Page 193 of Burn Bright

“I…” I intake a sharp, hiccupping breath.

I think I loved this too much.

I think I love you.

It hits me so suddenly and so hard. I start crying right here. Right now.

“Harriet…” He pulls me into his chest as I quake in full-body sobs. He presses comforting, warm, loving kisses into my hair. He holds me so securely, so possessively, like he’ll never release his clutch, and for a moment, I make-believe that he never will.

44

BEN COBALT

I’d never call having sex with Harriet a mistake. Not for a single second. But it’s impossible not to feel the repercussions of it.

We’re in the shower together, and I can’t believe I’m going to leave this. Her. It throttles me how I might be wrong. Couldleavingbe worse than staying? It’s a question I don’t have the answer to, which makes me agonize over it even more.

The blue glow from the LED lights basks a calm hue on Harriet. Water drips down her eyelashes, and I rub shampoo into her hair. She lets me—which is a shock in itself. I thought after she stopped crying on the pull-out, she might want to push me away forever.

I can’t discern exactly what has her so upset, but I can make some educated guesses. Still, I’d rather calm her down to where she’s ready to share than badger her for answers when she’s too torn up to. But yeah, Harriet sobbing after I slept with her—not a great feeling.

Is it because I won’t be sticking around?Maybe.Part of me wants to tell her, “I’m on the fence about the future.” But I’mscared to be wishy-washy, even if my head is like a fucking pirate ship on rocky seas.

Fuck, I wish I could figure how to tell her where I might be without compromising the plan. I can’t risk my family finding me if I go through with it. I’m just trying to protect them. If I cause anything else terrible to happen to them…I can’t. I can’t even allow myself to think it.

My panic will escalate, so I breathe out and focus on her.

Harriet.

She’s right in front of me.

Here. Now.

Her back to me, I skate my fingers through her hair, rinsing out some of the shampoo for her. I asked if she wanted to take a shower with me. She could’ve rejected me, curled up in the sheets, cursed me out forever.

Instead, I get the chance to comfort her. To make this better.

Her silence is eating at me just as much as her tears did. “I’m sorry,” I breathe out. “If I made you feel this way…”

She whirls around, her glare still cute but it splinters in places. “No, you’ve been upfront with me.” She brushes water out of her eyes. “I shouldn’t have cried?—”

“You can cry,” I say. “I want to know how you feel, and if that’s how you feel, you can let it out.”

Harriet holds my waist. She’s not crossing her arms. That’s good. I see her thinking before she says, “It was the sex.”

I wrack my brain. “The sex brought you to distraught tears?” That’s…notgood. “Did I hurt you?” My chest tightens. I thought I went slow enough.

“No, the sex wasthe best, Ben.” Her reddened eyes carry so much emotion. I clasp her cheek, then cradle her head as she strains her neck. Not wanting her to look away from me. “I’ve never felt anything like it, and then knowing you’re leaving soon…it just got to me. But I’ll get over it.”

A knot is in my ribs. Do I want her to get over it? Get over me? I know I’ll never get over her. I pull Harriet against me in a hug, my hand cupping the back of her skull. She rests her cheek against my chest and hangs on to my build.

“It was the best for me too,” I whisper to her. We take some breaths together, and I sense her body relaxing against mine. When we pull back, I peel a wet tendril of hair off her jaw.

She bites at the corner of her lip, her eyes drifting down to my cock. She’s been doing that since we got in the shower, which I’ve learned is one of my biggest turn-ons with Harriet, but I’m hesitant to start another round right now. Not when she’s been so fractured.

“Can we start over, Cobalt boy?” Harriet asks with a stiff shrug.

“Depends on how far over.” I push my wet hair back and angle the showerhead away from her. She’s being pelted with water.