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Page 27 of Beneath the Mountain Sky (McBride Brother Lumberjacks #1)

But just like when they first arrived, it won’t last long, not with these two doofuses.

And I know who will speak up first because he always does.

He can’t help himself.

The three of us may not be brothers by blood, but since the day someone dropped him on Mom’s doorstep with a note that said, “Please take care of him,” he was ours. He was a McBride.

And he got the best of Mom.

All of her kindness, her caring, all of her ability to read people.

All the things I suck so much at, despite what Willow may think.

Liam’s voice cuts through the night. “You need to tell her.”

I slowly turn my head and look at him. “What?”

“You need to come clean with Willow. Tell her everything. If you don’t, things are just going to continue to get more awkward between you the longer this goes on.”

More awkward?

I snort and take a swig of my beer. “I don’t think that’s fucking possible.”

“It is.” His gaze softens. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”

So have I.

I squeeze my eyes shut and see it behind my closed lids.

She looks at me like I’m her hero, but she should see me as the villain.

Before I can argue further with what was a good-intentioned suggestion to finally clear the air between us, the sound of the cabin door and soft footsteps on the porch freezes all of us.

Willow approaches, blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders, now in a loose pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt she slipped into after the bath she took when we got back.

Connor and Liam both push up from their chairs.

Liam smacks my shoulder. “It’s getting late. Time to hit the sack.”

“You’re abandoning me?”

They both give me a knowing smirk before they stalk off in the direction of their cabins deeper on the property—just as she reaches me.

Fucking perfect.

She stands at the edge of the fire, eyes locked on it instead of me.

The flames cast light and shadows across the mostly healed bruises on her face. She tugs the blanket tighter, despite the warmth she must feel being so close to the pit.

“Are you all right?” I scan her, taking in every detail, searching for any signs of the distress that usually wakes her at night. “Did you have another nightmare?”

Those stormy orbs finally cut over to meet my gaze, and she shakes her head.

“No. I just figured you’d be out here.” She slowly makes her way around the bonfire pit and lowers herself into the seat Liam recently vacated next to me.

“You always came out here when you needed to relax and think at night, and I figured you’d need to. ”

“Yeah, well, it isn’t doing me much good.” I drain the rest of my beer and set the empty down next to the cooler. “You want one?”

She shakes her head. “I’m good.”

I pop open another and take a sip.

Her eyes return to the fire, and I know I should stop staring at her, should stop watching her, but I can’t tear my gaze away.

Even after everything she’s been through, she’s still the most stunning thing I’ve seen in my life. The only woman who has ever held my heart, who’s ever even gotten close to it, and yet, I destroyed her.

“I need you to do something for me, Killian.” She finally glances over at me again. “Please.”

It isn’t like her not to just ask .

That tightens my gut.

“What?”

Her fingers twist the edges of the blanket. “I think it’s time you told me the truth. I think it’s time you told me what really happened between us. Because you spent the day avoiding me…”

“How could I avoid you? We were hiking together the whole day.”

“And you barely met my eyes once.” She huffs. “You barely spoke ten words to me the entire day. And as soon as we got here, you disappeared as quickly as you could.”

“To take care of things around the homestead. We’ve been gone for two days?—”

“We both know Connor and Liam were taking care of things, weren’t they? So, stop bullshitting me. You were avoiding me because of what happened in the tent last night, and the only reason for you to be upset about that is because of whatever I can’t remember. So, it’s time you tell me. Now.”

* * *

WILLOW

Killian stares at me—the strongest man I’ve ever known now looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He’s never been afraid of anything in his life, has always taken on any challenge, any adversary, head-on and full-throttle.

The man never backs down from anyone or anything.

But right now, he looks ready to run.

I knew pushing for this, pushing him , might stir up some things that he would rather leave buried, but I can’t take it anymore. Not after the way he looked at me last night. Not after the way he touched me. Not after the words he said.

It told me everything I need to know.

He still loves me.

He still wants me as much as I do him.

Which means I need to know what the hell happened to tear us apart, to break what we had that was so fucking solid for so long in a way that he believes is irreparable.

“Please, Killian. Talk .” I try to keep the tremor out of my voice, but waking up in that bed alone—again—after spending the night in his arms only twenty-four hours ago has pushed me to the point that I can’t sit back anymore and pretend.

“I may not be able to remember the last year, but I remember all the ones before that. I remember what we had together. I remember who you are, so none of this makes any sense to me. And the longer I go on without answers about this , the harder it is to live with the fact that I may never have answers about the last year. So, please, give me this. Give me some of my memories back.”

I realize how desperate it sounds, but it’s impossible to keep the plea from my voice at this point.

He scrubs his free hand over his beard and releases a long, heavy sigh, holding my gaze with his intense one. “I don’t want to hurt you again. I don’t know if you’re ready to?—”

My hands fist in the blanket. “Stop treating me like I’m going to fucking break, Killian.”

“Fuck.” He finally sighs and stares up at the stars above us, his clenched jaw working as he considers how to start. “You remember the Memorial Day Festival.”

“Yes. Watching you carve…”

He nods, still not looking at me. “And after ?”

Heat floods my cheeks as I turn more toward him, drawn closer like the man has a tractor beam locked on me, and he finally drags his gaze to meet mine.

The flames simmering there aren’t the ones reflected from the bonfire in front of us. They’re the heat of what happened in the cabin when we got home that night, just over a year ago. We both remember it. We both still feel it.

My pussy throbs at the memory of how completely he consumed me. “I remember all that, too.”

Vividly.

He raises a brow. “And the next morning?”

No matter how hard I’ve tried over the past two weeks, nothing will come. He fucked me senseless. Tucked us into bed. And then…

Nothing.

I shake my head. “All just black.”

Concern furrowing his brow, Killian nods slowly. “We woke up…”—his throat bobs on a thick swallow—“and had sex again. And you made pancakes, hash browns, eggs, a whole spread for the boys and me.”

Which sounds like a pretty typical morning.

I would wake up and make them a monster breakfast to fuel them for the day before they went out to the timber yard, or out onto the mountain to fell trees with their men.

“They came and ate, then they headed to the yard, but…I stayed behind.”

Killian doesn’t offer anything else, just keeps watching me, as if he hopes my memory will decide to come back suddenly so he won’t have to continue coming clean.

“Why?”

He releases a little mirthless laugh. His eyes heat again, that trepidation melting away into a burning desire I feel through every inch of my body. “I needed to get you alone again. Give you one more kiss. I wanted to feel you pressed up against me and under me before I left for the day…”

My heart aches at the sincerity of his words. “And?”

His Adam’s apple bobs again as he gulps, then takes a few chugs of his beer.

Liquid courage, I guess, for whatever he has to tell me.

I tighten my grip on the blanket wrapped around me, burrowing deeper in it, cocooning myself in, and protecting myself from what he’s about to say.

“You stared up at me after we kissed, and you said that by this time next year we could have a fifth mouth to feed at the table, and it was like a bomb went off in my head.”

My chest tightens, the words ringing in my head. “I said what ?”

His gaze cuts to mine. “You’d spent the whole festival playing with Jenny and her kids, remember?”

I nod. “Yeah, we sat together for the parade while Raven was busy covering the festival.”

Jenny Bellman has the cutest kids in town, and they’re always a handful. She needed the help while her husband was busy running the smoker in the food tent.

“Well, apparently, it gave you baby fever because that morning you wouldn’t stop talking about how we should start trying, even before the wedding.” Acid churns in my stomach as he continues, “And I don’t know how to explain it, but I saw this flash…”

“Of what?”

Killian hesitates for a second, afraid to reveal what he saw. “Of a beautiful, tiny version of you…”

Tears burn in my eyes, blurring his face.

His voice wavers slightly. “Of our daughter screaming and crying and me not knowing how to make anything better…”

My chest aches, as if a vise is closing around it, restricting my breathing.

Each breath gets harder to drag in.

“Of not knowing how the hell to be a father and failing miserably at it because I never had one.”

A hot tear slides down my cheek.

“I had this vision of the kind of life she deserved, the kind of father she needed that I couldn’t be, all the things that I couldn’t provide, and…I don’t know, I panicked.”

The pain in his admission slices through my chest, and I swallow through the emotion choking me. I swipe at the tears, trying to see him through them. “You don’t panic, Killian McBride.”

His jaw sets hard as he stares at me. “I did.”

“But we had discussed having kids before…”

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