Page 244 of Burn Bright

The instructions confuse me. Maybe because I’m staring atSpanish.Hurriedly, I flip the paper over to the English directions. I reread the same line four fucking times, but the typed black font isn’t processing. Teardrops wet the paper.

People leaving me is nothing new.

Sunny, my drum instructor, left me without a note.

My father left me without a goodbye.

My mother left me by shoving me out the door.

So is it any wonder that I accepted Ben leaving me too? In the end, I relegated this loss as a commonplace part of my life. Familiar. Routine.

Now, I’d give anything for him to come back.

A knock sounds on the door. “Just let me know you’re okay.” It’s Beckett.

“Yeah.” A broken noise breeches my lips.

He jiggles the knob. “Let me in.”

I unlock the door. “I can’t read it.” I can’t see him past the film of tears. “I’m?—”

Beckett immediately pulls me into a hug, and I release a wounded sound against his chest. I’m muttering, “I don’t want to do this without him. I can’t lose him. We have to find him.We have to find him.”

“Shhh,” Beckett coos. “Take some breaths.” The way he holds the back of my head, I pretend he’s Ben.

I pretend Ben never really left. That he’s here with me, and I calm down enough to pull back, rub at my eyes, and read the instructions.

“I can do this,” I choke out to myself. “I can do this.”

My phone buzzes.

I scramble, patting my hip-clip, and I think,Ben.Forgetting that he doesn’t have a phone.

Xander

I heard Ben is MIA. He just told me hours ago he was planning to drop out of MVU, but I didn’t think he’d leave tonight. Did you know? I feel like shit. If you need to talk, I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry.

I send back a quick text to chat later and that I feel just as guilty. Because I knew too. “It’s Xander Hale,” I explain to Beckett when I reattach my phone.

“He just found out about Ben,” Beckett guesses, unsurprised. Off my frown, he clarifies, “Xander is usually one of the last to get information in our family.” I wonder if this has to do with Xander’s self-harm.

“You’re one of the first?” I ask.

He presses his shoulders to the door. “Not even close. Everyone is aware I’m largely inaccessible because of ballet. Charlie knows more than I do, always.”

“He’s really in Prague?”

“Really,” Beckett nods, his gaze falling in sorrow. “I can read you the instructions if you need help.”

My neck heats. “I’ve got it. I think it’s probably uncomplicated. Pee on a stick. Wait a handful of minutes. Learn whether or not your brother knocked me up.” I try to joke, but it lands like a dinky water balloon that rolls away and never bursts.

“First brother to fall in love, first to get a girl pregnant,” Beckett says.

“And Ben thinks he’s not winning awards in the Cobalt fam.” This joke hits.

Beckett smiles. It almost nudges up my lips.

He nods to me. “You want me to wait with you?”