Page 42 of Beneath the Mountain Sky (McBride Brother Lumberjacks #1)
TWO DAYS LATER
WILLOW
G oing up the mountain feels different this time.
When Killian and I did it less than a week ago, we had a purpose, but we might as well have been looking for a needle in a fucking haystack the size of Rhode Island.
Now we have focus, a destination, and a glimmer of hope of finding the rest of my memories and whoever the mystery man is who haunts my dreams. Because ever since the hypnosis session, the visions from the last year keep coming in waves, as if Dr. Bird somehow opened a dam that’s now allowing a rush to work its way out.
More nightmares.
More flashes during the day.
This morning, as we gathered with the large group from town to organize and then set out for the river, it felt like all the suffering of the last several weeks, all the turmoil and tears, were designed to bring me to this point.
So many things that were surrounded by darkness are now seeing the light.
Pieces falling into place, helping me create a true picture of what happened.
I did come back to Killian that day because I knew he didn’t mean what he said. That was fear talking, not the man I love. And I was intercepted by someone when the truck broke down. He hit me, took me somewhere, and must have somehow disposed of my truck so no one would be suspicious.
My captor kept me for the past year, somewhere no one would hear me or see me.
Somewhere so remote there would never be any hope of anyone stumbling upon us.
He must have made me write those letters to Raven.
Whoever it is knows McBride Mountain well enough to understand she would miss me, that she would question where I was if she didn’t hear from me regularly with assurances that I was okay.
Those are the things I know.
But what I still don’t get is why it feels like there’s something waiting there for me beyond my still missing memories.
The recurring dream came again last night.
More vivid than before.
That memory of running, of holding something, clutching it to my chest, as I stumbled down that game trail through the woods that rainy night. Cutting my feet. My lungs burning. Thunder rolling and lightning flashing, illuminating my way through the dark forest.
It all feels so important.
Essential.
Just as taking every step up the mountain right now is.
Killian pauses in front of me and glances back, his brow furrowing as he scans me over—like he’s been doing every few minutes since we set out. “Are you all right? We can stop if we need to.”
I shake my head. “No. I want to get to that spot on the river as early as we can today.”
Our hike has already moved slowly enough, far slower than even mine did with Killian when I was still in far more pain physically than I am now.
The addition of some of our friends from town to help with the search meant a delayed start, the sun almost directly overhead by the time we established the plan, reassured we had all the proper supplies, and set out today.
Those who are strong hikers moved ahead to set up a base camp near where they found me in the river, while all the slower hikers—including me now—trail behind to meet up later.
Almost three dozen residents of McBride Mountain banded together.
The sheer number of people willing to help amazes me, as does the level of rage that seems to permeate the air from everyone who now knows what we’re looking for out there.
A monster of a man.
Someone who was willing to kidnap me and hold me against my will. To do things to me I can’t think about without collapsing in on myself again.
Killian stops, despite my objection, waiting for me to catch up to him so he can rake his assessing gaze over me and search for any signs that I need a break.
I reach him and offer what I hope is a reassuring smile.
The minor delay gives Liam and Connor time to reach us, and they take the momentary stop to snag a sip of water. I do the same, trying not to appear winded or give away the fact that I’m exhausted already.
We’re pushing harder than we did during our last hike, and even though I’m feeling better physically, I haven’t regained my stamina. And I don’t want Killian to worry any more than he already does.
But I can’t hide from this man.
Killian gives me a tight smile.
It shows every ounce of his concern.
He doesn’t believe me that I don’t need a real break.
And maybe he shouldn’t, since he’s the one who held me last night while I sobbed as the memories came rushing back every time I tried to close my eyes and sleep.
Of being taken.
Of being touched…
Even now, I have to shut my eyes and struggle to breathe through the nausea rolling through my stomach.
Killian’s arms wrap around me, and he tugs me against his chest. “Don’t lie to me like that. It’s okay to not be okay.”
I sense Liam and Connor slip past us and continue up the trail, giving us some privacy.
Birds chirp in the trees above us, fluttering from limb to limb, enjoying the beautiful day that I should be able to—but I can’t. Not knowing our reason for being up here.
Killian skims his lips across my temple. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head and suck in a long, slow breath. “No, not again.”
His words from last night still ring in my head.
Crystal clear.
Because he ensured I would hear and remember them. Repeated them to me at least a dozen times as he held me through my tears.
“Nothing he did to you changes who you are to me. Nothing. And none of it was your fault.”
It’s hard to believe that when I’m the one who left. If I had stayed that day to talk things through with him, none of this would have happened. But I know he believes it’s his. That if he hadn’t said what he did to me, if he hadn’t panicked, we would have had the life we always planned.
We could go on blaming ourselves, or each other, forever, and it wouldn’t change where we are right now, though.
It would just drag us into an even darker place.
Neither of us wants that.
Moving forward is the only option.
I pull out of his arms and stare up at him—the man everyone in McBride Mountain gives a wide berth.
The one they’re afraid to upset or cross.
But Killian is my avenging hero, on a mission to seek and destroy whoever caused me so much pain.
I know he won’t stop until he does, and that gives me comfort that his words never could.
He brushes a thick strand of dark hair away from my eyes and gives me a hard smile. “You ready to keep going?”
I nod, and he takes my hand in his and leads me along the barely discernible trail.
We weave through the thick, towering forest, hiking for hours in comfortable silence. Just having him with me, knowing he will always be here for anything I need, watching my back, and giving me his protection, makes it possible to keep moving.
It keeps the darkness at bay.
Somehow out here, it’s easier to concentrate on my breathing, drawing in the fresh, clean air.
To feel my feet falling on solid ground that’s been here for millennia, knowing it will remain long after we’re gone.
And to watch how confident Killian is as he stalks through the trees with sure steps, carrying his pack on his shoulders as if it weighs nothing, axe strapped across it in case he needs it.
All of it lulls me into an almost trance, allows those things that haunt me to float away as the sun arches overhead and finally starts to lower in the west.
It quickly disappears behind the treetops, dropping the temperature and the mountain into darkness.
Time passes, though I lose track of how long we’ve been hiking or how far we’ve gone, until the smell of a campfire and food cooking finally hits my nose. By the time we break through the treeline and into the clearing near the river, camp is established, dinner already in full swing.
Sheriff Briggs sits on a log on one side of the bonfire, his wife, Tonya, beside him, laughing at something he whispers in her ear. A handful of others mill about the dozens of tents already set up near the center of camp.
It isn’t far from the spot Killian and I stayed the night we came up here alone, seeking answers we couldn’t locate but finding something else just as important.
That was the start of us figuring out a way to come together again. To forgive and allow ourselves to feel all the things we had been trying to tamp down since my return.
“Are you hungry?”
Killian’s question breaks my train of thought, and I shake my head as he twines his fingers with mine and leads me toward the encampment. Concerned blue eyes watch me. “You need to eat something.”
“I know…”
But now that we’ve stopped moving, that we’ve reached this spot, the fear of what we might find up there, of what I’ll have to see and what memories will come with it, turns my stomach until bile climbs my throat.
I force it back as Killian releases my hand to let his pack slip off his shoulders. He rests it beside our tent that someone set up for us before we arrived, then directs me toward the fire.
My feet move, but I barely register what’s happening, my mind already slipping into the dark place I avoided on the way up here.
Connor and Liam approach us with two plates in hand. Liam slips one into mine without a word but offers a knowing half-smile. Connor does the same for Killian, clapping him on the shoulder before they return to the makeshift kitchen area to get their own dinners.
I stare down at the food someone carefully prepared to ensure it would be hot and ready by the time the rest of the searchers arrived, but I can’t muster up the appetite to even consider eating any of it.
Killian urges me over to an empty log along the side of the bonfire and settles beside me. Connor and Liam return, dropping down on the opposite side of their brother. They all dig in, friendly chatter filling the night air along with the sound of the river not far to the east.
Millions of stars blanket the clear sky above, a canopy of sparkling lights.