Page 235 of Burn Bright

“And eat everything inside, probably.”

I want to laugh, to smile, but I just look deeper at Xander.Please take care of her.I wipe the heel of my palm against my cheek as tears drip.

“Ben?” Xander touches my bicep.

“I’m okay.” I nod to myself a lot and run my tongue over my molars. The loss of Harriet is slamming into me before I’ve even let her go. I have to pinch my eyes to stop the waterworks. I’m on my feet. Needing to go inside and—I don’t know—cry in the fucking shower?

Xander stands, and before he says anything, I hug him goodbye. “Thanks,” I say from my core, trying to breathe. I start walking away, rubbing at my tear-streaked cheeks.

“Ben!” Xander catches up to me.

I stop and turn my agonized face toward his empathetic amber eyes. His chest collapses in a deep breath. “I hope you know something,” he says, very quietly. “I’d rather sit on this rooftop with you for a billion years than not have you in this world at all.” The memory of us at thirteen comes sweeping back. The bathroom. The lake house. “I never forgot what you told me. It helped me that night…and maybe it’ll help you too. Because you belong in this world. Shit, if anyone does from our families, it’s the eco-friendly vegan with a heart made of sustainable material.”

It makes me laugh.

He smiles a little more, but he’s uncertain. He knows I’m not okay. I know this all sucks, but this is the only way I can protect them.

I have to go. “I think you and Harriet will always be friends.”

He intakes a pained breath. “Ben, don’t?—”

“I’m not dying,” I assure. “I’m considering moving out of the city. Living somewhere else. I think maybe nature will be good, you know?”

He nods, then rapidly shakes his head. “No, man, I don’t understand.”

“I’m going to drop out of MVU. I haven’t told my parents or my siblings yet.”

Xander frowns. “Does Harriet know?”

I nod a few times, tears trying to surge again. She doesn’t know it’s happening soon, but she will tonight. My eyes blister.

It dawns on Xander—this is why I’m crushed. “Why are you leaving? New York isn’t even that bad. There’s not as many paparazzi like back in Philly with our parents. All your brothers are here. You even said Charlie stopped being an ass. Nature can’t be better.”

It’s not.“I think it’s what I need.”

Xander expels a heavy sigh.

“Keep an eye on her for me?”

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, shaking his head like he’s stepped into another dimension. “Yeah, I will.” I turn to go as he speaks. “You never said why you were up here.”

“I was just looking at the lights.”

One last time.

53

BEN COBALT

Harriet flings open the door right as a timer goes off. “Shit, come in!” She races into her kitchen where she left her phone. I shut the door behind me, my stomach tightening when I notice Netflix popped on the TV, my favorite fig bars plated on the coffee table, along with bowls of corn chips and homemade guac.

“Having a party, Fisher?” I try to keep my voice lighthearted. This is the first time we’ve seen each other since last night—the night of the frat.

“With a microscopic invite list. Just me and you, Friend.” Her back faces me while she opens the oven. She has on a flowy, red plaid mini-dress over a black long-sleeve top. Everything about her, I find beautiful.

Of course, tonight is no different. Being around Harriet, I ache to curve my arms around her small frame, lift her in my arms, clasp her head and kiss her breathless.

“I’m working on convincing Eden to spend the night at her boyfriend’s place. She’s there now,” Harriet says, pulling out a baking sheet of pizza bites, likely the vegan kind I keep in thefreezer at my brothers’ apartment. “If I succeed, then you can stay over until like nine in the morning.”