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Chapter Twenty-Three

Two hours later, Logan sank back onto Will’s couch. Going to Walmart and buying a few essentials had been sobering. Thinking about all that was gone was overwhelming, but he also didn’t want to assume the worst. It was possible that some things back in the bedrooms would be able to be cleaned and restored, but not much.

AJ came into the room. “Dinner’s ready.” They had bought some frozen pizzas while at the store.

“Okay.” But he didn’t move.

She came and sat down beside him. “Not hungry?”

He shrugged. “I probably should eat.”

Her hands rested on her knees, but he wondered how much she was resisting reaching out to touch him. He helped make the decision and took her hand.

She squeezed his.

He didn’t know what to say. So many thoughts flew through his head. He needed to say I’m sorry . He needed to say I forgive you . He needed to say I love you . But he couldn’t find his voice to say any of the words.

“Let’s go eat.” She stood and pulled his hand.

He tugged back. “Wait. I need to say a few things.”

She sat again, close enough that her knee brushed his, sending warmth through his leg.

He stared at her hand in his. It had aged—not in a bad way—but while it looked like he remembered, a few fine lines had appeared.

“What is it, Logan? Don’t feel like now—”

“If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I haven’t learned as much as I should have, but today has taught me a lot. After we fought earlier, I realized I was wrong. So wrong for so long. I’m … I’m sorry, AJ. I have been a terrible husband. I believe ‘selfish jerk’ are the proper words.”

She chuckled ruefully.

“I’ve always loved you, at least as far as my emotions go, but I haven’t loved you like Christ loves the church.”

Her hand tightened around his.

“I forgive you. I want to trust you again. It may take me a while—and heavens knows it’ll take me a minute to learn how to love you right—but I want to try. If you’ll give me a chance.”

“That’s a big change from earlier today.”

“I know. But even before the fire, I realized I was the one who needed to change. As I was walking, I had a good, long talk with God, and He made it clear I need to put some work into this. So if you are willing, I’d like a chance to start over.”

“We can’t start over.”

The words knocked the wind out of him like he’d run into a brick wall.

“The past is part of who we are. It’s there and can’t go anywhere. But we can start fresh.”

Air rushed back into his lungs. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” She rested her other hand on their joined hands. “It’s not going to be a magic switch; I’m not that naive. But I’ve wanted us my entire life.”

“Even after I’ve been such a jerk? I feel like a gigantic dolt because I didn’t even realize how much of a jerk I was being.”

Her snicker mostly came through her nose, but it also shook her shoulders. “Oh, honey.”

He reached up and traced the side of her face with his fingers. “Do I need to win your heart again?”

“My heart is yours, you know that. But we need to rebuild, not only our home, but our marriage.”

“I don’t know what that looks like.”

She shrugged. “Me neither, but I think we start with spending more time together and talking.”

He nodded. “Let’s start with dinner with our friends?”

“Please.”

They stood, staying hand in hand, and joined Will and Zara in the kitchen.

Sunday afternoon, AJ walked beside Logan to the burnt remains of their house. After church, the four friends had had a quiet lunch, Logan and AJ waiting for the call from the arson inspector. He’d agreed to let them tag along since they worked for the police and fire departments.

The inspector met them at the front of the house. The older man with a classic firefighter mustache that curled up on the ends extended his hand to each of them. “I’m so sorry for the loss of your home.”

AJ said, “Thanks for letting us come over during your inspection, Leroy.”

“Of course. I think I’m getting a good picture of what happened, but I have a few more sections to inspect. But it can be incredibly dangerous in there. Wear these masks and gloves.”

They both took what he offered and put them on. AJ had known to wear work boots, long sleeves, and pants, despite the eighty-degree weather, And told Logan to do the same.

Leroy added, “Other than passing through, I want you to stay out of the living room and kitchen. Pretty much everything in there is a loss. Go to the bedrooms and see what if anything can be salvaged and if it’s worth calling a restoration team. You already talked to your insurance company?”

“I called them last night.”

“Good. Let’s go in. Be careful. The floorboards in the entryway are soft.”

Masks and gloves on, they entered through the front door.

No amount of firefighting experience could have prepared AJ for entering her own burned-down home, one she hadn’t lived in for the last five years. But so many memories were packed into this place. And it was gone.

She couldn’t tell if her heart stopped or pounded harder.

Logan offered her a hand across a rafter that had fallen during the fire. She took it and refused to let go as they walked into the short hallway. The first door on the right led to the extra room. When she had lived here, they used it partly for storage and partly for an office-type space. The door was open, and the room was gone.

She went in, reluctantly letting go of Logan’s hand. “Did you still keep the fireproof box in here?”

“Yeah. Careful, I’ll get it.” He passed her.

The roof was mostly intact, but the ceiling was falling in. The flames had clearly made it into this room. The window was busted, but they hadn’t had to vent the roof.

Logan found the fireproof box that contained all of their legal documents and set it outside the front window.

AJ looked around. She couldn't tell much of what Logan had once had in the room. A few books were still on the shelf. She reached for one, but the spine crumbled as she took hold of it. The rest of the book was intact but was a lost cause. Too much of it had been destroyed to be saved.

They didn’t bother to check the bathroom.

She couldn’t stomach the closed door, so she went into the open master bedroom.

Much of it was gone too. AJ went to the chest at the foot of the bed and lifted the lid with care. “Looks like these blankets could be worth saving.”

From the closet, Logan said, “Not everything in here is a complete loss. I’ll call a restoration team. Even if we save a few things, I think it’s worth it. The insurance will help.”

“Oh good.” The walls at this end of the house were still intact despite the damage from the heat and smoke.

She went to the window at the back and inspected the yard. The tree branches had curled back in response to the intense heat.

“AJ?”

She turned to Logan, who stood by the door. “Yeah?”

“We need to check Bree’s room.”

She remained motionless. “It was still her room?”

“I couldn’t remove anything without you.”

She stared at him. She couldn’t get her feet to work and shook her head instead.

He closed the distance. “We have to.”

“I can’t.” She swallowed. “If it’s all gone, then she’s gone forever.”

He took her shoulders in his hands. “Look at me.” He waited until she met his eyes. “She’s here”—he touched AJ’s chest with the tips of his fingers—“and here”—he transferred his hand to his own chest. “If we lost every last picture and keepsake, we’d still have her. But you’re the firefighter; tell me what you’ve told me about closed doors before.”

“The fire is much less likely to spread to a room with a closed door.”

“Okay then, let’s go see.” He lifted one arm toward Bree’s room and rested the other on AJ’s back.

She stepped forward. Logan was right there with her.

At the door, AJ extended her arm but stopped short.

Logan reached around her and directed her hand to the knob. Together they turned it. They pushed the door open, but AJ closed her eyes. She couldn’t hope for as favorable an outcome as she had seen in house fires over the years.

“AJ.” The breathlessness in Logan’s voice forced her to open her eyes.

The painted pink room was still there. Purple bedspread, Bree’s favorite hippo, her doll house. Her Mary Janes and itty-bitty Converse were still tucked under the edge of the bed.

AJ’s knees gave out on her, and if Logan hadn’t caught her, she would have collapsed to the floor. She turned and gripped Logan. “It’s okay.”

“Isn’t this why you teach people to close their bedroom doors while they sleep?”

“But to see it so tangibly … Logan, it’s all okay.”

“I know.” Tears streamed down his face and traced the edge of his mask. He drew her to his chest.

That’s when she realized tears were falling from her eyes as well.

They stood there holding each other for a few minutes. Almost everything in the room would be worth restoring. All of it was no doubt smoke-damaged, but not so much it couldn’t be washed out.

Once the restoration company completed cleaning Bree’s belongings, AJ would sit with Logan, and they could sort out what to keep and what to pass on to someone in need. She wasn’t looking forward to that, but it was so much better than having to shovel it all into the trash.

Thank you, Jesus, for this. You are so good.