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Chapter Three

AJ hated herself. With her back to the pool, she wrapped the towel around her body. Why did she and Logan always have to go at it? She shouldn’t have responded to him the way she did. She wanted to treat him better. The bridge could never be mended if she always stooped to the same level of nastiness as he did.

She dried her face and hoped her eyes looked like she’d gotten too much pool water in them. However, everyone had seen that foolish interaction. Could she get away with storming out of the pool party the way Logan had?

Probably not.

Zara picked up her towel from the chair beside AJ. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Her roommate was going to notice the tension in her statement.

“I take it the words I couldn’t hear weren’t real nice?”

AJ snorted. “We’ve said worse. Don’t worry about it. Let’s go enjoy the fun. I want some of that pulled pork Brennan has been raving about smoking forever.” Maybe food would settle the turmoil in her stomach.

Will joined them, his face taut with tension. “Should I go after him?”

She shrugged. “Up to you. But did he tell you what happened after the car accident this morning?”

Will shook his head.

She gave him the shortest version possible, sticking to the facts.

Will drew in a sharp breath. “Maybe I should—”

“He likes to wallow by himself. The walk may do him some good. Maybe check on him on your way home?”

“I’ll do that.” Will put his arm across her shoulders and hugged her tight.

She leaned her head on him and fought another round of tears. But a hiccup of a sob slipped out.

“I’m sorry, AJ.”

“I know.” She was so grateful Zara had helped repair her friendship with Will.

Zara stood there staring, confusion wrinkling her brow.

AJ still hadn’t told her the whole truth, or much of it at all. She reached out and squeezed Zara’s forearm. “I promise I will tell you. I just …”

“It’s okay. Now’s not the time. Let’s get some food.”

And they did that. AJ bottled it all up and set it down at the feet of Jesus. He’d help her deal with it later.

The rest of the evening was more relaxed. AJ felt the weight in her heart but was able to enjoy time with her friends and co-workers.

She spent a good amount of time sitting on the side of the pool simply chatting with Megan, who had been through some tough times but was seeking God. AJ wanted to be there to help point her in the right direction. Not that she’d done a good job of that when Logan had been here.

Brennan called Megan over to play another game, so AJ got up and walked across the deck.

Will hopped out of the pool and approached her. “I think I’m going to head out and check on Logan. Just so you know how to pray for him, he had alcohol on his breath when I picked him up.”

“Still? Or is this new?”

“Newish.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

Will set his hand on her shoulder. “Seemed like you should know.”

She nodded.

Zara joined them and wrapped her arms around Will’s waist. “If this guy is leaving, I’m ready to go too.”

AJ agreed. “Let’s get out of here then. I’m tired.”

Will left and the women took a moment to tell people goodbye before they exited through the locker room.

The roommates silently got in AJ’s car and drove home. She knew Zara was dying to ask questions but also seemed to recognize that if AJ started in, she wouldn’t be able to drive. She didn’t have it in herself to talk right now anyway. Once they got home, AJ planned to go straight to bed and cry herself to sleep curled up in Jesus’s arms.

She missed the simpler times with Logan. As much guilt as their high school/college relationship held due to their propensity to break rules, they’d had fun.

Thirteen and a Half Years Ago—March

Hand in hand, eighteen-year-old Logan walked AJ up the front steps to her dad’s house. Her dad had set a stupid-early curfew for her lately, especially for a Friday night. They would graduate in two months; they were practically adults. Logan didn’t understand. But they’d figured out ways around the stupidity.

He drew AJ into his arms and kissed her cheek, then whispered in her ear, “Got to make it look like I’m actually telling you good night.”

She giggled.

The front door opened, and the screen door slammed back against the siding. “You’re late.”

AJ stepped away.

Logan looked at his watch. By two minutes. Even so, he kept his mouth shut. The last thing he needed was AJ’s dad thinking any less of him. If the man knew what Logan and AJ had been doing at the movie theater …

“Inside, AJ. Logan, get lost.”

“Yes, sir. Good night, AJ.”

“Bye.” She waved at him as her dad grasped her arm and tugged her into the house.

Logan turned and walked away slowly.

Her dad’s voice carried, despite the closed door. “You need to have a little more self-respect, girl. And if that boy respects you, he’ll respect the rules and the boundaries you should have set up. You aren’t married and aren’t gonna be anytime soon. Stop trying to wake up something that should stay dormant until your wedding day.”

Logan didn’t hear AJ’s response or anything else from the house. He did respect AJ. Where did her dad get off suggesting he didn’t? Maybe they shouldn’t be fooling around as much as they did. For two years they’d kept it above board, but in the last six months, it had gotten harder to keep his hands to himself. AJ didn’t help. But he knew it was his duty to treat her right.

Logan drove his car down the block like he did on a regular basis and parked it. Tonight he only had to wait half an hour before AJ opened the passenger door and slid in.

“Wasn’t that a little fast?”

“Eh. I slammed my door and locked it. He tried talking through it for a few minutes before I turned my music on. He’ll leave me until morning.” She snickered before leaning over and kissing Logan with entirely too much intensity. “Where to tonight?”

He put the car in gear and drove to a secluded parking lot. He knew he shouldn’t. What if they couldn’t stop themselves from going too far? He should drop her back at home and not play with fire. He should stop them. But he didn’t want to.

The next morning, eighteen-year-old AJ stared at herself in the bedroom mirror. Whether she felt like a million bucks or the scum of the earth was a toss-up. How was it possible to feel such a dichotomy of emotions at the same time?

God, I know Logan and I shouldn’t have …

The prayer stopped there. She couldn’t find the words. The guilt was too much. And what made the guilt even worse was the elation she felt as she remembered when skirting the line became crossing the line.

But she loved Logan so much. They planned to get married one day, eventually. If her dad would let them.

Maybe he’d be outside working when she left her room, and she wouldn’t have to talk to him. But she was hungry so she couldn’t hide in there all day. Did her dad know she had snuck out last night? Would he simply look at her and know she and Logan had gone all the way?

She tossed the towel at her reflection. Taking a shower hadn’t helped remove the guilt. After getting dressed, she took the risk and wandered to the kitchen to get some breakfast even though it was noon.

Her dad was sweeping the living room. “It’s about time you got up.”

She froze for a moment. Act natural. “Morning, Dad. What chores do you need me to do today?” Deflect, that was the best solution, right?

“Just the normal ones. Are you going out this evening?”

“Yeah, Will is having a movie night at his house.” She opened the fridge and stared. She needed to eat something, but the door stood as a shield, blocking her dad’s scrutiny.

“Fine. Back by ten.”

“Of course.”

“AJ.” Her dad waited until she looked at him. He looked sad. “I love you.”

“I know, Daddy.” She closed the fridge and went to him. “I love you too.”

He encompassed her with his arms. “I want what’s best for you.”

“Of course. Me too. Do you hate Logan?” You will if you find out what we did last night.

“No. He’s been your friend forever. He’s a good guy. But he’s a young man, and I know what that’s like. You need to protect each other.”

“Yes, Daddy.” Too late. She should have stopped them. But she hadn’t wanted to.