Page 234 of Burn Bright

I fully expect him to retreat inside. If the ice is melting between us, it’s on a slow drip because I still feel the chill at Board Game Club, during class, and family functions.

He steps on the roof and lets the door shut behind him. Maybe he’ll sit five-hundred feet away from me. I didn’t choose an interesting spot. My ass is on the hard concrete in the middle of the roof, and I’ve been leaning back on my palms.

Xander signs in ASL on his phone. Then hangs up and comes over to me. Yeah, I am dumbstruck at this point. Unable to speak. I recognize he has no bodyguard shadowing him.

“Don’t freak. I’m not going to jump.” He drops down beside me, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his black hoodie. “Are you?” His amber eyes touch mine, and I see he’s serious.

I bend forward. “I considered flying actually.” I hold my knees loosely. “How far you think I’ll make it?”

“Too many buildings. You’ll hit one at some point.” His silver hoop earring glints in the flickering city light. “But I’m also not the glass half-full guy. Ask someone else, and they’ll say you’ll reach Neverland.” He blows on his cupped hands, the chilly temperature dropping as December nears. “I come up here sometimes just to get away. It’s one of the only places I can go without people staring at me. Plus, this whole building is like a fortress. No one is going to Spider-Man their way up here, and if they do, then maybe I will jump.” He adds fast, “Joking.”

“I knew you were.” I glance at his phone he placed on the ground. He has a friend who goes to Yale and is hard of hearing. They met in prep school, and I knew of Spencer Sadler when I’d been there. Mostly because I had a class with her.

I smile over at him. “You learned ASL for a girl.”

“You joined a geeky ass board game club for a girl.”

I laugh.Yeah.I did do that. I’d do so much for Harriet Fisher. Except stay in New York. The laughter drifts to silence. I think that hurts the most because I know it’s the one thing she wants, and I can’t give it to her.

He hunches forward, his elbows on his knees. “You two are officially together, aren’t you?”

Yeah, we have been,butI’m about to change everything.“You heard our family talking about it?” I guess.

“Way before then, I knew, man.” He gives me a look. “You were wearing her bracelets. She has a fucking necklace in French. You flirt hard-core. I’m not that dense.”

“You’re not dense at all. It’s just more complicated.”

“Why?”

Oh, I don’t know…I won’t be here tomorrow, Xander. I’ll never see you again either, and by the way, I’m not going tomake the Ovid presentation.I scratch the back of my head, unable to release a single word. It all just hurts.

Xander sees. “I’m pretty sure she loves you, you know. Harriet. If she hasn’t already told you yet. She’s cool, so if I were you, I wouldn’t screw it up.”

My stomach tightens.

“No pressure,” he says more softly, sighing at himself. Then he unpockets a box of SweeTarts. “I mean, if I were you, Iliterallywould never fuck-up. Being gregarious, extroverted, likeable is like hitting the social lottery.”

“So is being considered one of the most beautiful people on the planet.”

“Too bad I’m ugly on the inside.” He tosses a SweeTart in his mouth.

I smile wider, liking the jokes. “We’re self-deprecating hard tonight.”

“It’s what I’m good at.” He chews on the candy more slowly. “Kinney told me everything about the frat last night.” His little sister is best friends with Audrey.

I slip my cold hands into my dark blue winter jacket. “Yeah, it wasn’t a good time. Be glad you weren’t there.”

“Our little sisters are nuts.” He shakes more candy in his palm. “They take the wildest risks imaginable.”

“She thought she could trust Kappa because of me.”

Xander lets out a sharp noise. “The whole frat?” His face contorts in thought. “Ben, I know you looked out for the girls when I didn’t, but they’d feel like dogshit if you took any blame for their mistakes. I’m almost positive Audrey knows it washerdecision that caused the downward spiral of events.”

It was actually mine.

It all leads back to me. It always does.

I don’t want to alarm him, so I just nod and stare at the SweeTarts in his palm. “You and Harriet could open a candy shop.”