Page 206 of Burn Bright

“I’m okay.” He nestles a kiss in my hair. “I’m okay.” With each word, his pulse begins to slow, and I ease with the sound.

In the morning, Eliot has no recollection of what happened. He jokes it away, says he must’ve drank more than he realized, and Tom is upset no one woke him.

“Don’t sleep with music blaring. Problem solved,” Charlie retorts.

“Harry will wake me up next time,” Tom notes.

“Don’t press your luck,Tommy.”

I am secretly over-enthused at being considered for a tomorrow before tomorrow even arrives. And tomorrow does come.

On Sunday, I string together beads on Ben’s couch. I make a choker necklace for Son of Ben with block letters that spell outCobalt Empire.The stuffed lion cub has to rock the family name.

Ben angles his laptop toward me while we watchJawbreaker.My rec.

Charlie is on his way out the door when he says, “If you didn’t dump all your cash into the mysterious land of Oz, maybe you could’ve taken your girlfriend on an actual date.”

Ben glares.

“Don’t listen to him,” I say as Charlie exits. “I just like being deep under the iceberg with you, Friend.”

His smile slowly crawls over his face. “Feeling hypothermic yet?” he teases.

“I fear we have a greater risk of you boiling our water.” I nearly shriek when he picks me up in his arms.

By Monday, I should most definitelygo back to my own apartment. My grades aren’t in threat of slipping, but I’m paying for a couch, too. Except, he’s where I want to be late at night, when darkness falls and I’m left with whirling, happy thoughts of him.

I cave and end up with Ben.

Late, past one a.m., Eliot tosses a condom at us, and Ben and I crack up laughing under the sheets. Mostly because we stopped using condoms.

When he’s gone, we naturally shift to our sides. The plan is tosleep,but heat ratches up as our bodies meld. As he holds me. Then his hand travels down my stomach and between my legs while he kneads my breast with the other.

He’s toying with me. It feelsso good.I forget about being in a public space. I forget about everything except how much I love his wandering, ravaging hands. When I shudder, his palm flies up to my lips, but he’s now slipped his fingers beneath my panties. He cages my cries and makes me come against him.

I want to offer the same release for Ben. He’sveryhard, but he shakes his head and whispers against my ear, “That was for you and for me.”

“Such a giver,” I whisper.

He laughs hard. “You have no idea.”

“Oh I think I do, Cobalt boy.” I burrow back into his embrace. Never,everthought I’d be a girl who enjoysspooning, but being tucked inside his carved biceps is like being strapped in a steel-fortified vessel. It’s like knowing no danger will meet me. No fall will kill me.

I feel so very loved.

And I easily begin to drift to sleep—only to wake to quiet footsteps. We aren’t fooling around anymore, but the second I catch sight ofBeckettin the kitchen, I freak and go deep-sea diving into the mattress. Flinging the quilt over my head. Pretending his brother didn’t see me right up against Ben.

Does this look worse? Like I’m giving Ben a blow job?

Too late now, Harriet.

Ben is laughing though. He thinks it’s hilarious that out of all his brothers, Beckett intimidates me the most when that title should go to Charlie. Maybe for him that’s true, but Beckett is the most protective of Ben, which I’ve realized means I care more about his opinion of me. Whereas Charlie is just a loose cannon who pushes Ben’s buttons.

On Tuesday, I fully intend to crash onmycouch. Mine. Then after Board Game Club, I find myself once again at Ben’s apartment. I left a change of clothes here. Even some toiletries. I am nothing if notprepared, but it also makes it very easy to not go home.

I’m scared this is starting to feel like a home. It’s comfortable. Safe. Loving. But it’s not really mine, right? It’s still Ben’s. And what happens if he does say goodbye to New York? To me?

By Wednesday morning, it dawns on me that Ben has stopped saying he’s leaving. He no longer ends each kiss with reminders that this won’t last.