a death that happened over a decade ago? How do you even know Jiang isn’t jerkin’ you around, and Seven Songwerethe ones to order the hit?”

“I can’t know for sure, obviously, but it seems clear Jiang had no knowledge of it if it was Seven Song. Being close to him meant I could snoop around Kasper and the higher-ups without suspicion. Jiang doesn’t have any reason to lie to me, not when our arrangement means we trust each other and keep each other’s confidences, or we die. Besides, it wasn’t just about avenging Kate at that point,” I tried to explain, feeling so miserable I was nauseated by it. By myself and my everlasting stupidity. I felt so often like my heart was in the right place, but I could never seem to make the right choices despite that.

I squeezed my eyes shut against the burn of tears and opened them when words burst from my mouth with unnecessary ferocity, “It was about getting redemption for what I’d done to Axe-Man and Cleo and Lin, too.”

The silence that followed had texture, a roughness that abraded my sensitive, bruised skin until it made me want to whimper.

Finally, Zeus cleared his throat and rested a paw lightly on my calf. “I get you’re a strong woman, so you might not like me sayin’ this, but it’s gotta be said. Have you ever thought’a askin’ for forgiveness instead’a fightin’ for it?”

“How can I ask when I haven’t earned it yet?” I countered.

Zeus stared at me for a long moment, Bat and Priest quiet but attentive, reading whatever I was trying desperately to hide beneath my skin.

It was Bat who said, “Not sure I ever met anyone who matched Axe-Man for stubbornness.”

“He’s stubborn; I’m stubborn. It’s always been a little complicated,” I admitted.

Zeus and Bat laughed at that, which made my stomach settle a bit. It was just nice to make people laugh, especially in the wake of my confession.

“Please, don’t tell him,” I asked, even though I doubted they’d agree to it.

I was no one. Axe-Man was their brother.

“I won’t,” Zeus said immediately, and then, at my startled expression, his lip curled. “For now. But you will, Mei, or I’ll do it for ya. Now, tell me what information Jiang’s given ya on the Red Dragons.”

“Why?”

“I gotta feelin’ we can’t stop you from carryin’ on in your mission unless we lock you in a fuckin’ tower, yeah?” When I nodded reluctantly, he grinned. “Well, I got a wife, five kids, and a club to run, so I don’t got the time to guard ya like a dragon. Besides, I think Axe-Man’s got that role handled. I figure if you’re gonna throw yourself into trouble, someone’s gotta have your back, so it might as well be the club. You’re not the only one who wants to give Axe-Man some fuckin’ peace.”

“So let me get this straight,” I said slowly. “You’re not only going to keep my secret from Axe-Man, you’re going to actively help me take down the Red Dragons to avenge Kate even though Axe-Man would flip if he knew we were doing this?”

“We’re a fuckin’ biker club, Mei, not a goddamn nunnery. You think we’re opposed to a little good old-fashioned revenge?” Zeus asked with a smile as sharp as a knife’s edge.