Page 118 of Burn Bright

I come so suddenly.

My whole body arches up into his chest as the orgasm ripples through me. His palm tightens over my lips to shelter as many noises as he can. Tendons strain in his neck as he controls himself from coming. To be honest, I wouldn’t even be able to hear footsteps. Not over the ringing pulse in my ears.

It takes seemingly minutes to gather oxygen in my lungs. He peels his hand off my mouth, then slips his fingers out of me.

I’m propped on my elbows, unable to fully catch my breath.

He’s on his knees, the blanket falling a little bit. I watch him palm his hard length over his sweats, but he’s scrutinizing me, maybe to make sure I’m okay.

I’m scared. Because… “What…what was that?” I almostcroakout, then wipe the residual wet streaks from the corners of my eyes.

His Adam’s apple bobs, and he shakes his head.

“Is this how intense it always is with you?” I whisper. “Do I need a defibrillator on standby?”

He cracks a smile that fades too fast. “It’s not usually…that’s a first for me, Fisher.” He seems afraid too. This was just supposed to be a quickie. A friend helping a friend out. He was doing me a solid. Granting me a long-lost orgasm. Instead, he served a side dish of emotional turmoil, and I must be a masochist because I don’t think I want to send it back.

26

BEN COBALT

Yeah, I’m out of my fucking mind. Because my feelings for Harriet are so raw, I couldn’t evenspeakwhile I had my fingers inside her. I choked out words against her ear. She only let out these cute little raspyfucks. Her scowl melted into this overcome expression I’ll engrain in my head forall fucking time. All her guards, all her defenses dropped into this fragile surprise.

The emotion stunned her as much as it obliterated me. It took everything not to take her all the way. My throbbing cock strains against my sweatpants now, and my breath sounds more ragged because I’m terrified to love her and leave her.

I’ve never been in love in my life, and of course this is happening to me now. Maybe it’s been slowly, imperceptibly happening for longer than this moment. Love probably isn’t a flip of a switch. It’s not a malady contracted overnight. Beckett would say I’ve been diseased, and didn’t I ask to be?

Didn’t I want to roll around in this feeling with her?

Yeah.

I’m already going to leave five siblings who I love more than planet Earth.

What’s one more love lost?

I pinch my eyes that try to well. “Sorry,” I breathe.

She shakes her head now. “It’s a lot…I get it.” She’s never felt this before either, but I can’t change the expiration date…it needs to stay. For my family. She glances around, making sure no one is creeping, before she whispers, “Thanks for the orgasm, Cobalt boy.”

I try to smile but end up just nodding to her. I want to hold Harriet, to remind her that I’m here. Right now.

Bending closer, I lift her in my arms and bring her higher up the pull-out. I place her head on a pillow.

Harriet eases into the mattress, and this tranquil, teeny-tiny smile tics up her lips. It’s a new one that I drink in and treasure.

I’m grateful that none of my brothers needed a glass of water or a midnight snack. Tonight, with her, was worth the risk, and I wouldn’t take it back.

Under the sheets, we lie on our sides, and I curl my arms around her small frame, drawing her back into my chest. She burrows against me and clutches my forearm. Everything about us is so natural, I’d almost think we’ve been together for years.

I wish we had been.

She yawns, exhaustion tugging her. I stroke sweaty blonde hair out of her face, behind her ear, and I rest my chin on her head. Feeling her body slacken against me is untensing my muscles.

I just need to stop revisiting her full-body convulsion when she climaxed. If that’s how she reacts with my fingers, I wonder what it’d be like if I—Jesus. Not tonight, Ben.

Maybe not ever.

I blink away that thought.