Page 30 of Beg for It

“See you around!” Brooks shouts. “We’re far from done with you.”

I can hear his cruel laughter as I yank open the little gate door and take off towards the back parking lot.

I don’t stop until I’m far away, numbness filling me.

Somehow, I make it back to my dorm, despite not remembering any of the run home.

“Camden?” I hear someone say my name, but I ignore it, on autopilot as I step into the elevator. Blinking, I lift my finger and press my floor number.

As the door closes, I look forward and meet the blurry face of a man. But when I blink again, the doors are closed and he’s gone.

Going to my room, I head right for the bottle of pills I have stashed under my pillow. It’s like muscle memory now, taking these to hide who I am. No one can know. If they do, I’ll lose everything.

And now, it’s more important than anything. They can’t find out what I am. If they do, nothing good will come of it.

As the little white pill falls onto the palm of my hand, it’s like a punch to the gut. Everything comes crashing in on me and I let out a devastated sob.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this. I just wanted to come to this school and get an education, to get out from under my father’s thumb and be my own person. To someday be able to freely be myself and no longer hide.

I should have known that was never going to happen. It was a stupid dream made by a fool. Because coming here only made me trade one monster, for three new ones.

My hand trembles as I shake more of the contents from the bottle into my hand. It’s only a split second of hesitation before I’m tossing the bottle of pills down.

It burns as I swallow them dry, choking as I grab a bottle of cold water from my dresser and use it to help push them down.

The bottle falls from my hand, spilling all over my desk and papers. My hard work gone.

Doesn’t matter because I soon will be too.

Leaning over my desk, I let my head hang as I keep swallowing, trying to get everything down.

Standing up, I run my hands through my hair as I start to pace my room.

A wave of heat fills me as my body starts to tingle. This is it. This is fucking it.

Only, now I’m too hot. I don’t like this.

Staggering to the door, I swing it open and make my way down the hall towards the bathrooms.

Heading for the showers, I turn the water on as cold as I can get it. The water sprays out, hitting my face and I sigh happily. This is better. Much better.

Dropping to my knees, I turn around and lean back against the wall and close my eyes.

Now, I wait.

With each passing second, I fall deeper and deeper, body numb to the world, or maybe it’s the water. I can hear something chattering. Is that my teeth? Am I shivering?

My body feels heavy, like someone tied bricks to my arms and legs.

“Camden!” A voice shouts. “Fuck. No, no, no. Come on.”

My head bobs as whoever this is grabs me. I can feel the slap of their hand on my cheek, causing me to groan.

“What the fuck did you do,” he hisses.

Something is shoved into my mouth and I gag, my body reacting on it’s own.

“That’s it. Get it all out. Fuck. Stupid, stupid boy,” they growl.