Page 43

–––––

Juri

“Are you doing alright?” Noé asked, concerned, as he packed his backpack for band practice in the afternoon.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Don’t bail on me,” he added.

“I won’t. I’ll just surf through job listings for a bit. I’ve slept more than enough, God knows,” I said, shaking my head after a while. “It’s unbelievable how crappy my year has started.”

“It’ll get better. And promise me you’ll call your former chef.”

I wasn’t feeling up to it at all, and I had already postponed it from yesterday to today.

Keller had promised to help me, but after enduring many setbacks in my life, I found it hard to trust people who offered empty words of comfort without genuine intent.

I dreaded crawling to him as a beggar, but to satisfy Noé, I just nodded.

That was enough to finally get him out the door.

Alone again in a stranger’s apartment, the familiarity of the situation provided some reassurance. Despite the surreal feeling of being in Noé’s new home, I wished him success from the bottom of my heart. Like me, he had endured so much to reach this point.

A nagging feeling washed over me, and I shut my eyes.

Was enduring happiness forever out of reach for me?

It seemed inconsequential what I might do in the future.

Leaving the escort behind would take years anyway.

While my industry highly valued discretion, these shadows were not easily shaken off.

Even if I managed to make my surroundings forget who I was; I would never forget.

The incident from last Friday had burned itself into me and left another notch in my long list of nightmarish encounters.

I was repeatedly awakened from sleep by dreams where I’d see a guy in front of me, and I was sure I recognized him from somewhere.

As my thoughts inevitably circled back to Luca, a familiar ache tightened in my chest. With each passing day, the longing for him grew stronger, an insatiable craving akin to withdrawal from a potent drug. A heavy melancholy settled upon me, growing heavier by the moment.

I hadn’t missed the fact that Luca had messaged me, and not just once. I had no idea what the answers to all his questions were. The messages only added to the chaos in my head.

I wanted Luca. But I couldn’t have him. Not only because I convinced myself that I had violated my own rules—he wasn’t even a paying customer—but rather because I couldn’t manage to get over myself.

During the time at his place, he somehow managed to gain my trust. And in the end, it turned out he had only done that for his project.

Even if he had described the facts differently, for me, this was reality.

The whole story reminded me once again that I couldn’t trust anyone.

Although it had nothing to do with what happened on Friday, the recent event retrospectively seemed like a bad omen confirming everything.

But I just couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Standing at the window, I gazed at the sky.

Golden spears of sunlight pierced through the dense clouds.

Inspired, I grabbed my phone and captured a few shots using a nature photography app.

The sound of keys turning in the apartment door interrupted my reverie.

Glancing at the clock, I realized it was already five o'clock.

“Hello!” Alex said, taking off his jacket as he headed to the dining table. He unpacked his bag and set down his laptop and camera. “How are you?”

“Good,” I replied, sitting down on the couch. “And you? How was work?”

“Busy.” He went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

I opened my contacts list and scrolled to Peter Keller, my former trainer.

For a while, I looked at his name and remembered our last encounter.

After I returned the key to him and picked up my certificate, an unpleasant scene had unfolded.

Maybe he just wanted to comfort me, but when he touched my arm, I panicked and pushed him away.

Shit …

I rubbed my eyes and massaged my forehead. Clearly, I hadn’t left a good last impression. But before that, he had insisted that he would help me as a reference. All I had to do was call him and ask if he could recommend two or three restaurants where I could apply.

“What are you doing?” Alex suddenly asked. He sat at the dining table behind his laptop and peered at me as if he had been watching me the whole time.

I sighed. “The feeble attempt to call my former chef.”

“Why? Do you want to go back there?” he asked, staring at me intently. There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t interpret. As if he wanted something from me, but not in a deceitful way. Still, I became suspicious.

“I’m not the office type of guy. In the kitchen, I find solace in movement, in the ability to engage my hands and express a form of creativity. Regardless of personal desires, securing an apprenticeship is a necessity. Otherwise, I’ll never get away from escorting.”

“Okay, listen …” Alex stood up and approached me.

He stopped halfway and placed his palm over his mouth, as though carefully considering his next words.

The way he stood there, with a strand of hair falling on his forehead—now I saw it too.

He had a resemblance to Clark Kent, or at least the hot actor who played Superman.

“I don’t mean to intrude,” he continued. “But I’ve observed two things about you: you have a passion for photography, and you’re actively seeking employment.”

“Yeah?” My response was more of a question, an expression of my increasing nervousness.

“Why don’t you show me some photos you’ve taken?”

My suspicion took over. “Why?”

“Trust me.”

My gaze became grim.

Alex laughed and sat down next to me on the couch. “You know, when I first met you, back at the rock night at Exil, I had no idea who you were.”

“As if you know me now just because you know a few things about me.” When I noticed my harsh tone, I tilted my head in embarrassment. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Especially since I’m living in your apartment.”

“It’s okay. You’re right. But what I know about you now makes you even more interesting.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please don’t tell me you want me to be your muse.”

“What? Why? No. I want to see the photos you’ve taken. Noé told me you were the one who photographed his profile picture.”

“Yeah. So?”

“It’s very good. Let me see more. Show me what you’ve learned from this photo blog.”

“Why?” I didn’t understand what he wanted from me. Instead of giving me an answer, he furrowed his brow and smiled mischievously. “I don’t have the pictures here. They’re on my laptop at home.”

“But you have the originals here, right?”

I could only manage a weak nod. I opened the app, scrolled back to the night with the guys at the club, and swiped through a bit. It didn’t take long before Alex took the phone out of my hand.

“They’re good.”

I was aware of that, and yet the confirmation from a professional photographer felt good.

Alex took his time, carefully examining the photos and even swiping back once or twice.

When the pictures of Luca came up, I sank even deeper into the couch.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Alex studying them, even enlarging them.

I was relieved when he finally swiped on and reached the end.

“Come with me,” he said, handing me back the phone.

What? Not another word about the pictures?

Confused, I followed him into the hallway. He stopped in front of the door with a strange lamp hanging on the wall. It was indeed a darkroom.

Cool!

As soon as he opened the door, the smell of developer filled the air. The sight of plastic trays, clamps, and the light table made my heart beat faster. Numerous black and white photographs hung on the wall. Of the three of them, I even recognized Noé sleeping.

Alex turned on another light and led me to a table. There were photos and various folders that looked like application letters. I glanced at a few of the pictures and thought nothing of it. Compared to those hanging on the walls, they were nothing special.

“What do you think?” he asked.

I frowned. “About the photos?”

Alex sighed. “You see it too, right?”

“What? There’s nothing there.”

“Exactly.”

I scanned the room again until my gaze returned to Alex. “What am I doing here?”

“Listen. I’ve been looking for an assistant for a week now.

Not one who gets me coffee or carries the equipment.

I need someone who supports me since the work is piling up.

Just because I have my own projects on the side, I don’t want to turn down any assignments, so I thought I could hire an employee. ”

I understood where this was going, but since he was Noé’s boyfriend, I couldn’t help but speak the obvious. “I don’t need charity.”

“It has nothing to do with that,” he countered.

“I need someone to accompany me on shoots. Someone who knows what I want and how things work. I’ll train you.

You’ll start as an assistant, an apprentice, or intern—whatever you want to call it.

And when you’re ready and we still get along, I’ll hire you permanently, and you’ll take on small assignments on your own. ”

I opened my mouth without intending to say anything. Then I took a deep breath and scanned the darkroom.

“I’m serious,” Alex added. “Your photos are very good. If you’re interested in going down this path, I’d be happy to help you. Unless you want to go back to the kitchen.”

“That sounds almost too good to be true,” I muttered softly.

Alex smiled.

“I’ve only ever taken photos with my phone. I have no idea about professional photography.”

“Well, let’s start by putting a camera in your hands.”

Alex lifted up a huge camera and handed it to me. “This is a digital SLR. I’ll be shooting an ad for an NGO with it tomorrow.”

“Wow …”

While I was excited, I felt stunned and struggled to process my emotions. One thing I knew: this was super cool!

“You could accompany me if you want.”

My lips parted in surprise. “What? Tomorrow? Really?”

“Of course. Were you even listening to me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, what do you think?”

Despite all the gratitude for this opportunity, I could hardly believe my luck. “I’d be the biggest idiot if I turned down this opportunity.”

“Yes, indeed you would. But there’s one more thing.”

“What’s that?” My pulse quickened.

Here it comes. Once again, my past is going to ruin everything for me.

“You can join me under one condition.”

“And what would that be?”

“You go with Noé to the group session and stay away from drugs.”

For a moment, I held my breath. I stared right through Alex and suddenly felt afraid. What if I fail? Panic surged within me. Answer, dammit! “I … That …”

Alex said nothing, which made everything even worse. I carefully set the camera down and pondered about his offer.

“I probably just …” I sighed and forced a sad smile. “Waited way too long to answer, didn’t I?” The silence between us was unbearable, and I pressed my lips together. “I want it. I’ll go with Noé to the group session. Unless … I just failed your test right now.”

Alex shook his head. “No, of course not. I’m glad you didn’t immediately tuck your tail and run away. And let me say it again: Your photos can easily compete with those of trained photographers here. You have an eye for it. Now you’ll learn the rest. So don’t sell yourself short.”

“But I can still smoke, right?”

Alex laughed. “Of course.”

I never would have thought something like this could happen, especially since I had only considered photography as a hobby. But the fact that I was now getting the opportunity to make it my job … I was at a loss for words.

I gazed at Alex for a while. Maybe a bit too seriously, because he noticed it.

“Do you have any more questions?”

“Did Noé ask you to give me a chance?”

“No. He doesn’t know anything about it. Let’s hope he doesn’t mind.”

I knew Stoney too well to be afraid of that and laughed.