Page 26 of Beneath the Mountain Sky (McBride Brother Lumberjacks #1)
KILLIAN
T he bonfire rages in front of me, flames leaping higher and higher into the crystal-clear night sky. Smoke billows against black, and I follow it up to the expanse of stars spread out above me.
On the mountain, without any sort of light pollution, millions of them twinkle brightly, winking at me as if they know something I don’t.
And they do.
They’ve been there for millions of years.
They witnessed it all since humans took their first steps on McBride Mountain, and they saw whatever happened to Willow.
Wherever she was over the past year…
Whoever she was with…
What she might have suffered…
They know .
Far more than we do.
Somehow, the fact that a massive ball of gas burning millions of miles away in an infinite space has all the information when we have none pisses me the fuck off and prevents me from being able to enjoy the simple, pristine beauty of my view tonight.
That would be impossible with Willow inside the cabin, passed out, dead asleep after the last two days. The physical and emotional drain should keep her asleep, and hopefully, her memories and nightmares won’t haunt her for at least an hour…because I need space.
Time to think.
Pine.
After being with her like that last night, feeling her pressed up against me, her tight, hot cunt clasping around my fingers, coating them in her sweet release, my entire body thrums with this pent-up…
Something.
A horrible conflict between what I want and what I know is right for Willow—especially after what happened at the gorge today.
And alcohol isn’t helping me solve anything.
I take the final sip of my beer, letting the cool, hoppy liquid slide down my throat as I lean back in my chair and stare at the stars.
Those smug fuckers. The empty bottle in my hand isn’t going to cut it tonight.
I set it beside my chair with the two other empties, the glasses smacking together with a light tink .
Snagging another one from the cooler, I release a frustrated sigh, then pop the cap off on the built-in opener.
“That bad?”
The voice from the darkness makes me flinch.
Shit.
I turn my head toward the sound of approaching footsteps and find Connor and Liam almost to me.
And I didn’t even hear them coming.
God, am I fucking out of it…
Up here, always being alert, always being aware, is what keeps you safe and alive. Any number of threats linger in the darkness. Bears. Bobcats. Poisonous snakes.
My brothers…
But that woman in the cabin has all my focus.
Which could be very dangerous.
I scrub my hand down my face as Connor takes a seat to my left, and Liam settles into the one on my right. Connor reaches into the small cooler near my feet, grabs two beers, and pops the tops off on the arm of the chair, rather than using the opener.
“Hey, man! What the fuck?” I point to the wood Liam meticulously crafted into the beautiful custom piece of furniture. “You’re going to leave gouge marks in that.”
Liam smirks at me from my other side, leaning forward to snag a beer from Connor. “I’ll make you a new one.”
Connor hands it to Liam, and they sit back, both releasing a little sigh at finally getting off their feet after what was undoubtedly a long day at the lumberyard.
Where I should have been.
Just like I should have been there yesterday.
And all the other days I’ve spent on the mountain, completely ignoring my responsibilities to the company and our employees.
Thank fuck I have them to pick up the slack…
Still, guilt eats away at me for having my attention split between my responsibility to McBride Mountain, my employees at the timber yard, and my obsession with solving this mystery for Willow.
Because it definitely hasn’t been split equally.
Not even close.
Since the moment I dragged her from that river, my entire focus, all my energy, every waking moment has been about her.
My knee bounces uncontrollably, the tension twisting inside me seeking any outlet it can find, and a peaceful silence stretches between us as we enjoy our beers and the evening.
But it won’t last with these two sitting with me.
Liam finally clears his throat, and I can feel his gaze on me. “Was it that bad?”
Hell.
He doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone. If he even remotely suspects someone is keeping something in that’s eating them alive, he’ll dig until he reveals whatever it is. Like it’s somehow his role on this planet to ensure no one wallows in their own misery.
I take a long sip of my beer, staring up at the sky, ignoring the heat of his eyes on me. “Was what that bad?”
He snorts. “Being up there with her. That’s what has you all messed up in your head and sitting out here looking like that, isn’t it?”
Too damn perceptive.
The kid always saw too much, even when he was little. And as he’s grown into a man, so has his intuition, and his desire to fix everyone else’s problems.
I shake my head. “It wasn’t just that.”
It was everything.
Every word she said.
Every look she gave me.
Every move she made.
But what happened today pushed me over that very narrow edge I’ve been balancing on between controlling my anger and frustration and completely losing it.
“Then what?”
I drag my gaze from the sky and return it to my brothers, first glancing at Liam and then Connor. “I took her all the way up to the gorge today.”
Connor’s jaw drops. “You’re shitting me. That’s like a five-mile hike from the river.”
Nodding slowly, I remember every labored breath and step she took to get to the gorge this morning. How her face pinched in pain. But she wouldn’t stop, despite how utterly exhausted she was after hiking to the river yesterday, then pushing farther today.
That strength she’s always had and always demonstrated also makes her stubborn, and she had her mind set on seeing the gorge.
Willow wasn’t going to fail, even if she was miserable.
Which meant I spent the entire day with the taste of her release still on my tongue, my cock still aching to be inside her, and my breath catching each time she stumbled or struggled at all.
“Probably longer than that from where we were…”
Liam shifts forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Why did you go all the way up there?”
Because she asked me to.
Because I couldn’t say no to that woman.
“She could describe it to me. In detail.”
His brow furrows. “When would she ever have been up there? Did you ever take her?”
I shake my head. “No. Which made her think that maybe it was a memory from the past year returning. I took her up there to see if it triggered anything else to come back.”
Connor taps his beer on the chair arm, raising a brow as I look over to him. “And?”
My hand tightens around my own bottle until my fingers ache, and the desire to chuck it into the fire makes my entire body tremble.
“And fucking nothing .” I take several more gulps of my beer, and even though I’m on my third one, the alcohol hasn’t helped quell any of the churning turmoil threatening to drown me.
“She didn’t remember a goddamn thing. It felt familiar to her.
We spent an hour exploring it, walking back and forth to both sides.
But absolutely nothing new came to her that might help us. ”
“Shit.” Connor runs his hand over his thick hair. “And you didn’t see any evidence that she came through there?”
I shake my head. “You know nobody lives up there. It’s too steep to farm. And it’s fucking chilly. The days don’t get much warmer than, what, forty-five, fifty that high up even in the summer?”
They both nod.
“So, how could she have been in the gorge?” I concentrate on the fire, the flames flickering in the darkness. “The only thing past it is endless rough wilderness and a bunch of wild animals.”
And to get from there to the river during a storm would have taken…
An act of God.
Liam shakes his head. “I don’t know, man. This whole thing…” He shudders. “It gives me the creeps.”
Connor nods his agreement. “Me, too. Something just isn’t right.”
Liam’s eyes drift to the cabin, where Willow hopefully continues to sleep soundly. “Is she okay, though?”
A loaded question if I ever heard one.
I shrug. “As okay as she can be, I guess. Physically exhausted, sore as hell from the hike, even though I made her take it easy and went as slow as I could.”
His gaze returns to mine. “And mentally?”
“Fuck”—I scrub a hand over my face—“I don’t know how she is.”
And given what happened in the tent last night, where she is mentally and where I am mentally are definitely not on the same page. They might not even be in the same book.
Hers seems to be some second-chance romance, while mine feels more like a tragic love story that ends in despair. She wants us to go back to how things were before she left, before I ruined everything, and that’s just not possible, no matter how much I might want it, too.
I never should have touched her.
I never should have given in.
But seeing her so desperate, so needy for something only I could give her, made it impossible for me to say no, even when I knew it was wrong.
Which made today awkward as fuck.
The way she kept looking at me. Watching me, when she should have been paying attention to where her feet were going.
Like she was expecting me to say something or do something.
As if she wanted me to bring up the fact that I made her come all over my hand and that she wanted so much more than that.
Willow wanted to have that conversation.
And I was nowhere near ready to delve into it.
Coward.
Liam releases a long sigh, his own frustration as thick as my own. “So, what’s the plan going forward?”
I rub the back of my neck and watch the flames again. “Sit out here and drink. That’s my current plan.”
Connor kicks up his feet on the cooler. “I can get behind that.”
Good.
Because I am done talking.
I am done thinking for a while.
For a few blissful minutes, it’s silent, only the crackle and pop of the fire and the occasional rustling of an animal in the trees break the moment of serenity.