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Chapter Sixteen

Six Years Ago—August

Logan ran through the house, five-year-old Bree tearing after him with shouts of “I’m going to get you, Daddy.” Logan collapsed on the couch, and Bree launched herself, diving right into him. He caught her, holding her close, tickling and nuzzling her neck. She exploded in giggles.

“Now who’s got whom?” He couldn’t control his own laughing. He lifted her petite body up into the air.

She wiggled and giggled. “Put me down, Daddy.”

He lowered her to the floor, and she took off running. “Catch me!”

“You’re so fast I don’t know if I can.” He shoved off the couch and pursued her around the kitchen table of their little house. He and AJ had managed to buy the little three-bedroom ranch two years ago because Granny had saved all their rent money and given it back to them for a downpayment. God had been so good. They’d both finished college, even with a newborn. He’d gotten a job at the police station right out of school, and they were doing fine for themselves. One of these days, they’d give Bree some siblings to play with too.

In their chase around the table, Logan pretended not to be able to catch Bree, but she just laughed harder, which slowed her down.

When she could barely move for her laughter, he scooped her up and snuggled her. “I love you, little girl.”

AJ came from down the hall. “What is all this ruckus?”

He looked at Bree. “Let’s get Mommy!” He set Bree down, and she squealed and darted toward AJ.

“Oh no!” AJ bounded over the back of the couch.

But Bree darted the other way and cornered AJ in the middle of the living room. Logan went over the couch. They had her.

Bree ran at AJ and jumped into her open arms. The little girl tried to tickle her mom.

But her little fingers weren’t very effective. Logan joined them. With his arms securely around the ladies he loved, he made certain to have a hold on Bree. He tickled AJ, who collapsed against him in her own fit of giggles.

They all fell onto the floor and laughed until not one of them could catch their breath.

Logan laid back with his arms out to each side. AJ snuggled up against him and Bree sat on his chest. So much for breathing. She only weighed thirty-five pounds, which didn’t seem like much until that weight was on top of him.

But he didn’t care. He was with his girls.

Thank you, Lord!

Logan’s heart was full to the point of bursting. Only a week ago, Bree had come to them and said she wanted to give her life to Jesus. She loved Him so much and wanted to live for Him forever. He and AJ had the privilege of praying with their little girl and welcoming her into the family of God. Wherever they went, she told everyone she met how much Jesus loved them. She was going to make a big impact on this world.

Present Day

At four o’clock on Thursday afternoon, AJ drove into the cemetery and parked in her usual spot. Trying not to think about her actions, she grabbed the bouquet of black-eyed Susans from the front seat, tossed her bag over her shoulder, and walked robotically down the path that led her through the perfectly manicured lawn.

At the junction of another path, she looked up and met Logan’s eyes.

In the last five years since they’d split, they had never ended up here together. Occasionally, she’d spotted his bike and come back later or noticed he drove away because she was there, but she hadn’t seen him today.

“I’m sorry. I’ll come back.” She was about to turn away when Logan stretched out his hand to her.

“Today isn’t about us. It’s about our daughter. She’d want us to be here together.”

AJ nodded and took Logan’s hand. Together they walked toward Bree’s grave.

How had it been six years to the day since they’d lost her? They’d been so happy. She’d given her life to Jesus. She hadn’t even been five for a month. Then she was gone.

AJ stopped. “I can’t do this.”

Logan didn’t let go but turned toward her.

She gripped his hand tighter. “It hurts so much. I miss her.”

He nodded. His eyes were red and glistened with moisture. He’d always been a man of big feelings. Passion emanated from him in all he did. The pain in his heart was equal to hers.

She wiped at her nose with her sleeve, not willing to let go of the flowers or Logan’s hand. But he let go and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close to his chest.

The air was gone from her lungs as sobs racked her entire being.

He held her, she held him, and they both cried. Together. For the first time in nearly six years.

After a few minutes—maybe it was longer, she didn’t really know or care—they walked the remaining distance to Bree’s tombstone. AJ set the flowers into the vase that was part of the stone’s design. Taking the water bottle out of the bag, she filled the vase.

“She loved black-eyed Susans.” Logan stuffed his hands in the pockets of his shorts.

“She really did.” AJ took a blanket out of her bag and laid it on the ground.

Logan helped her straighten it, and they sat close but not touching. Silence settled between them.

AJ thought back to that dreadful day. They’d gone to the river for a fun afternoon with some people from church. Bree had been learning to swim and was doing a great job. She’d gotten too confident and gone in by herself when they’d turned their backs briefly.

AJ had never seen Logan run so fast. He’d caught Bree not very far down the river, pulled her out, and they had tried to revive her, but it had been too late. She was gone.

Logan broke into her thoughts. “I love how she always wiggled her nose at broccoli.”

AJ chuckled and tears splashed out of her eyes. “She couldn’t decide if she liked it or not. She was so silly.”

Logan nodded.

AJ needed her husband. Why didn’t he see that? He hadn’t seen it in the months after Bree’s death. He’d retreated into himself, not realizing he needed his wife too. AJ risked contact and rested her head on his shoulder.

He didn’t move. Not toward her but not away. “I hate that I failed to save her.”

“You didn’t fail. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was an accident.”

“I should have saved her.”

AJ lifted her head and wrapped her hands around Logan’s elbow. “Logan, please hear me. It is not your fault. Have you blamed yourself all these years?”

“I’m her dad. I should have protected her.”

“You couldn’t have. It was an accident.”

“But …” He met AJ’s eyes.

“No buts, Logan.”

Emotion distorted his face and racked his body.

She tucked her feet under her and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He leaned into her as six years of pent-up emotion spilled out.

She held him and cried with him for at least twenty minutes before Logan found his voice again.

“I can’t forgive myself.”

She grabbed a box of tissues from her bag and offered him one. He plucked it out.

She snatched one too and twisted it in her hands. “Logan, I know two things. One, there’s no need for forgiveness in this because there is no sin. You need to let it go and not hold onto false guilt. And two, Jesus is the one who forgives sin. He’s also the one you need to surrender everything to. All of it. Bree’s death. The fact we weren’t able to save her, even as first responders. The ways I hurt you. The grief. The pain.”

He took another tissue. “Yeah.”

Lord, help him.