Page 18

Chapter Eighteen

AJ walked up the stairs to her apartment. She’d had dinner with her dad after leaving the cemetery. It had been a wonderful time talking to him about Bree, going through photographs he had, and reminiscing. She told him about her time with Logan at Bree’s grave. Before she left, her dad had prayed for her and for Logan.

She made plenty of noise unlocking the door since she knew Will was over based on his truck in the driveway. Pushing the door open, she said, “Hey, guys.”

Zara and Will were in the kitchen cleaning up from their dinner.

Zara set down her towel and strode to AJ, drawing her into a hug. “Will told me what today was.”

AJ fell into Zara’s arms, soaking in the hug from this woman who had become her best friend in the last two months.

Will came over and wrapped his arms around both of them.

AJ leaned her head into him. A fresh wave of grief overcame her. She hadn’t even been able to tell them about the day yet.

Her baby was gone—had been gone longer than she’d been on earth. And her husband had rejected her. But God was still good. He’d provided friends. A daddy who loved her and still took care of his little girl. God had given her a glimmer of hope today too. Maybe, just maybe, Logan’s heart was beginning to soften. Maybe reconciliation was possible. Maybe.

She stepped out of the hug and wiped her face. “Sorry.”

Zara handed her a tissue. “You’re allowed to cry.” Zara swiped her own eyes too.

AJ met Will’s eyes. “You’ll never believe what happened today. Logan let me hold him while he cried.” She told them about what happened at the cemetery.

“Wow. I’m really glad he heard you say that. I’ve been trying to tell him that for years, but I think he really thought you blamed him.”

“Never.”

“I know.” Will squeezed her shoulder. “Should I go check on him?”

Sheepishly she glanced at the floor. “I drove by on my way home. Miles’s rental was in the driveway, and Adam was walking out the front door.”

Will smiled. “I’m glad to hear about Adam. Miles… I’m not sure how helpful he’d be.”

AJ said, “Agreed.”

“Either way, I’m going to get out of here and let you two ladies have your evening and girl talk.” Will opened his arms to AJ.

She embraced her oldest friend. “Thanks, Will.”

“Praying for you. And Logan too, of course.”

“You will never know how much I appreciate that.”

He winked at her and turned to his girlfriend.

AJ excused herself to the living room to give them a minute to kiss without her awkwardly gawking at them.

Will hollered goodnight as he walked out the door.

Zara went to the freezer. “Rocky Road or chocolate chip cookie dough?”

“Oh, you are too good to me. Cookie dough.”

“Big bowl or little bowl?”

AJ laughed and walked back into the kitchen. “Just hand me the carton.”

Zara held the carton back. “No, I want some too.”

They fixed two big bowls then settled in the living room.

Zara dove into her ice cream, giving AJ the space she needed to decide what she needed to talk about.

After a few bites, AJ said, “So Will filled you in on what happened to Bree?”

Zara nodded.

“Remember on Sunday when I told you I had an affair after the worst year of our lives?”

Dawning lit in Zara’s eyes. “Yes. Losing Bree.”

“We were a giant mess of grief. Looking back, I can see what was happening. Now I know Logan was blaming himself. He thought I blamed him too. So he kept me at arm’s length. I needed my husband, but he didn’t know how to be there for me. And I didn’t know how to be what he needed either.”

“Grief is tricky.”

“I ran into Daryl at the gas station he owns. He asked how I was doing and was nice, sweet even. After months of Logan’s negativity and on-and-off drinking, it was refreshing to talk to someone who cared about how I felt. I made a point to go in the store more regularly, then one day Daryl invited me over to his house for coffee. That’s all it was, but it didn’t stay that for very long. Coffee across the table one day turned into coffee on the couch the next day—to no coffee and a back rub—to hands wandering.”

“I’ve told you bits of my past. You know I understand how that goes.”

AJ nodded. “I should have gone to my husband. I should have pursued him and taken the time to figure out what he needed from me in his grief—not be self-consumed with what I needed. But I didn’t. I should never have spent time with Daryl. I was vulnerable, and Daryl took advantage of that.”

Zara’s eyes narrowed. “AJ, did Daryl force you? Did you feel like you couldn’t get away?”

“No. Did he take advantage of the situation? Yes, but I was a willing participant. I could have walked away plenty of times, and I sure didn’t have to go back like I did.”

“How long did the affair last?”

“A month. I hated myself for it. I was ready to break it off one day when I went to his house, but he suggested I leave Logan instead. I ran out and didn’t look back. However, it took me two months to tell Logan the truth.”

“Bet that didn’t go well.”

“Not even close. He kicked me out right away. And that was that. I’ve tried a few times to talk to him, but most of those times ended up like last week at the grocery store.”

Zara released a whoosh of air. “I’m so sorry, friend.”

“Thanks. You okay with watching a movie or something? I need a distraction.”

They picked a funny movie, and AJ fell asleep before Buttercup swam with the screeching eels.

Despite his splitting headache Friday morning, Logan jumped on his motorcycle to meet up with some of the firefighters and cops for a round of basketball. They normally played in the evenings, but occasionally someone threw out a morning time. Five thirty was way too early, but he went anyway.

He walked into the gym, and Will, without comment, tossed him a bottle of ibuprofen. How did he know? It wasn’t a reaction to a grimace or rubbing his forehead. Yet Will had been ready with bottle in hand.

Logan walked up to Adam, who sat in the bleachers tying his shoes. “Did you tell Will about last night?”

“Didn’t even tell Ella, though I was tempted on that one. I will if you need someone to help you.”

Logan shook his head and tossed his gym bag on the bleachers, then sat and changed his shoes.

They played a hard game. Will and Adam didn’t let Logan take it easy at all. They pushed him the entire game to keep up. Every time they passed to him, he’d be sure to pass it to one of the other guys, so he didn’t have to take a shot. The three he took in the first half of the game totally missed.

Caleb Johnson came over to him while they were taking a mid-game water break. “You okay today, Jackson?”

Caleb worked as a paramedic out of the same station as AJ, so he likely knew what yesterday was. Maybe.

“Just off today. I’ll be fine.”

Caleb held Logan’s gaze, apparently not believing his lie.

“You know what yesterday was?”

Caleb nodded. “Praying for you. Let us know if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

Caleb slapped him on the shoulder.

Logan knelt on one knee and adjusted a shoelace that didn’t need it until the game resumed. As much as he wanted to be irritated by Caleb, he wasn’t. The opposite in fact. There were people around him who not only cared but also prayed for him. They’d been around when Bree died too, but he’d been too self- consumed to realize it in the moment. Maybe if he had accepted a little more support, it wouldn’t have felt so unbearable.

They resumed their game. The meds must have kicked in, and Logan actually made a few decent plays and even a handful of baskets.

On his way home from the gym, Logan drove toward AJ’s. He shouldn’t take the long way to get home, but he felt drawn to her. He needed to scope out the area and make sure no one was lurking around.

He turned down her street. A cable-company van was parked outside the neighbor’s house. Why was a cable guy already out at seven in the morning?

Logan slowed. The worker was at the utility pole, but it looked like he was staring at AJ’s apartment. Wait, was that Eric?

Logan stopped in front of the van and took off his helmet. “Eric?”

The man jumped and spun around, eyes wide. “Logan.” His gaze darted back and forth.

“Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Oh, umm … I … uh. It—it’s … It’s okay.” He shifted his feet.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, totally. I just didn’t hear you coming.”

Logan wanted to laugh. His motorcycle wasn’t a Harley, but it wasn’t quiet either.

“Just getting some work done on this line. Got to keep the cable running, people have to have their internet.”

“Sure. But I find it interesting that you’re keeping an eye on my wife’s apartment while you’re working.”

“Wife? What wife?”

Eric had missed the memo? True, until last Saturday, Logan hadn’t seen or talked to Eric since before he and AJ got married.

“AJ. We got married during junior year.”

“Then why did you two hardly interact at Will’s last week?”

“It’s a long story, but she’s still my wife. Why are you loitering here?”

“Dude, I’m working.” Eric’s voice cracked a bit.

There wasn’t anything more Logan could say, but he’d drive around for a bit. If Eric was still here in an hour, he’d call it in.